Back on this thing after a 2 year hiatus

Hey guys. I joined these forums back in 2016. Been on and off with nofap for a few years. I would get weeks here and there and I’ve had a couple of months in these couple of years. I would get really motivated to stop, get on these forums, get active for a couple weeks, watch youtube videos of Nofap and the success stories/plus relapses. I’d feel really hopeful, then I just always ALWAYS convinced myself to do it again after getting 2 to 3 weeks. The urges were so unbearable during that time. I felt that warmth and energy in my whole being that was crying to watch or engage in deviant behavior. I also got into massage parlors for an escape. I sorta just started abstaining on my own without any kind of online help but never made it past a month. I was on medication for over a year (anti-depressant) which helped offset some of the symptoms I would feel after a binge but I still felt horrible and depleted. I just recently got off the medication and my libido has sort of come back full swing as well as the urges. I’m in a relationship now for almost a year and I keep watching P and M O’ing while I’m with her. It feels so wrong. Fortunately, I let her in on my problem and she’s been 100% supportive. I just downloaded Covenant Eyes two days ago and I officially have 2 days now. I am getting strict with this because my life is just going on by and I keep doing the same thing over and over and over. I just want to be done with this addiction for good. I’ve had glimpses of what true freedom was like when I went 2, 3, 4 weeks without PMO. I felt amazing. I want that back again. I want to be free and go after the things that the P was holding me back from..


Thank you