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Neediness

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Grip36, Jul 8, 2019.

  1. Jul 8, 2019 #1
    Grip36

    Grip36 Fapstronaut

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    I’m on day 6 of no Porn or masturbation, and I’m struggling with something.

    I have an awesome girlfriend, and we’re both independent but have a ton of fun together. It’s a great relationship. Before this, I’ve really had no issue with neediness... I have no trouble being “indifferent” and letting her do whatever she wants. We’re both busy and popular, not talking one day shouldn’t be a big deal.
    When I was watching porn and masturbating everyday, I didn’t care. Now, I do. She’s taking forever to respond, and I’m feeling every minute of it.

    My question is: why do I feel this way? What do I need to do to make it go away? How do I go back to being “lovingly indifferent” in terms of the way she spends her time?
     
    Grip36, Jul 8, 2019
    Grip36, Jul 8, 2019
    #1
  2. Jul 9, 2019 #2
    Chudmeister

    Chudmeister Fapstronaut

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    Ive been through this before. Sometime ae hurt the ones we love, trust is hard to get back once lost. As addicts we can control this situation. The best thing for you to do is take care of yourself actions speak louder than words. Find a support group it has helped me. This addiction will read everything you love apart.
     
    Chudmeister, Jul 9, 2019
    Chudmeister, Jul 9, 2019
    #2
    Grip36 likes this.
  3. Jul 9, 2019 #3
    Grip36

    Grip36 Fapstronaut

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    Quick update for anyone interested: it's mood swings. Doing something productive and talking to someone like @Chudmeister really did help. It's still there today, but better. I just had to look at the situation logically, without emotion. That helped a TON and has helped with all of my mood swings in this early stage.
     
    Grip36, Jul 9, 2019
    Grip36, Jul 9, 2019
    #3
  4. Jul 9, 2019 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Glad you updated us, insecurities are a strong and destructive force
     
    Deleted Account, Jul 9, 2019
    Deleted Account, Jul 9, 2019
    #4
    Grip36 likes this.
  5. Jul 9, 2019 #5
    Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

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    This is the problem with thinking of a partner as your "other half," on some level. As a cute saying is one thing, literally feeling like a part of you is gone, as if half of your body and/or heart is somewhere else is obviously going to be disconcerting.

    Healthy human maturation includes individuation, and I think it's a good idea to look at this in some detail, not to mention how it plays out in relationships. It's great that you're asking this at 17, you'll be way ahead of a lot of people if you address this now since plenty of people who are a lot older still have an issue with this as you can imagine.
     
    Awedouble, Jul 9, 2019
    Awedouble, Jul 9, 2019
    #5
    Grip36, BudoKai and Deleted Account like this.
  6. Jul 9, 2019 #6
    Grip36

    Grip36 Fapstronaut

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    @Awedouble Thanks for your comment, that’s awesome insight. I guess now that I’m not occupied so much by PMO every time I get bored, I’m realizing that outside of school and sports, I don’t really have something I’m chasing... and I think it’ll help with my recovery if I do.
     
    Grip36, Jul 9, 2019
    Grip36, Jul 9, 2019
    #6
  7. Jul 9, 2019 #7
    BudoKai

    BudoKai Fapstronaut

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    wow at 17, you are so lucky you are doing this at a very young age, it will be very beneficial for you later
     
    BudoKai, Jul 9, 2019
    BudoKai, Jul 9, 2019
    #7
    Grip36 likes this.
  8. Jul 9, 2019 #8
    Grip36

    Grip36 Fapstronaut

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    Grip36, Jul 9, 2019
    Grip36, Jul 9, 2019
    #8

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