Smartphone: The main detonator in the PMO addiction.

I have a smartphone and I don't relapse or watch porn on it. It all depend on self discipline and that you can control your urges and not the other way. A fliphone might temporarly fix the problem, but the brain will seek an different way to relapse.

 

@LindaMoon
That is what I was pointing at... It is far best a temporary fix... He will sooner or later require the smartphone and old habits die hard...
As others have suggested, putting restrictions on his smartphone can be a better way... But again a temporary fix... Unless you are determined... You always find ways to fuck yourself...
Smartphone is becoming a necessity in world... From bookings to transactions to entertainment to advice to insert whatever .... Is available and accessible on it.
But if you can arrange that for your husband...then its fine... But can you provide everything that he needs in this fast moving world... No
Can he live without it ... Sure he can... But oneday he would require it...
Also other thing you can do is to gradually introduce smartphone into his life and see the results..

 

I wonder if there is a bit of minimising or even denial going on here guys?

For those who say they don't use their smartphone for porn and don't see it as a relapse waiting to happen....

... when you act out, you consciously choose to go to your desktop computer or laptop and purposely log in to look at porn?
As opposed to using the device that is always in your pocket and is engineered for convenience and wired to our every compulsion?
Hmmmmm....

Also if it is all about self discipline, why are we on a forum for porn addicts and giving up masturbation?

 

An inadvertant solution for looking at porn on my phone came up about a year ago... The screen cracked and as a result the display has completely bugged out... It's fine for reading emails etc. but it makes it impossible to use for taking photos, looking at pictures etc.

Completely irrelevant to the topic at hand really, but I have noticed over time that I'm actually grateful for having a partially bricked device which I can't spend hours looking at. There are a new generation of 'e-paper' smart phones coming out which retain the functionality of a smart phone but have far less emphasis on graphics etc.
I'm not really one for buying new devices but when it does come time to get a new phone I'll be looking at getting something that'll still allow me to use it for emails and all the things we increasingly need phones for, but without the heavy emphasis on bells and whistles, ridiculously hi-def graphics etc.

 

Exactly. If we were great at self discipline then we wouldn’t be addicts, lol. I’m always floored when I hear the “if you have good willpower then it’s not going to be an issue” defense. Obviously that’s true but not exactly as black and white when it comes to addiction where the person has acknowledged that their willpower has been severely diminished. I think people are worried that restrictions handicap their growth but no one here is advocating for people to live a bubble wrapped lifestyle.

 

Since the last time i relapsed i looked at the mistakes i made and i learned from those if you dont see your mistakes and just simply count the days you will fail again. I told myself that i will never relapse from this day again and i will hit 90 days and go beyond its been super easy till now i don't edge at all and i also water fast.

If you are using your phone the whole day to watch YouTube video's and go on social media and you don't do anything productive, of course, there is a risk to relapse but if you use your time creatively and spend it on some new hobby's you acquired or learning something new the change to relapse is very small. But it comes with discipline, sleeping early, eating on time, fasting, waking up on time, having your whole day already scheduled. That's what I mean with discipline guys I hope I did not offend anyone here, my apologies.

 

I'm 100% with you. I fully agree. I uninstalled instagram yesterday, and I feel great about it actually.

 

One of the good ways of trying to quit a bad habit is by focusing on good habits. Thinking that your husband will just stop cold doesn't work. If he was to stop on porn, what would he be doing to feel happy instead? Ask him what craves him to do it. (stress, boredom, loneliness etc) Get him to do simple exercises and eat healthier food.
Do you have a mirror? Ask your husband to look in the mirror of himself sometimes whenever he is bored or stressed or exhausted, and then think about himself. I tried looking in the mirror some times, and I had less urge/craves to PMO or video games.

 

@Dakshinamurti good news about ePaper display phones, I could go for one of those.

As far as this issue of smart or dumb phone, and discipline I think the problem is the way we frame it is too overly simplistic. Not only is everyone different, YOU are different from WHEN you first start recovery and then further down the line. It is a matter of timing, which btw is something this kind of instant gratification technology conditions you to ignore - more on that later. It could very well be that in the beginning one does need to use a dumb phone, and later they can be trusted and able to use a smartphone without acting out. This does not depend on a universal set number of days since again everyone is different, but timING because it depends on when you've ACTUALLY gone from one stage of recovery to another.

Now as far as instant gratification and technology, this is the issue where because computational speed pretty much provides the information we want on-demand now we start only thinking in terms of absolutes - yes and no, the binary logic of computers and we don't consider that things develop in stages. You are not the same as you were when 5 years old. The real non-digital reality of the world is some things take a series of steps to build up (or regress, frankly) - like relationships and real social ties that recognizes the multiple levels of a human being.

This starts getting at the discipline aspect. Discipline isn't just forcing yourself to do something or not do something (which is again the overly simplistic 1/0 binary logic) but it involves LEARNING. Think about the artist or marital artist in particular. Here is an example where it also involves timing. If you are going to successfully implement some technique in a self defense context, you have to know when to do it, and if things change you have to even adapt to the changing circumstances. You don't just decide something absolutely works and some things cannot, forever and ever without qualifying to the situational context!

Bringing it back to the PMO habit, sex is of course social in nature and a big part of addiction is social or at least fake sociality whether it's in the form of pornography content or algorithm driven social media stimuli. What all of this has as its basis is this instant gratification driven by an on/off binary logic instead of the time - no, timing bound process that unfolds gradually over the course of life itself.

 

This post has had some amount of views and replies in just 2 days. I wonder if a female being in the profile picture has had anything to do with that.

 

Hahaha! I see what you did.

I honestly didn't even thought of that, the reason I clicked on this thread was because of the topic.

I have got triggered in the past because of smartphones,(Instagram) so I thought I'd drop by and say something about it.

 

Remarkably well written. Thank you for sharing your insights. Keep up the good work and all the best in your ongoing recovery!

 

I found my smartphone contributed a lot to my acting out so I got rid of it and switched to basic phone. I manage fine without a smartphone. If I need internet access for work, or to find a restaurant, etc...I just go find a computer. Not that difficult.

I also found that if I drank while alone on a Friday night I would be much more likely to move toward 'the bubble' for that weekend, so I stopped drinking when alone for a couple years. Now, I am mindful of the risk of drinking for me and take that seriously if I want to relax with a glass of wine at the end of a week. (I have friends who are recovered alcoholics so I realize that is not an option for some.)

Smartphones are remarkable but a person can live life fine without one. If it hurts you, get rid of it.