My 90 days !!!!!

Today is 90 days !!!!! This is my third time trying to write this . I felt like I was making it too long before. So I'm gonna try bullet points.

Literature , activities , apps , things I've learned , people that were pivitol to getting to 90 days ;

• Books; sex addiction 101, out of the doghouse , adult children of alcoholics, SAA green book, a gentle path through the 12 steps.
• Accountability2you application
• Sex physcologist, acupuncture, SAA groups
• Accountability partners ( tao Jones)
• Making my " three circles " diagram ( this was HUGE
• Telling my spouse literally ...... Everything ..... Every single little thing..... 2 escorts, three rub rugs , sex porn addiction , VR porn , MDMA, and numerous other lies. I told her everything a month in... And that is really when I was able to start my recovery . THIS IS ESSENTIAL.
• Deleting anything that could be a trigger or high risk situation , snap chat , Facebook , instagram
• Looking at my addiction as a pool of muck . You have to scoop all the muck out and get to a solid foundation . Then once you have it all out , you have to make sure muck doesn't start to build up again .. if you feel muck ( a little lie for example ) you need to scoop that out asap .
• The addiction is like a cockroach .. it likes dark and secrecy ... You NEED to have that spotlight on you .. even though it's SO uncomfortable.
• The addiction , even though it's a huge problem , is not the foundational thing. For me , I've realized that I feel a black hole feeling in me , I don't feel special , loved because of my childhood. I used porn escorts to externally make myself feel good because I didn't know how to do it internally. Right now , I'm working more on self soothing , and self positive talk. I need to learn to love myself.

Positives I've noticed

• I'm way, way way more present in my life. I have a whole new appreciation for the small things . But more importantly I have a new presentness with my fiance , and my 18 month son .
• I'm more patient , and less selfish , and less self centered . I'm learning that I need to allow my fiance to feel what she is feeling for however long she needs to feel it.
• I'm more emotional . Not going to lie, I've been crying alot ... This.. is a GOOD thing . I've spent 20 years numbing and surpressing my feelings . It is SO GOOD to start letting this out.
• I'm starting to respect boundaries , and putting in my own boundaries .
• I'm protecting my family from unhealthy people
• I'm starting to feel more close and intimate with my fiance. And not in a sexual way at all. We haven't had sex yet , because A) she isn't ready, and B) I'm not ready ... I don't think I can differentiate my true motive for that yet. Do I want to feel intimate and close with the woman I love, or do I want a release in the form of acting out ? I don't know yet. And I want to make sure when we do that it's for the right reasons .

Im sure there is so much I'm missing so much .
If anyone is just starting their journey to fight their addiction. And they need an accountability partner , someone to talk to , tips and advice on getting a good grasp and a better understanding , especially with when it comes to being in a relationship . Please do not hesitate to PM me.

If there is any questions at all, please don't hesitate!!!!

90 days is just the beginning of the rest of my life .I am excited to keep going with this. I don't plan on ever watching porn again . And I know I must be very aware of P-SUBS, triggers , high risk situations and managing my addiction for the rest of my life . That's not a negative or impossible thing to do. I look at it the same way someone who finds out they have diabetes ... You have it the rest of your life, and you have to manage it the rest of your life ... But you can still have a life just as good if not better than someone who doesn't have diabetes !!

Up up and away !!!

 

It's a diagram with three circles. One inside the other inside the other. The inner most circles you write down all the things you consider a full relapse , color it red, the middle one you write down all your triggers , high risk situations and anything that if partake in will lead you to the things in the red ( you will relapse ) in mine , this is where I put PSUBS, feeling sorry for myself , shame , videogames , drinking etc ( color this orange ) then the outer most is all the healthy things you want to plan on doing to replace your old unhealthy habits , and things you do already . For example meditation , pushups , talking to sponsor etc. Color is green. For me this helped so much especially with what I put into my orange. I found that it helped preveny my addiction push any boundaries towards relapse. I couldn't think " ohh well I can watch these sexual music videos because that's not porn ". Because I put " sexual music videos " in my middle orange circle.

Google search. " Three circles addictions " for probably a better answer. Haha.

For mine. I made it all nice andnprfession , colored it with markers, and even lamenated it and put it up on my wall. I found this helped me.

 

Thank you so much sir wankalot for your great comments. I am definitely going to go look at those right now.

 

The fighter96;

I highly recommend the three circles diagram and putting effort into almost an arts and crafts object. I found that making mine really helped me to set up very clear definitions on what I thought a relapse was , very clear definitions on what things I have to stay away from or else they will lead to relapse, and having a list of things that I can do that's healthy if I find myself dabbling in those things that will lead me to relapse .
I found ... By putting it on paper, and making them colorful and laminated, it didnt let my addictive thinking push the boundaries as much as they would in past times which would always lead to a relapse.
For example; I consider watching porn a relapse . Watching overly sexual music videos , gym pictures with girls wearing yoga pants , etc are things I knew were triggers for me that would eventually lead me to relapse. So having those on my paper , didn't let my mind say it was ok to do those things. Because there they were. .... On paper saying they aren't ok.

I highly recommend three circles diagram !