New here but not to nofap

Hey everybody, I am new to this site, but have been on the subreddit for a couple of months now. I started with porn and masturbation around 13 yo. It was an occasional thing at first but spiraled down really quickly. This started back when having internet in your home was unheard of except for those well off, and porn was only on tape and magazine's. After losing my virginity late in high school, and losing the girl because I was grounded for wrecking my car, I went back to pmo for a few years. Then I met my first wife, which primarily came about because she was pregnant with my child, I had stopped and gave my attention to her. Then I caught her cheating, physically caught her. Put me in a bad way but I maintained no pmo, moved on, slept around a bit, then got divorced. I went back to pmo on lighter notes, and went through a few more rough relationships, each ending on them cheating. Then the pmo got heavier, feeling as though it was my fault. It continued to get heavier until I met my 2nd wife, whom I am still married to (by the grace of God) 12 years later. However, it hasn't been easy. The pmo continued and grew into needing more taboo porn. My wife knew about it, pointed it out numerous times, caught me in lies, and in turn, I became the cheater, even though it was with pmo and myself. We did have sex on occasion, but it has become a dead bedroom. I "tried" numerous times to stop, but found each time I wasn't ready. I couldn't stay fully hard during sex or any type of sexual stimulation except with porn involved. I didn't really believe it, so we tried an experiment. We had sex with porn playing next to us. I swore that I wasn't paying attention to it, but afterwards, she pointed out that I was at the hardest I had been in years, and my stamina was through the roof. I had stopped porn for a bit before this but continued with MO. After the experiment, I stopped everything. That was roughly 50 days ago. I don't keep an actual count because it serves as nothing but a reminder and possible trigger. Right now we are working on 60 days monk mode, possibly 90. My outlook on things have changed for the better. My desire for porn is all gone. My need to be with her has almost fully replaced masterbation. Still have urges, but most are to be with my wife. I am really looking forward to that time, helping out any way I can here, and maybe forging some friendships.

 

Thank you for the welcome. I think I will like it here better than the subreddit. I have had to make up new account after new account due to trolls and women that blame us for their dead bedrooms.

 

Thank you. I am glad that it helps you out so much. I know reading all of the posts, and finally being open helped me out tremendously.

 

Thank you. I am glad to be here.