I'm kicking this nasty addiction for good

I've been watching this forum for a few months now without ever trying to do something about my problem, but last month I made a decision, it was enough, for me it was rock bottom, I was and still am absolutely disgusted with myself. I'm currently just 6 days without PMO (I cut porn a while ago, but just now started cutting of masturbation, I want to try hardmode for a while), that might not seem like a lot for many of you, but for me it is already a huge victory and something I'm extremely proud of. The funny thing is, even though I feel horny basically all the time I'm not even thinking about porn.

I'm going to describe my problems and history because it was by reading the history of some of you in here that I felt like I was not alone and it made me want to do something about my problem, I will also tell you what I've done to fight off this addiction.

Keep in mind this can **TRIGGER** some of you so proceed with caution.





I remember the first time I masturbated, I was about 9 and I found out this strange category in a children game website, it was called "erotic", The naive 9 year old didn't know what it was and, without knowing it would ruin his life, he just clicked it and there it was, so many porn games I could not play them all even if that's all I did till the end of times.

Eventually games were not enough, I wanted the real thing so google images of naked girls was the next step, then softcore porn videos, then hardcore....

My dad died when I was in my early teens and from there on out I was convulsively masturbating every day, it was my coping mechanism and it allowed me to sleep at night (looking back in time I was obviously depressed, but didn't do anything about it).

Eventually another plateau was reached seeing girls getting raped by a bunch of guys (which is basically every porn video) wasn't enough, I moved on to nastier and nastier stuff, piss, zoophiilia, flashers, transwoman, sissy, hypno ....

This was where I turned to reddit, I created an account started posting to porn subreddits pics of myself. I would chat to people on kik and grindr and send them personal pics, this is where, again, things escalated, I started using my sisters underwear and ejaculating on them placing them back in their drawers, I spent days using their things, and ejaculating on them.

I started meeting those guys from the chats and letting them do whatever they wanted to me and, again, the nastier things they did and the more they humiliated me the better I felt, or so I thought. In reality, I was dead inside. Fortunately I was lucid enough to use protection all the time.

Keep in mind I've never felt any desire for men, I'm not attracted to them in any way shape or form, but, because I was watching a lot of hypno and transwoman porn that was what I wanted.

In those chats I often ask people for challenges and I did every thing they asked me, then they started pushing things (I drank my piss, took pics of me in my sisters thongs out in public, ejaculated in public places) and then I was asked to ejaculate on my sister while she slept, and so I did.

Right after this happened I cleaned everything, the only fortunate thing is that my sister didn't wake up. I immediately felt worse than I've ever felt before, a wave of suicidal thoughts rushed my mind and everything around me looked like it was crumbling down around me (a feeling strangely similar to when my father died), after a couple of weeks I managed to gather my thoughts and new I had to do something about it, this is what I did and am currently doing:

• Deleted every chat app from my phone, this included kik and grindr
• removed my reddit account from my phone
• deleted every porn related app from my phone
• started exercising
• started meditating
• started reading

One thing you might notice is that most of the problem to me came from my phone and it is true. While you are trying to fall a sleep it is too easy to grab your phone and start looking at porn, you have to cut it from there as that's the root of most of our problems.

Exercise and meditation also go a long way! They allow you to place all those thoughts away from you, anytime I feel an urge that's what I do.

From all of this all I want you to know is that you are not alone on your journey and if you feel you've hit rock bottom just remember that it can only get better from there. I felt there was no going back and now, 1 month without porn, I can say I'm never touching that drug ever again and if I did not stop, eventually, I would have died in those meetings with guys, I have zero doubt about that.

Stay strong! We are all here for each other!