Are my new interests for me or others?

That's such a great question! Never thought of it, but it's rather true that in adulthood we choose many of our activities based on what we believe society expects from us (it is our belief, it's not what society expects). What you wrote makes total sense.

Not sure if my recent experience amounts to much, but I started to sit alone in quietude almost every day; it doesn't always work, boredom and loneliness creep in and I default to some form of escapism or another. Yesterday I had alcohol, for the first time in 2 months; I wrote an ugly post on this forum, plus had a super bad night sleep. All because of trying to escape the loneliness.

In terms of validation, I noticed though that sitting with loneliness does help, at least in my case. A few years back I bought a CD with Mozart, out of curiosity, and fell in love with the music. Never did anything other than listening to it, but now I'm thinking to learn playing the violin, because it can create such a beautiful sound TO ME (neighbors might pay me to stop playing the violin though). I told this to a couple of "friends" and they made me aware of the fact that violin is not that cool, I should learn guitar... Why!?

I never had a bicycle and I learnt to ride a bicycle only recently; mind you, I'm 37. It did feel nice to ride it, it was a rental bike, and now I'm thinking of actually buying a bicycle and go on the river side for long rides instead of walking.

Same with cooking, I started to enjoy cooking for myself and it seems that it tastes better and better each time.

I guess in general we derive much more pleasure from simple things than we want to believe in general, buy we're afraid that we won't be accepted and appreciated if we don't do exotic stuff. It's the instagram culture.

 

I've always loved MMORPGs, but I thought they were a bit childish for a grown man to be playing. When I got serious about recovery and was facing sitting at a computer again, an avenue of significant temptation for me, I allowed myself to get more invested in playing a game I really enjoyed. I checked with my wife to see if it was OK -- I felt like such a child! but I really did like the game, and it really did help keep my mind and hands occupied. Anything was better than PMO, I figured.

Now, 3.5 years later, the community in this game has become a huge part of my life, a source of many new friends, and a very great help to me and many others. It went from a game to more of a full hobby, and I now see that we are doing far more than just playing a silly video game. We really are building and nurturing a vital community that is a source of strength and support for many. Pretty cool.

So, whatever you're interested in, no matter how silly or small, go for it! It will be better than PMO, and it may just turn into the next fun and healthy chapter of your life!

 

Nice to adress this, I have the same problem.

It's so hard to decide. I came to a point where I would tell myself to stop doing stuff to impress others, and then I am often pushed in my opinion to do the opposite stuff - but again I won't do it so much for me, but to not impress the others. Which is again the same problem... .

Anyway, what I discovered that helps me is:

when you do an activity/hobby, you might only have the goal in your head.
(f.e. when running, you might only want to be at your goal)
Take some deep breaths and try to calm your mind, try to stop thinking for a bit while still doing that activity
Try to discover how the activity itself makes you feel
(f.e. when running, take a deep breath, feel the rythmic impacts on your soles, the up and down, the wind on your body, the sweat on your back,...)
And then see if you like it or not. I was for a run yesterday, did that and was so happy for that moment, a genuine joy to do what I am doing right now.​

 

You really need to be careful with this stuff. I had the same sensations, same beliefs as you described. And before I noticed it, I was playing every day, for hours at a time. Most of the time I didn't even wanted to play, I just did because I thought there was nothing else to do.
When I got serious about Nofap, I quit every video game cold turkey. I deleted every game I have and just stopped it. Sometimes I would like to play again, but I realize that it's a waste of your time and your life, if you can't control it (which I can't).
Do it sometimes and for God's sake, don't play the game "because of the community and all the friends I got there", this is the worst part of the addiction. I was also pretty good in most games, which gave me quick validation instead of aiming for my personal longterm goals.
Be careful and keep it in check if needed!

 

Sure, I understand that gaming can become just another addiction to replace the PMO. I am of course not advocating that anyone do that. But participating in a community of friends and doing things together with them is a very good thing, indeed, and I am not sure why you would say that is the worst part of online gaming. In my experience, it is the best part.

At any rate, my point was to cultivate fun, healthy hobbies, even if they seem a bit silly at first. Obviously you should not go back into yet another addictive behavior as a way to counter PMO!