Input Appreciated

Okay so this is just my opinion as an SO. If my husband came to me and asked me to take care of him by hand, I would still consider it a M and a relapse. If we were fooling around and I initiated the touch, I would not consider that M or a relapse. I get that maybe she doesn’t want/can’t have S right now because of post partum, not having an O isn’t going to hurt you or her. I’d want my husband after I had a baby to cuddle, kiss, rub my feet, connect etc without the thoughts of him “needing” and O. I would feel like he didn’t care what I was going through.

 

I think it's more important to take notice of one's mindset when engaging in touch or asking for it. Are you asking your wife to touch you because you lust for her, because you want a release but feel guilty doing so yourself, because you want to connect with her, because you want her to see how she makes you feel, etc. I believe we become more at peace with our decisions when we have a deeper understanding of the thing that draws us to touch or be touched. Does that align with our partner's wishes? If not, perhaps we may converse with our partner to see how they feel and what they may need to feel connected.

 

It sounds like you are using her as your masturbatory aid, to relieve yourself of the guilt of masturbation through self pleasure. This is part of the addiction mindset and does not promote real connection and intimacy with your wife. Find real ways to connect with her instead of looking for a work around to get your orgasm dopamine high.

 

But, on the other hand, going to her is way better than a secret MO. it's not ideal, and it's not the best for helping your brain along....but it's much better than getting the O yourself.

 

Ya know, the OP isn't really just saying he's only asking his wife for MO instead of doing it himself.....he's going to her with his needs and asking for her to help meet them. That's OK.

If it's ONLY this, sure, that is a problem. But if this is the alternative to PMO or MO and only happens when his wife isn't interested in more.....I don't see the issue. This isn't too far from where I am at and it's much much much better than PMO and hiding MO.

Is there an aspect of selfishness here? Sure, but sex is like that. Healthy relationships have that too.

 

Those are fair points!

 

As a SO I would be upset by this. It would be different if you went up to her and gave her a sensual massage and kisses and it naturally led to her finishing you off but to just use her hand as a substitute for your own? I’d be upset.
Also, when she is MO you- are you thinking about how beautiful she is or are you picturing porn? I wouldn’t be able to believe my man was thinking about me in such an unconnected sexual act. I’d probably look over and see his eyes closed then imagine all the women he must be thinking about, which will bring me into an emotional state of anger and sadness.