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My Girlfriend cheated on me help

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Adidas trackies, Jul 8, 2019.

  1. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Let's just make something clear:

    Nobody on this thread condones her cheating.

    What she did was 100% wrong, and 100% on her.

    Porn addicts in general wants to be understood. They say, "I choose to watch porn behind my partners back/contact escorts/pay cam girls because (insert reason here)".

    Reasons include: addiction, compulsion, temptation, not loved as a child, not loved as adult, abused as child, other addictions such as weed or alcohol, "boys will be boys", depression, OCD, boredom and so forth.

    Now, they want (in general) to be immediately forgiven, no questions asked. "It was ok that I ruined my partners life because I was depressed and porn is an addiction".

    It's absolutely true that men watch porn because of reasons that sometimes can be heart breaking. However, it's quite universally understood that women who would choose other men over their partners are always whores, regardless of their reasons for it.

    A woman who stray outside her relationship because she is depressed, neglected, abused and so forth will never ever get the same compassion as a man would. Nobody would ever be interested in her reasons for doing what she choose to do. She will never have the get out of jail card that a guy has.

    Adidas has a choice here. He can choose to understand why she did what she did (without ever condoning it). If she is truly working on herself, maybe both can learn something invaluable about trust, loyalty and relationships. Maybe they can both live happy lives together and learn what triggers them to look outside of their union for comfort.

    Regardless of who we choose to enter into relationships with, we still have to work on our self and identify the reasons why we fail. Just moving onto someone new is unfortunately never enough.
     
  2. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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    Same happened to me, not in the same exact context, but pretty close. Not gonna tell you what to do, you need to decide that. Only thing I can suggest, is that you take a time off from her. You can think clearer when you are alone. Because right now, I believe that her precence will disturb you.
    So what is cheating to people?
    Spectrum is wide. For one its watching porn, to other its physical intercourse. I may have been accepting if she would have cheated on me once, driven by revenge and inner pain ive caused her by watching porn. But getting into new relationship and engagement, thats when I felt petrayed and deeply hurt. Because when she would hev cheated on me once, that would have been like somekind of equalisation for us in my book, but the new relationship whit engagement felt like overkill. It tore me apart. But what about my 20 years long relationship with porn when I was with her? She was in deep pain allso, feeling unattractive in every way, because when I watched porn, it was to her like im telling: anyone else but you. That shit hurts everyone, no matter the sex. And what she did to me, would hurt everyone deeply allso.
    How is it seen and felt by opposite sexes?
    Same-same but different
    When is the right time to move on?
    Take your time. Be honest with yourself and her. Try to look it from both of your point of view, and then step aside and look it from there. For me it took 5 years, not to blame her or myself. Understanding myself and her. Forgiving her, myself and us. And you know what, ive decided to try again with her, knowing the risk, the pain I'll feel if it happens again. Its a scary step for both of us, and believe me, im happy, that knowing the pain we have both suffered pecause of what we did to each other, we are still willing to try again, against all odds and what others say, because we still love and care for each other. Or we are both extremely stupid . Time will show.
    So cry your heart out, then man up and face the world. Best of luck to all of you here.
     
  3. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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  4. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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  5. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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    I call BS on that. Not true nowdays.
     
    PeterJL likes this.
  6. Despicable me

    Despicable me Fapstronaut

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    Dont get personal, its my experience in life and yours are just different. Yes, Ive been an addict for 20 years. And I didnt say that I had any right. I didn't. I was honest about what I did, and regret what I did. It feels like you are putting your hurt on me. Hope you find your peace.
     
  7. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    I agree!! And the women should do the same to the PA's. Afterall, what's good for the goose....
     
  8. QuittingPMOforever

    QuittingPMOforever Fapstronaut

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    Comparing his 1 watching at porn and her real cheating is one of biggest nonsence ive ever heard. I am wondering are you guys even trolling him

    My post is not silly and its same serious as theirs, i am sharing my views (which you dont like) and you attack anyting else but my facts becouse you have no argument

    All i am telling is already well known, i was learning stuff like those for years. See it by yourself and you will see who knows nothing



    Hahahahaha

    I am telling you reality how it is, not how you want it to be
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Your definition of cheating is not of value in this case. It's her definition that's important. If you are in a foreign country, you shop with their currency. If you are with a woman, you must take into account her values. Trust me, if you are going to watch porn behind your girlfriends/wife's back, you will not have succesful relationships. I'm not referring to you specifically, but to any man that reasons like you. Women reason differently. You can change the woman over and over and still be faced with the same issue!

    We can shout that grass is not food until we are blue in the face, but horses will never agree!
     
  10. Temperate_Beast

    Temperate_Beast Fapstronaut

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    Do you know what a woman wants from his man ?

    - A woman wants her man's shoulder to cry on, for her problems.
    - A woman wants his man to be a solution to every problems in her life.
    - And a good and healthy dick to satisfy her

    You never had the guts to fulfill her needs and expectations. She probably gave you a chance, but you failed.

    You are supposed to see this, it explains every thing. But avoid that man in the picture, try to understand the quote.. 76ffbbca2eb98e1587dccdad45968781.jpg
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Break up with her. When you feel like everything is worthless and too difficult for you we will be there for you.... That's what a Heroes job is. Saving lives but hearts too!
     
  12. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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  13. thetrying.girlfriend

    thetrying.girlfriend Fapstronaut

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    I can definitely understand why she cheated ...

    It’s not easy dealing with the PA stuff

    But cheating is never right ! So both of you just need to move on

    She’s really hurt from what you did. And this is the way she’s cope With things

    Fix yourself 1st , then try the girlfriend thing again

    Good luck ! You sound like a good guy.
     
  14. Hmmm ??? i sense a bit of a justification from you for what she did. Dont get me wrong its bad hes camming with girls but actually she went out and literally got slayed by the D. She should have been more understanding of his situation and stuck by him to resolve the situation. Since he actually had the balls to tell her the truth but literal cheating is a massive deal breaker on both sides and he should leave her ass. End of.
     
    Despicable me likes this.
  15. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I believe I've stated in all my posts that what she did is 100 percent inexcusable. However, in this forum PAs tend to want to be understood as to why they treat their spouses like absolute crap, so I think it's fair to look at a woman's reasons in the same way.

    It's not unusual for a woman to prefer that her man has had a physical affair with one lady (or "slaid her with the D" as you so eloquently put it) opposed to secret sexual online endeavours with 1000s of other girls. We do not consider cheating less severe because it wasn't physical. Men look at things differently than women. The opinions I've voiced here are not exclusively my own, but those of basically every woman I've ever encountered.

    In this case, both parties came clear with each other. I also think it's worth considering that they are both very young. I think he has shown tremendous maturity, more so than most men twice his age. She has acted in an extremely immature way, but if he is ready to forgive her, she has a chance to learn from her mistakes, be a better partner and a better human. I would say the same if she was a man. People make mistakes, what's more interesting is if they are ready to 1. Admit to them 2. Put in the work to make it up to the people they've hurted and 3. Never do it again.

    In this forum I've read about men who has abused their partner in the most horrendous ways imaginable (went to prostitutes, watched millions of videos of vomit inducing material, fantasized about despicable things such as rape, torture and zoophilia; men that have disowned their own children and families, wasted all their families money on porn, lied and exploited people's trust, lost their job and income, supported the abuse of women, children and even animals), not to mention physically and mentally abused their spouse for decades, and us women are suppose to forgive, forget and forgive some more because the man had an addiction. I'm very supportive of forgiveness in every regard, but why should forgiveness only be given to men?
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2019
  16. You know I agree with you 100% but the reason you’re not able to get through to these types of men is because they are so early in their recovery they’ve yet to understand the differences in men and women. They have no empathy.
    These men have no clue that to most women porn is no different than cheating. They just don’t understand it. Maybe in time they will.

    I would have rather my man cheat on me with one woman. At least I would be able to pick all her flaws and feel like I’m better in some ways. I can never compare to the thousands of women he chose to watch while ignoring me. You’re right, we as women are expected to just forgive our men for this. “Boys will be boys” right? If the shoe were on the other foot and these men were not addicted to P and their woman turned them down night after night because she’d rather PMO how many men would stay? I doubt many.
     
    need4realchg and Lilla_My like this.
  17. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    I would like to say I could count these men on my ten fingers, but I'm afraid my two thumbs would suffice.

    I also have a theory that Team "dump her ass" are very young. When young, ones world view is much more black and white. When we are young we think that there are bad humans and good humans, angels or whores, villains or heroes. Age, not to mention marriage or long term relationships, teaches us that humanity is flawed. We will always deal with something, may it be our partners lying, foul breath, kleptomania, recklessness, bad cooking, illiteracy, cheating, well the list goes on and on basically forever. We can throw our partners away left and right, but we will invariably be left with just another flawed partner or no partner at all.

    Maybe we need to ask ourselves deeper and more constructive questions, like "what can I do to be a better partner?" "What is my partner willing to do?" "Are my partners choices something I can live with/deal with?" "Can I trust that this doesn't happen again, and if not, how can I learn to trust him/her?"
     
  18. RUNDMC

    RUNDMC Fapstronaut

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    What you allow is what will continue. Decades of relationship torture doesn't happen to men because they're willing to take decisive action and leave. It happens to women all the time because they're trapped in their feelings and fairy tales and sit passively waiting for someone else to change.
     


  19. Okay lets deconstructs your amazing logic that you have eloquently put forward.

    "It's not unusual for a woman to prefer that her man has had a physical affair with one lady (or "slaid her with the D" as you so eloquently put it) opposed to secret sexual online endeavours with 1000s of other girls. We do not consider cheating less severe because it wasn't physical. Men look at things differently than women. The opinions I've voiced here are not exclusively my own, but those of basically every woman I've ever encountered."

    So basically you and all the other female collective that you have encountered cant disseminate between the distinctive immoral acts because its all the same. So you would rather let your man get eloquently get fucked by another woman rather than talking to 1000's of women online. Okay both are just as bad but theres a spectrum between bad and worse. So by your female logic worse is bad and bad is worse. So its like me saying i cant fantasise about killing people as many times as i want, but it would be cool for my spouse to let me kill only one person for real and then she can forgive me and forget. Okay yeah nice one.

    "She has acted in an extremely immature way, but if he is ready to forgive her, she has a chance to learn from her mistakes, be a better partner and a better human. I would say the same if she was a man. People make mistakes, what's more interesting is if they are ready to 1. Admit to them 2. Put in the work to make it up to the people they've hurted and 3."

    This guy would be an absolute moron to forgive a literal cheat, she already displayed her amazing female tendencies to fuck a guy over in his time of need. This proves her limited capacity of her moral compass. Only a coward cheats because they dont have the balls to leave the person that they are going to cheat on. She only wanted to stay with her man if things didnt work out with tyrone or chad the brad who amazingly serviced her in her emotional time of lneed and vulnerability. Studies have shown that it is likely that a spouse that has cheated once will do it again.

    In this forum I've read about men who has abused their partner in the most horrendous ways imaginable (went to prostitutes, watched millions of videos of vomit inducing material, fantasized about despicable things such as rape, torture and zoophilia; men that have disowned their own children and families, wasted all their families money on porn, lied and exploited people's trust, lost their job and income, supported the abuse of women, children and even animals), not to mention physically and mentally abused their spouse for decades, and us women are suppose to forgive, forget and forgive some more because the man had an addiction. I'm very supportive of forgiveness in every regard, but why should forgiveness only be given to men?

    Again Here you make no hierarchical distinction between the immoral acts put forth because the spectrum of bad acts is all the same to you or the reverse whichever way you want to look at it. Of course seeing prostitutes, loosing their jobs due to porn while having families and not giving a shit about their kids is bad. Thats severe shit and shouldn't be really forgiven to be fair. But if a dudes just struggling with porn but still wouldnt actually cheat on his wife physically and still loves her which do you think is worse ?.

    And you say "us women" i am so sick of this shit, here comes victimisation of the female collective like men are all evil and only do bad acts towards women because we should always forgive. Do you know the amount of women that watch porn aswell? do you ? Alot and growing by the number. You dont think thats bad to. How about how women fuck guys over in the court system and divorce them for guy whos are richer and still get alimony from their Ex's bleed them dry and the government. While he gets to be the weekend daddy. Should it not be a 50/50 custody ? Look at the numerous amount girls on social media who claim to love their boyfriends while so many men are messaging them. You guys have way more options than men on average and will be willing to dump and cheat in moments heart beat. Dont be so butthurt that women are the only victims nowadays, if anything women get more rights in this country and treat men like shit nowadays both are as bad as each other. Innocent male professors are being fired left right and centre by the me 2 dick movement and feminism. Before you go on a female victimisation rant Look at both sides before coming to an irrational judgement.
     
  20. RUNDMC

    RUNDMC Fapstronaut

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    Porn is conceivably worse because it rewires a man's entire sexual template, which an affair with one woman is unlikely to do.
     
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