No confidence in what I bring to the table

I'd recommend seeking the advice of a therapist.

Your current life situation is not a reason to not be attractive. You may have some past conditionings, such as at home in your childhood, sex, money and future plans were taboo. No one discussed about them and whenever it was brought up someone might have gotten pretty mad about it, leading you to believe that it's a topic that needs to be buried. Now, today, whenever you're put in that similar situation you feel vulnerable and your behaviour is conditioned to not share anything, as it might upset someone. Only a skilled therapist can take you through the journey of being comfortable with being vulnerable, I believe. And being vulnerable is quite attractive.

 

Hey Ruggerdoug,

You have every right to be confident, because you are a man. But holding onto external assets really just makes you confident in your roles.

For example, if you are confident at the gym, that is physical development, which is great. And if you are confident in the office, it means you are a confident worker or outdoorsman, which his great!

But in ALL instances you want to be a CONFIDENT man. Even when you are with a woman, you are still a man, a unique one. That can never change.

You see men and women think differently... Men NEED sex. They dont want it... they NEED it. They have a sack full of seeds that can be really heavy and stressful to carry around, therefore biologically speaking, they seek to disperse these seeds. It's not a curse, it is a 100% natural.

Women on the other hand DO NOT NEED sex. They are wired different and the need something entirely different. Women NEED A-F-F-E-C-T-I-O-N.

Here I spelled it out for you.

You see as much as a man needs sex, a woman needs affection. and critically speaking AFFECTION should come before SEX.

So what you want to understand is how to show a woman affection. She would love you for trying. I would love you for trying, because I know it doesn't come natural to you or any man. But try it, and test the results...

Otherwise when you understand this need, you would understand women aren't going around figuring out who to sleep with. They aren't men. Only men do that, and Lord knows there are deep biological reasons for that...

What do you think?

 

I get it, wanting to bolt at the idea of becoming intimate with emotions. Especially coming out of a divorce im sure you have more than enough emotional baggage youre trying to still work through. But I just want to say that not all females are out on the prowl looking for a perfect man with a perfect job, house, and car and your typical "stable" man. I hate the stereotype of women looking for the whole package. There is nothing wrong with going through shit. Working out finances. Driving an older car. I hate people who live with rose colored glasses waiting for someone to come save them with their perfect life. Both me and my boyfriend work our asses off and handle the finances together. Being a team. Dont be so ashamed of financial debt and struggles. Its a part of life. Some people are just luckier than others.

 

I was just think after reading the OP, wouldn’t that be an ideal situation meeting a gal who likes you for you and doesn’t care about your finances, your house, your car, or your d!()?

Perhaps a woman who is too focused on finances or sex might not be a good choice. I would think it be best to find a woman who enjoys doing lots of activities with you that aren’t sexual.

I say keep meeting different women and don’t give up. Keep looking for a woman that likes you for you.

 

No, it is not. Maybe some women like it, but most dislike it.

OP, your current situation may not be the best, but if you have confidence in your work, that means you are a crafty guy and you will be able to sort your situation. Eventually you can give yourself some time to deal with your situation.

 

Bullshit broscience pseudo psychology. Both men and women have sex drive and both men and women need affection. There are many women looking for one night stands, and many men deprived from affection and suffering because of that. You can buy sex, but you can't buy affection.

 

I'd like to distinguish between being needy and vulnerable. Being vulnerable means showing your true self, not a persona. A male that shows his true self is a male that's confident in his own skin and owns his stuff.

A needy man will not show his true self, will try to put on a mask that he believes is expected of him to wear: the strong or the weak.

 

I don't advice to wear a mask, it is terrible idea but let's be realistic, there are women who will trash and reject man for exposing his vulnerability, adopting various personas is popular for a reason.

 

Don't wear a mask. Women test for congruency and you are going to fail with a mask.

Don't expose weakness. Women despise weak man and they test for that as well.

(You realize that you have to cure weakness to meet both criteria.)

Don't be compliant. When conversation goes on about wealth and career, it's a test for compliance. Do whatever you see fit with your life. Don't look for female validation.

Look for younger dates. It's not about looks, with age entitlement increases sky-high.

What matters in the end is what you are unhappy with, not your dates. What you are discontent with affects your confidence. Make peace with your current situation. Work on improving stuff, that bothers you and only you. Like your 11 years old rustbucket? Feel at home in that partly-furnished apartment? Then cross that off the list and focus on what is important for you.

 

Well I will give some advice that will not only help in dating but in over all life its this
"YOU WILL ALWAYS ACT IN THE WAY YOU VIEW YOURSELF"
so think of it this way you go on date you think your a loser that is shy and has nothing going for yourself HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR CONVERSATIONS ARE GOING TO BE?
Dating is all about attitude not looks, money, huge dick, trust fund, being 6ft 4 in its all about seeing YOURSELF AS A CATCH THAT IS SKILLED IN BLESSED IN YOUR OWN WAYS
"PEOPLE ARE GOING TO TREAT YOU AS YOU SEE YOURSELF"

 

Then you are incompatible with that woman, just move on. Pretending to be someone else will not end well.

 

Well said

 

You can either accept where you are currently, allow others the freedom to be a part of your life or not, and work towards a better future... all without the negativity / shame / self criticism that ends up slowing you down or hindering opportunities due to self sabotage................ or you can live your life while being on your own side.

Sure, you can come to the conclusion that your life is a mess right now, but this is where you're at right now. Unless you accept that and let go of all the excess negative emotions that you've tied to it, you're going to stay where you're at or even spiral downwards. The you that doesn't believe in yourself isn't the version of you that's going to achieve everything that you want to achieve.

You're working towards the future that you want. You can't control what other people think of your current situation. The only other thing you can control is your attitude / self belief / being on your own side.

If you don't think highly of yourself, then why should anybody else?

Let me rephrase that... if nobody else in the world were to think positively about you.......... are you also going to harshly criticize yourself?

All your efforts will be wasted if your thoughts and feelings aren't aligned with what you're doing.

Stress / worry / fear / negativity / self pity / being a victim lowers your cognitive functions / testosterone. It affects all areas of your life. Your thoughts and feelings will permeate into your behavior and into the way you shape your reality (self sabotage).

Be on your own side even if nobody else will. Why the hell would you want women that aren't interested or on your side anyways? Let them reject you as fast as possible.