falling down deeper in the void

Im tired of trying to rid off this bull***; I just can't, this is overwhelming me I never before did have suicide thoughts but recently it's appeared; I'm so depressed I cry every night and think in what I have became and how I couldn't overcome this ***; I can't sleep, I'm feeling sick like I'm going to have a heart attack.

I don't have any friend to who talk and tell them about my problem also I can't tell it to my parents because it's gonna be worst I'm lonely in this battle, battle that I almost loose, I have 21 almost 22 I've been in this hole for 10 years lonely I've never have a girlfriend or a close friend who I could count I'm telling how I'm feel here because of this need of tell to someone how I feel.
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I'm trying believe me that I'm, also I tried to stayed positive seeing what will come next, recently more because i have to move to another country for trying to get a better life quality and not only for me also for me parents I must do it theres no other option, my country is dying and theres not future for young people like me (the situation of my country it's other thing that drepress me everyday because what you get paid its not even reach to eat) but seeing that I can't overcome this how I'm going to approach this news challenges that will come, thanks for the advice its good to read someone caring for you