Porn Led To My Need To Be Seen & To See More In-Person

You are definitely not alone.

I am struggling with the exhibitionism piece the most lately. I was sober from porn for months and did over 90 days free of PMO and nearly another this year. However, the problems similar to yours of going to these places in public and I sometimes go on online video chat rooms to expose myself have caused me the most grief lately. Progress is progress but I really need to step it up with these other behaviors. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting worse with them.

 

I suffered from a mixed bag of issues surrounding voyeurism and exhibitionism on top of many other lewd acts and fantasies.

Spoiler: Trigger Warning

TRIGGER WARNING

I would masturbate in plain view of open doors/windows when I was home alone as a preadolescent. Sometimes I would watch porn and masturbate in my car before work. Fortunately no one saw me! There were a few joggers who seemed suspicious but I would always chicken out when it came down to fully displaying myself.

I also had bad urges to carve peepholes in restrooms or friends’ houses if they had an attractive member of their family (often female). I consider myself to be a straight female but of course due to porn escalation, my pervert preferences get a little muddled. I never went all the way with spying on anyone but I always peaked at people’s assets if I was feeling aroused in public.

After disclosing all that, what I can tell you is that it eventually cools down if you avoid those behaviors. Eventually I weened myself off from the extreme PMO activities and I stuck to fantasizing and masturbating as a sub (I don’t think this will help in the long run but it allowed me to stop). Now I don’t engage with those behaviors and I don’t get urges. Currently I’ve regressed back to a more innocent phase of still having the urge to masturbate or peak at porn but I’m not carrying out any wild masturbation plans anymore.

It was really bad when I was below age 25. I’m turning 31 soon so I think enough time and shame has kicked in for me to avoid those urges. You’re definitely heading in the right direction if you’re here and you want to change.

 

Welcome to the community as far as making your first post and thank you for sharing your story.
Porn got you going down a dark path and you can see it now, this is a good thing.
This time away from it will get you away from these other things and the "need" will start to fade.