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How to meet chicks

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by BornAgain'18, Jul 13, 2019.

  1. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    This may have been put a bit harshly bro... But I have to agree with the logic you're putting forward.

    From my experience, online dating, speed dating, and places where people are intoxicated are generally the worst places to find romantic partners.

    There are exceptions to this of course, and who am I to say people who met online don't get along? But overall, I think the natural approach is still best.

    Not only does expressing your attraction upon meeting someone show courage, but it gives both people a few seconds or minutes to figure each other out. (this is something the brain will do in the background, and simply isn't functioning when you merely see a picture)

    And the interesting thing about putting your neck out in the real world to meet a girl, is that hardly any men do it without coming across as incredibly nervous or overly aggressive. Seriously, it's as if there is no competition.
     
    mgz069 likes this.
  2. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    I am not a big fan of online dating myself but I won't judge people who do it.
    2 months ago, though, I met a girl through a friend of mine. In real life. I saw her only for a couple of minutes that day and we barely introduced ourselves. She had too leave to leave soon and we didn't get to talk or something. But I sensed some qualities in her and couldn't stop thinking about her.
    I asked my friend to arrange a meeting but it was not possible so far. I asked her not to tell the girl that I am into her.
    Many weeks have passed and I couldn't forget about her.
    So I thought I'll find her through Facebook because I have no other choice.
    So at the moment we are talking a bit here and there but it's not as direct as beeing in-person.
    Its harder to pass through your feelings and attitude using chat.
     
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  3. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Good example, it can be a balance between online and real life these days I guess.

    Maybe my methods suck with online chat and txt, but if I find too much of what I send is taken the wrong way or a girl's response are too slow... I just give up easily these days.

    But meeting someone where you do feel there could be a good connection can also call for a sustained effort, until she either shows interest, flakes completely, or shows disinterest. Worth it any way if the feeling is there though!
     
    mgz069 likes this.
  4. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    Yeah, that's why personally I've never used online dating because deep down I know that it is some form of an act of desperation. You trade your dignity for comfort and why? Just so some program algorithm can find you a partner, due to your (possibly) inability to do so through normal means. By agreeing to use online dating both parties are doing a compromise -
    "I will use this method and I find it acceptable" They just want a quick fix to their "single" status. "Get me, ANYONE, because this anyone is harder to find in the real world" I wouldn't like a woman that has kind of mentality even if I am successful with her of establishing a relationship. The points made about building emotional rapport and expressing yourself online above are valid. A good example is long-distance relationships, they are not as fulfilling as "real" ones. I would rather be rejected in the real world, than in online dating. And I have and it hurts. It's hard to recover from some failed attempts, but they make you stronger in the long run if you learn from them. It's ruff making social contacts and expanding your social circle, but it teaches you good life lessons. Unfortunately, the activities I like - let's say hiking or reading, you can't find a young and beautiful woman there, at least in my experience. Most of them are old and by old, I mean 27+ or simply taken. That exhausts the events I can go to without the sole intention of meeting a woman. Yes there are much more alternatives out there and I'm aware of it. Lots of sports that I may find enjoying. Where do the young women go usually? clubs/bars/concerts and I don't like clubs becuase of the environment you are in - alcohol and loud music, bars - depends on the bar, some have a nice atmosphere, piano bars for example. Concerts? I've been only on a few, very few musicians can truly captivate me so I will go visit their concerts, most of the concerts are shitty commercial ones, which I wouldn't go to even if you pay me money. The public space is always there, but it's risky since the woman is minding her business running errands or going out with her friends, so it's hard to have success there also. And I still prefer putting myself out there, because eventually, I'll succeed and it will be way more rewarding than "swiping right" or whatever those online dating programs use...
     
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  5. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    See exactly.. Chat messages can easily be misunderstood because the other person cannot tell the expression or the way you say things.. especially if they dont know you in real life.
    Or say you ask her something, she sees it, ignores it for a few minutes and you get upset.
    In real life you ask something, she has to respond.
     
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  6. JB333

    JB333 Fapstronaut

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    A good way I think would be to buy a cute puppy. Take it to puppy school or wherever and get to know people through that. And take it for lots of walks - people will stop for the dog and end up chatting with you.
     
  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I see where you're coming from, similar situation for me and it is a bit of a struggle to find good places with enough young women. And also agree it is worth pushing through the social rejection or anxiety to get it done.

    I think one place that can be surprising is weekend fresh produce markets... Always guaranteed to see young healthy women there. And yes some are full-blown hippies but many are not lol. Less likely to see screen-in-face phone zombies, and good chances to strike up conversations through triangulation...
     
  8. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I think text is ideal for logistics, just arranging when to see a woman, even if you've been dating for months... Save the convo for real life IMO.

    I know with the last girl I dated she took everything the wrong way on text... She was joking with me, and I joked back, but she never got it. I literally had to explain on the next date how I use sarcasm for humour :/

    But going back to the whole models thing, I think every time a communication was breaking down with a girl, she wasn't really a good match for me anyways.
     
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  9. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    I agree on that.
    Speaking of texting, the girl i mentioned a few days ago just blew me off.
    We've been talking a couple of days and then she threw the "i am talking with someone else" bomb.
    Of course we all now what that means. She is not into me but was "afraid" to say so..
    I responded "you should have told me from the very first moment.. i understand".

    Im feeling a bit upset now.. I guess it will pass just like all the other storms pass
     
  10. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    That sucks man... Either a manipulator or just a bad communicator? But yeah it will pass soon. I got messed around with a girl 2 weeks ago I think... Just deleted her from my phone and tried to work on my goals. A few days after said rejection, I remembered a few things I didn't think would be compatible regarding her anyways.

    What would have been worse was going on a few dates with that girl in question only to find she was just liking the attention or whatever. So one crossed off the list, that's one step closer to finding a compatible girl who doesn't play games!
     
  11. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    I know.. But whether you like it or not, it does make you go all "whats wrong with me? why do i get blown off by the ones i truly like?" on your self!
    Also, the feeling of rejection which is not under your control
     
  12. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Yep that's true, but the storm will pass like you said man. I try to think of it as just my normal brain function trying to tell me "you're in trouble 'cause you couldn't procreate!". But really... there's so many girls out there and ones we like better as well.

    If I'm honest with myself, I put off a lot of interactions and flirting because of fear of rejection still. But all we can do is keep trying and take the small wins when they happen. The only losing move is not to play.
     
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  13. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    I guess you are right. The thing that frustrutes me though is not that we are in deficit of women. I do meet women here and there. It's just that its hard for me to find one that I truly like!
    I've been single for 2 years and only recently I met someone that impressed me.
    They're plenty of fish in the sea but 9/10 are rotten.
     
  14. breakfast_enthusiast

    breakfast_enthusiast Fapstronaut

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    Try new things, go to clubs and societies, etc. Find something you like doing that's social. Even if you don't find someone you might find something you like doing.
     
  15. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    That makes sense, you shouldn't settle for anyone that's just boring or has totally different values to you.

    How long do you take to come up with a conclusion though? I used to judge girls quite quickly, find a reason to not ask them out, and end up not getting to know enough women at all.

    First impressions are something, but I think a lot of people conserve their true personalities until you get to know them better. They might say things that sound trashy or generic, perhaps because they're afraid to say anything out of the norm and put you off. Meanwhile you may think, "another typical one". Just brainstorming here... Tell me if this is all whack lol!

    I mean if there's hardly any attraction sure. But if you're 50/50 and don't know them well enough, worth the effort to check IMO.
     
  16. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    It depends. A few weeks ago I met a girl and knew from the very first moment that I cannot take her seriously and be with her. She told my friend that she likes me and I should message her but I already "came up with my conclusion" so I did not contact her.

    Almost a year ago I've been hanging out with a girl in the gym. We were talking casually for 2-3 months and I wasn't sure what to do or not. I finally thought I should ask her out and so I did. She said something like "what took you so long?" or "I thought you were never gonna ask".
    Anyway we went on one date, and we made out in the car before I took her home.
    The next morning I woke up anxious as fuck! Thats when I knew that I am not really into her.
    We went for coffee that day and politely told her that I can't do this.

    I don't have an actual timeframe to "draw my conclusion", I guess it happens automatically.
     
  17. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Okay I see, I guess the more girls we meet the better the chances. But it's hard to have patience when so many chances are of non-interest for some reason.

    That's one challenge I have with the whole Nofap thing. Had to completely change my sexual expectations from "any day" to "maybe some time, …if I'm lucky".

    I try to think of girls as f-yes or f-no. But I also know that feeling of going on a date thinking I was interested, only to regret that investment later, but that's just part of the game no doubt.

    Man I'm getting towards the end of models... the book asked me to challenge myself (pg. 236) and in my case that would be cold approaching (or the lack thereof). Wish me luck lol.
     
  18. mgz069

    mgz069 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck man. Models covers pretty much everything
     
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