I mean, is porn really thaaaat bad?

So, you are a Bi.
You seem to have a good relationship with your wife.
You clearly identified Porn as a problem in your Post.
Also, saying that I shall watch for a particular duration has never worked for me and I have escalated throughout.
So if u r worried about "Porn Escalation"... Leave Porn... Atleast...

 

So, choice is simple and obvious... Leave Porn.

 

So, you by yourself Identify "porn" as a Problem. Something that takes most of your time, kills your productivity. But you want to be "free". "Been there, done that"
You are just giving yourself "very Poor" excuses. Freedom is without P, with P there is Bondage (pun intented)

 

This has seem to gone pretty off topic. I know what you mean by saying you don't want to spend hours scrolling through omeagle and I would have to agree. I would try to do mediation, exercise, and just activities during the day to keep yourself busy and keep your mind off of it. I don't think going to porn for that quick satisfaction is a great idea. Maybe try fapping without porn or any imagery? Then slowly progress to the point where you can get through the day without fapping? That would be my suggestion.

 

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/_beware-the-edge-and-the-long-cycle_.242676/
^Here is a brief glimpse of 4 years on NoFAP. Please please read this.
You are not "wrong" in saying, moving porn down to a few minutes a day would be better than where you are now. Absolutely, rationally thinking that is true.
I just ask you suspend your convictions for a few minutes while you read this and then afterword go ahead an pick them back up if you wish. Just for a moment if you will..

If you would, visualize porn as a form in front of you. Visualize it as a thing, a person. This form has it's own nature and it builds it's body off of the food of lust. Lust is what it eats & drinks. Not water or potatoes, the energy of lust.
We, decision making humans, get to choose how we use the energy that is sexual expression.
Where we err is in thinking that by changing our relationship to porn we can change the nature of porn itself. The more we fed the porn form with lust the more its form grew, and it grew in the exact image of us. This form now looks just like you, it talks like you, it sounds like you and it thinks like you. We can decide not to feed it as much but really we know it's still chained to us and IT is not rational. It still hits our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions. Eventually, it has grown to become so much like us that we no longer can tell the difference between who we genuinely are without lust in our hearts, and the form we created.

Ok come back. Pick up your notions of being able to control it again. Put on your rationalization and tell yourself that a little bit of poison is better than alot. And technically you would be right. But there is a still that part that knows, really knows.. you are not going to control this thing. Because it isn't rational. It consumes until there is nothing left. Some people are on a quicker burn than others, but eventually in the end it gets everyone the same.
Broken marriages, love lost, trust shattered, poor self image, days wasted, potential lost.

It's difficult to see when you are smack dab in the middle of it. It might not make sense and what i'm saying to you might feel "overboard". But you don't need to quit porn forever in one day.. You just need to say to yourself "Today, today i will do the absolute very best i can do, with no excuses." And if that day ends in looking at porn and masturbating, and you did your very best than you should sleep in peace. And the next day begin again.. Eventually you will see. You are stronger than you thought, you can do more than you thought, and that THOUGHT itself, that feeding of the form, was the only thing that was stopping you. A man locked inside a cage with the key in his hand all along.

 

I watched a fascinating study today by a professor who describes that repressing desires in almost every instance does not work. What he described does work is a reframing.

This is what I find works for me too.
Reframe the need , the drive.

For me the best way to defeat objectification is to connect with it. understand the person.

 

I'm going to split my answer in three, girls, boys, and either.

Girls

I think porn is wrong for a number of reasons, some personal, some political:

1. My porn use destroyed my wife's self esteem
2. My porn use made me a hypocrite: I was deeply concerned with women's issues but had a secret life consuming acres of porn
3. My porn use stopped me truly engaging with myself and my life
4. My porn use was escalating uncontrollably, especially in frequency and time spent
5. I couldn't stop using porn
   
6. Porn teaches us (men and women) that women are always up for sex and the more degrading that sex is the more women will enjoy it
   
7. Porn damages the vast majority of women who enter the porn industry
8. Porn poisons the way women are treated the world over

With those as my moral yardstick it is pretty obvious, I think, that the only acceptable amount of porn use is zero. I believe that is true for everyone.

But

which brings me onto the other half ...


Boys

My list would be slightly different for gay porn: I think the gay porn industry is still a disaster for most of the men working in it, they are not drawn in for healthy reasons and (however they protest) it is not doing them any good psychologically. But it does not carry the same intent that heterosexual porn does. The men making porn claim they love women. They do not, they are violent misogynists who love making money out of degrading women. The same is not true of gay pornographers. So I think gay porn is more acceptable than straight porn.

@gzoztra, I think you are gay, or at least that end of bisexual. So (for me) that brings in different advice. Let's imagine that the right sex for you is gay sex. In a perfect world you would have met and fallen in love with a man. But you didn't, you met and fell in love with a woman. Now what? You could leave her and pursue a more authentic gay life and she could remain your best friend forever, like Freddie Mercury and Mary Austin. Or you can stay married to her and find a way to make it work. That way may include masturbating to gay porn, especially if she sanctions you doing that.

(These answers are very opinionated, and I may be wrong. I hope I have not overstepped the mark or offended you @gzoztra.)


Either

Many of us find that the best (only?) way to prevent that escalation is to stop. Set yourself a hard but attainable goal, say 30 days without any porn, and once you have achieved that see how you feel and decide on your next goal. (N.B. Although it seems counter intuitive, I would recommend stopping masturbation too. I was so use to the all-encompassing pleasure of masturbating to porn that masturbating without was often slightly frustrating, and that frustration set me up for failure.)

Are we all here to beat a bad habit? No, we are here to beat an addiction. Why do you think we call it an addiction? Because, like you, we have failed again and again and reached the point where we are frightened that we just cannot stop. That is why we are here. With hard work and the support (and challenge) of friends here many of us turn that addiction around. Because of this site I am 1,028 days free of porn. I was frightened too.

 

when a man says 'i am deeply concerned with womens 'issues'' run away as fast as possible

 

Alright mate let me break this down for you. This probably isnt what you want to hear but its the truth so its best you know it.

If you have an addiction... you must stay away from it, completely clean, for the rest of your life if you want to be free.
You say you escalated into weird genres, that its ruining your life and you can't stop. you have an addiction to porn. it doesnt matter if thats PMO, or omegle, or instagram. It's an addiction.

I spent the last year or so trying to quit porn. first by half assing recovery, and secondly by putting nofap on a pedestal. But you're not even on that stage yet.

You're seriously here trying to defend your porn addiction? what actually is the point? everyone on nofap has basically gone through enough to see an addict in denial.

So here. accept that you have a problem and you must change. all of these habits have to go if you want to be truly free and fulfilled.

Some tips about how to do it.

Remove triggers (leave phone in car or attic, remove electronics from bedroom, live a busier lifestyle, workout etc).

secondly read this article:
https://www.mywealthshop.com/withdrawal-symptoms-of-nofap-things-to-expect/
you will get many symptoms but just remember you're not actually feeling those things, its just the addiction crying out. its your brain changing. its a good thing. every time your brain tells you 'go on instagram and search for that one girl', or 'go on google and search that without clicking on it' is the addiction talking. it is nofap working. accept the thought but dont listen. you know what it is. it is nofap WORKING.

finally dont worry, urges and desperation will come and go but eventually they will leave forever as long as you're clean. you will then discover your true sexuality and your wife will seem like a godess.

good luck

 

The first step towards recovery is acceptance. You've mentioned dark fetishes(Not harmful or illegal as you say). I need you to understand if these fetishes are dark, then they are harmful. They are even more harmful because they are porn induced. It's like watching Terminator film, then shooting everyone because you want to become like him. It's your relationship. You choose what you do and she chooses what she wants to do, but your and her actions define how much you both value the relationship. I'll give you an example. If you masturbate to someone else and she masturbates to someone else, ask yourself, is this relationship really about each other anymore? The problem with porn is, it glorifies cheating, cuckolding, cuckqueaning. Porn shows cheating like its homework and everyone must do it. Ask someone who never watches porn if he/she would ever imagine the things shown in porn. 99% of people would say they don't know what you're talking about. It is the proof of how much trash porn puts in our brain. Monogamy might sound a boring concept in this world of wildness, but trust me its something you'll never regret in the last stages of your life.

 

I don't know you personally and you don't know me personally. But all I can tell you is, keep the relationship free of porn. Be the person you were before porn. It is an addiction. I'm here because I realized it. You're here because you've realized it but you don't wanna accept it clearly. You're missing out on so much brother. Go on dog walks with her. Go to Norway, put a tent, lie down on the grass and watch the Northern Lights with her! Tell her things you observed in nature today! Sit under the sky and watch the stars together with her!? The list goes on and on bro. It hurts to say, porn has ruined beautiful and creative minds who could've achieved a lot more in life today. Don't be one of them.

 

Simon Sinek described dopamine addictive behaviours in the form of alcohol, gambling and social media. He explains that these are not necessarily 'bad', but too much of it is bad. He didn't talk about food or sex, but I imagine porn is pretty much in the sex category. Maybe porn isn't 'bad' but too much of it is. If it's taking over the majority of your day then you have a problem.

 

You can. You just didn't want it enough.

The day you hate the dark P drags you into more than you hate missing P is the day you accept full responsibility for each action and you get rid of it. You suddenly realize you can.

You lock that phone and computer so that it takes a few minutes when the urge hits you before you can access them. You get rid of them for weeks, if needed; take cold showers and a walk every time it hits you.

Drastic? I'd say necessary. Priorities.

I should know, don't look at my meager counter - I've been free for years, then took a conscious decision to medicate again using P at a bad turn in life.

There's no such thing as "I can't" - as long as no one holds a gun to your head. It's only "I don't want it enough."

 

Hey dude!

Look man, in all honesty, if your partner says it feels like you're cheating by watching porn, then to her you're cheating. You might have a different view but to our partners, it's an entirely different view. But yes, in this case, you are cheating by using porn. As for looking at other girls, do you mean in a sense where you check them out? We all find other people "attractive" but a normal, genuine person wouldn't give up the connection and relationship they have with their partner for someone they hardly know at all.. unless you can't control yourself and have sex, then you'd be cheating.

Masturbation isn't bad in the slightest. A lot of people on here/reddit paint it out making it look like (gonna exaggerate a bit here, but honestly, some people do go to the extreme) it's worse than being a heroin/meth addict. If you masturbate like 8 times a day like we all did when we were extremely horny 14-15 year olds, then masturbation will become "bad" for you mentally. Physically the only thing you'd be feeling is a pretty sore dick and being drained of energy and shooting cumdust after your 4th or 5th session of masturbating. Generally doing anything "too much" is a characteristic within addictive personalities.

I couldn't hold a job either, I've watched so many scientific videos about porn and masturbation and just realized how addicted I truly was after the content I watched hinted out a lot of things that I relate to. Ever since I finally convinced myself to cut out porn, after saying no to "yeah i'll use it in moderation", bro, I want to get out there and work, I actually want to fucking earn money rather than sitting at home inside my room playing games I don't enjoy to pass the time. I used to DREAD working, I thought about nothing but home. But now? I think about the debts im going to pay off, I'm thinking about the gym membership that I'm going to buy, I'm thinking about the healthy diet that I will be funding, I'm thinking about the stuff that I want to buy, i'm actually getting excited and smiling by typing and reading this.

If you think Porn/masturbation is ruining your life, then abstain from doing so. Masturbation isn't bad if you can limit yourself to like 1-2 times a week, 1 time a week is perfect in my eyes but for me, I wouldn't do it because I'm a bit more deeper in porn than I realized, but i know i'll win this.

 

I agree with the said advice. I think the purpose of nofap is to better YOUR life in the way YOU think it might help YOU. I have tried and failed many times conforming to what others think. The more I quit cold turkey the more I eventually gave in and ended up doing hours of PMO anyway sooner or later. The best advice I have received is everything in moderation. No one is perfect, everyone gives in at some point in their lives, just try not to make it a habit by focusing on something else to take up more of your interest, time and energy. People may disagree with me but if you're gonna kid yourself and end up doing PMO then make sure it doesn't take over your entire day. Make sure you have enough time in your day to do more productive things in your life so you can say 'hey I managed to accomplish x and y today'. But don't 'resist' PMO altogether, it just makes things harder and makes fapping inevitable in future.

 

Your 5min is leading to 5hours.....
All addictions start minor, then lead to major problems don't you agree...
Tabacco ...... Gambling.... Drugs... are classic examples