Motivation issues

Hi Dorf,

Does your wife know about your PMO'ing? If she does how does she feel about it? The biggest motivator for me has been the upset my PMO activities caused my wife. I was always ashamed of using porn and when I first got caught it was like someone had lifted a great weight off my shoulders and I stayed clean for weeks afterwards. When I slipped backed into it and got caught again (and again) I finally woke up to the pain that it was causing and that motivated me to get more serious about recovery (joining NoFap, recovery groups, reading etc).

If that's not the case then I signed up to the Fortify program during my first attempt at recovery. That was really useful as it explained the mechanics of the addiction and the harm that the industry as whole can cause. That has the potential to be a motivating factor, being more aware of how toxic the whole P industry is.

Another angle might be to work on a way to deal with the urges. Exercise, a hobby, a club, something to direct your energy into and take it away from PMO'ing.

Just a few thoughts.

 

You don't need your wife to be your motivation. Check out the other forums, the success stories, the Porn Addiction form, etc. You can be your own motivation. She doesn't have to hate it for you to want to quit and it seems like you get that which is good. However, she can still be your support if you help her understand that porn itself isn't the problem, the addiction is. That is, if she understands that you are suffering from a mental health problem, which addiction is, she may support you in that quest. Just be mindful of the fact that you're going to have an addict voice telling you from time to time "my wife doesn't care so this isn't a problem so I can just go look at some porn now".

Just want to call out this part:

If she did, do you think that would bother her? If yes, you should tell her. It might not bother her that you use it "occasionally" but it might bother her that you use it frequently, which I am inferring from your post. If you can honestly say that's not a factor, ok then. Just go to the other forums and start reading around and develop your own motivation and your own plan, get some accountability and get to work. If you've got the bucks, Mark Queppet's academy which is linked here to nofap is good stuff.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

Actually, I didn't say that last part right. You should be honest with her about your frequency of use regardless of whether or not she would care.

 

It sounds like you both know a bit about what each other are doing, which helps to have a good base for discussion. I would discuss what you asked us, with her. With both of you looking at this together you should be able to come up with a solution that works well for both of you. If it isn't working quite right at least you are both involved in resolving this with mutual understanding and can work together to make needed changes.