You can have withdrawals for 2 years straight? Holy fuck

I'd have to refute some of what your saying based on personal experience. Insomnia, twitching and headaches can stick around a lot longer than two to four months all of them being on and off since my reboot at slightly over 21.5 months, I know these are from withdrawal as they are gradually getting better as I go further and that the headaches, insomnia and twitches were severe earlier on. The twitches for example do not seem to be as hard and are more of a soft feeling, headaches very rarely making an appearance when I had them pretty bad for over 15 months and insomnia being utterly terrible throughout the most part.



Point 4 is interesting though as I have thought about that a lot during recovery.

 

Started around 11 years old, progressively got worse at around 19/20 and aged 21 I finally realised I was addicted so decided to quit. So yeah around 10 years

 

Interesting to hear this

 

R you on hardmode for 15 months or 15 months since trying nofap?

 

No I have MO since quitting P and I have a girlfriend too so have sex 1-2 per week. For me it’s been more the mental symptoms that are troubling rather than things like PIED which seem to be one of the most common things on this site.

 

Then you're not in a monk mode at all. Monk mode means abstaining from P, M, O and sex.

 

This is a great thread
It’s not a linear thing and that’s difficult for us as individuals to grasp: our whole rationalization process is referenced off of what? Personal experience.
What’s true for him may not be true for me..
The last year I tackled alcohol and removed it from my life, I’m happy to say I passed the 1year mark last month . I mention this for a reason. Although 1 year isn’t much to some, it’s a lot for me. And even though I don’t urge for drinks during the day and I’m not facing withdrawals or anything, even though I never was a daily drinker or a raging alcoholic, I still have weekly nightmares of drinking and relapsing.
Same with porn. Even though I never was as hardcore of a user as some, I have flashbacks, nightmares of porn seducing in my dreams, random invasive thought forms of starlets etc.
Even someone who “moderately” used for... 15 years there is going to be significant and lasting damage. But it varies based on numerous factors that are outside of porn, yet tied to it.
A realization that has made me feel stronger this time than ever before is that this is a necessary part of the journey. I’m not trying to escape the pain anymore or the fear or regret. Those are the tools that model me into a stronger man.

This is largely lost in today’s culture of instant satisfaction, unending comfort and endless vice.

But whatever pain lies before me is nothing in comparison to what a life full of regret, porn, lust and depravity would be.
How could I look back at the 10 year old me- as an old man- and say “I’m happy with the man I became.” with porn and lust and deceit in my heart?
It would be a life wasted.
Or look into my kids eyes and say I’m a good man
Look at my wife at night and know she truly is the only one on my mind.

How could I ever do that with the endless desire and suffering porn masks in it’s fleeting loveless pleasure?

 

Thanks for the knowledge Fenix. I always appreciate how you go above and beyond and provide us with all this information on recovery. I am still getting pulled back to viewing images and sometimes videos and I know that is considered edging even though I have no PO in nine months now. I feel much better but I still feel a year and things should be looking better. I really need to get a handle on looking at images again. I felt great the last month not looking at anything and you can feel your mind normalizing but something draws you back to watching. The flatline was there but because of my addiction over so many years the habit of looking at websites is going to take a longer bit of time.

I hope all is going good for you in recovery sir!

 

You've nailed it. Addictions are all about pain avoidance... as they act as instant stress/pain relievers. Addiction loses power over you, once you embrace the pain. When you reach the state of mind when you say to yourself: "F... it, just bring the pain, let me suffer! I'm stopping, even if it kills me" and you believe it 100%. That's all what is really needed to stop.

 

when we numb pain we also numb pleasure

 

Dear friends,

Checking in coming up to 5 months monk mode. I created an account as have lurked for sometime and wanted to share some experiences and get some advice from those further along the path.

Background - Im nearly 32 year old (male), started PMO when was 12-13. Watched porn via old VHS tapes etc, and although I masturbated daily through my life (avg. twice) never considered myself an issue with porn until around 28-29 years old - when started edging and watching it when high (cocaine) for hours etc. I definitely was a sex addict as well as porn and have slept with hundreds of girls (and prostitutes) over my time - I was a pretty big party animal in my 20's. Also from around 27+ had a pretty bad habitual (weekends - $3-500/week) cocaine habit - I'd stay awake from Friday-Monday and sleep with 2-3 girls, and watch hours and hours of porn. Through most of this thought I was just a young guy having fun!

After getting into meditation around 3-4 years ago as was pretty fed up with life - led me to the realization I had a problem with sex (and porn/cocaine) - which is insane how long it took me to realize this (a lot of my friends are still in to it)

I first attempted nofap in Novemeber 2018, and through the next 3 months, got to streaks of 35 days, I also slept with 7 girls during this time. Then in March, after doing a silent meditation retreat, I managed to get the resolve to stay strong up until now (coming up to 5 months).

I was always confident outgoing, and never had any real social anxiety until last few years, where in high pressure situations - meetings, presentations etc I'd get crippling anxiety for first time in my life.

Since starting nofap and giving up cocaine, alcohol etc (at the same time), I have experienced;

1) Crippling anxiety, namely social. Things like going to shop felt like having a panic attack. Seeing even family/close friends would make me feel panicky - I used to laugh at how crazy it was - it wasn't any conscious thoughts driving the anxiety, something in my brain/body didn't feel right which gave constant feeling of something 'going wrong'
2) In and out of crippling depression
3) Crazy crazy dreams and urges
4) HOCD coming and going
5) New extreme fantasies and urges for things I'd never had before

6) Constant throb/ache in front part of my brain around 1-2 inches from the front. Always a low throb/ache - but goes ballistic if even think about sex in anyway. Also to note - this same throb goes crazy when anxious also.

I've had some of the craziest urges I think is humanly possible to experience; to go have sex, do cocaine, see a prostitute, sleep with a number of kinky girls that I have in the past, and managed to ride them all out by using the Dharmma (teachings of the Buddha), and over 25 days in silent meditation retreat (vipassana).

My questions to the brothers further along, my main concerns are;

1) Only around every 3-4 weeks I have an attack of urges/fantasies but the content is traumatizing/scary. Do the crazy fantasies and urges ever return to more normal content or calm in to more normal urges - for example never really been into TS porn or anything - but since started nofap brain is craving to meet up with one or do something else similarly new and exciting when urges come.

2) Anxiety has improved drastically - but at 5 months mark, the brain ache/throb and anxiety are still present - do they ever go away?

Something tells me the ache/throb in brain, anxiety, and overall recovery are all interlinked - the day my brain stops aching is day Im probably recovered.

I will in due time make posts/videos regarding meditation/mindfulness and nofap, along with advice for the anxiety and depression that comes with it, and advice on how to cope. We can use nofap to simply rewire our brains sexually or we can use it as one of the greatest gifts to make huge progress on the spiritual path. I suggest the latter.

 

Create a new thread for this brother you’ll get responses.

 

I wouldn't worry about a lot of the extreme cases. Gabe deem (search him on youtube) said that he would watch porn for hours a day for 10 years of his life (throughout his adolescence), and it took him 9 months to reboot. people who take longer than that likely have even more extreme habits.

If you're like me and 'recreationally' viewed porn (for like 5 mins to get you off) for most of your life (for about 6 years in my teens- im 22 now) the damage done is fairly minimal, and a 30 day reboot should sort you. I spiralled out of control and did the abstinence/relapse/binge cycle for about a year, which did a lot of damage. so for me i'd expect somewhere between 2-5 months before I can have proper sex and honestly say im not interested in porn in the slightest.

when you're feeling down and vunerable the worst thing you can see is people who take years and years to 'reboot'. they probably also have some underlying issues or have unfulfilling lives which they haven't tackled. unless you were a hardcore addict (edging, kindling, binging, all you ever think about is porn etc) then it is extremely unlikely youll take years to reboot.

 

@humbleone I'm in the exact same boat... Starting nofap caused what feels like chronic panic disorder and agoraphobia in me. Also the social phobia, it is utterly hard to live with such a condition but you can bet this is down to neurological changes related to your addiction. I even had a series of stress induced nosebleeds two weeks after first abstaining, which seem to have turned into panic attacks, and kidney stones after relapses.

If like me you were an edger (watching hours of P before O), you'll need to think months or years in terms of recovery. The anxiety screams post acute withdrawal syndrome which is a condition that can take a couple of years to recover from. The anxiety only gradually gets better over time, provided that you do not relapse. It does get better but it can take a really long time to really get rid of. Should you relapse you'd only find the anxiety taking a turn for the worse. Don't make the mistake of thinking pmo inhibits stress and anxiety. I've been there. It's not true, withdrawal really is a cycle that must not be interrupted for however long it takes.

If it's too much for you to handle you could always consider SSRIs to take the edge off. It is a type of clinical depression/breakdown after all. No man should have to go through such a thing but as I've said before, you only know what porn is capable of once you're in withdrawal after a decade or so of daily use.
It should get better over time though but you're most likely in for the long run. Intrusive thoughts and disturbing thoughts are all there because of the anxiety. These can be pretty violent in nature. Don't dwell on them and let them pass.
For now, it's best to avoid anything that stimulates dopamine too much. Also avoid fructose in your diet, it exacerbates anxiety by blocking tryptophan in the blood.

 

That was one of my dreams to party and sleep with a lot of girls as well in my early 20's. However heavy porn, masturbation and orgasm kills this dream. In late 20's now I don't know if that's still possible as I develop a new mindset from the addiction especially from the withdrawals.

 

All I did the last six years was edge for hours at night or an hour in the morning before work. I believe you it will take years for this condition. I’m slowly getting over a lot of symptoms but the anxiety does rear its head every once in awhile. I believe at the end of one year GAD should be relatively almost gone. I am in flatline like I don’t care about work at all anymore. I love for being around other people any chance I get.

 

So acute depression, insomnia and anxiety for a whole year straight? They persist and continue to be just as strong as they had been when you first hit that stage, or do they subside a bit? How can you work, or study if you are still young? Did you get prescribed some medication to alleviate some of the effects, if only not to be driven insane by sleep deprivation?
Thank you for considering these questions.

 

Reading these stories are very sad. However it helps me as I never had any of these issues and was never addicted to porn. I saw porn but stopping watching any years ago was without any effort nor did I feel sick. Quitting masturbation has been progress for me as I get stronger in it each time. No sickness in me physically over it.

 

@humbleone
Just sharing a link of a thread which contains many long time reebooters experiences.Dont worry just hold on and keep going. You too will sail through....


https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/p-a-w-s-what-are-they-cure-duration.231859/

 

It depends on the person and their level of addiction. That's the easy answer but if anyone wants to add to that.