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3rd time I have ended up on porn over the last few weeks. Feel nothing for it?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Jun 26, 2019.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I have been rebooting/rewiring properly from around April 2018. I have had a lot of streaks and a lot relapses. See I'm not the guy who believes you need to get 90 days in one go. I'm not the guy who believes if you relapse once all progress is lost and your back to square one.

    Your brain is constantly changing on this journey. That's what this journey is all about (brain changes)

    I am now at the stage porn is completely boring me. Every time I have ended up on it recently I just find it boring and don't get turned on or aroused by it at all. I have actually masturbated to it trying to force my self to get turned on by it recently and it hasn't worked. I have ended up just switching it off. I actually get more turned on
    masturbating just using my imagination now than what I do masturbating to porn.

    The strange thing is though after going without porn for a few weeks I still have not so much an urge to look at it, but it's more of a feeling like I just fancy it, I am curious to see it sort of thing. It's almost like I want to like it, which is quite strange, considering I have been rebooting to get away from it.

    You know that feeling that it's like your out of control horny, extreme excitement, and it almost feels like you can't control your self, it's like you have to go on your computer and search porn? It's almost like the porn is controlling you and your not controlling the porn? Well I have to say over the last while I haven't had that feeling at all. I honestly don't feel any sexual excitement when I search porn or look at porn. Even when I have masturbated to porn I have found it boring.

    You need to understand this is a huge difference compared to what I used to be like. I was an extreme heavy PMO addict for about a decade, PMOing on average around 30 times a week for about a decade, and the PMO sessions sometimes lasted hours. I used to feel like I could hardly breath when I thought about searching porn, shaking with sexual excitement. But now it's like that feeling no longer exists.

    Sorry I am saying this again, but the strange thing is even though I am not feeling sexual excitement for it, I am still getting this thought that I want to view it from time to time, it's almost like I want to put the porn on and enjoy it and get as much pleasure from it as I used to. But then when I put it on I get no sexual excitement from it and find it boring. In a strange way it's almost like I am disappointed by this, and I want to put it on and feel that extreme sexual excitement I used to get from it. It's just such a strange situation I am in. I dreamed of getting to the stage I could go without porn, but now it's kind of happened it's as if I sometimes want to like it again. I guess I thought my life would all full in to place once I got away from porn. I thought my life would transform in to this wonderful life after I got away from porn. So far that hasn't been the case for me.

    Something else I want to add is I used to get EXTREME pleasure from PMO. Like unbelievable pleasure. PMO sessions that lasted 2 to 5 hours. Edging, flicking about hundreds of different content masturbating deliberately stopping my self from ejaculating, and then after literally between 2 to 5 hours of doing this eventually ejaculating. The pleasure I have gotten from this did used to feel like heaven to me. But the thing is this no longer exists. But the thing is nothing else in life I have come across produces this level of pleasure. I guess what I am saying is I miss this pleasure. It's just such a strange situation I am in. I am finally getting away from PMO, but it's almost as if I want to feel the pleasure from it again.

    Any help and advice would be much appreciated thanks.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2019
  2. Sgttiedarms

    Sgttiedarms Fapstronaut

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    This happens to me while watching porn sometimes so I normally watch something new, mostly always sicker and weirder than what I was watching before. Glad your choosing a different path.
     
  3. randomname3

    randomname3 Fapstronaut

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