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Dealing with a lot of loneliness

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by nicholashollywood, Jul 25, 2019.

  1. nicholashollywood

    nicholashollywood Fapstronaut

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    Any guys around my age (just turned 25) down to talk about loneliness and how to combat it?
     
    Dovester90 likes this.
  2. Skillzthebadguy

    Skillzthebadguy Fapstronaut

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  3. path_finder

    path_finder Fapstronaut

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    Hi I am 31.

    While modern society Fosters loneliness IT IS the porns fault that IT manifests itself in each individuals Life. Porn is Like the demon from every other Horror movie. Lock the demon Out and WE all will BE fine.

    I Just found Out how lonely porn makes us.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. nicholashollywood

    nicholashollywood Fapstronaut

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    Would love to hear more on your perspective. Message me.
     
  5. mikewayne76

    mikewayne76 Fapstronaut

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    It doesn’t matter what age you are, if you are a PMO person you wil battle it regardless. I’m married and I feel along because my two year relapse into PMO has greatly impacted my marriage Andy the intimate connection with my wife.
     
  6. path_finder

    path_finder Fapstronaut

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    If You have a wife Take her instead of porn.
     
  7. mikewayne76

    mikewayne76 Fapstronaut

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    I agree but when you are a PMO addict that is hard to do
     
  8. I don't read this forum as I feel I can only face one thing at a time.
    You're trying to improve. Good.
    Keep learning, friend..
     
  9. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    I understand I used porn from a young age due to lonliness and desire for a real relationship. I would say that as you quit PMO you begin to seek out more meaningful relationships.
    Remember PMO will omly increase that depression amd lonliness youre feeling. Try to take time to meditate and let the healing process work its magic
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  10. SKU_15

    SKU_15 Fapstronaut

    I've been battling the PMO addiction for quite some time now and have dealt with depression and loneliness for a few years (I'm 26). Even when I was in a relationship, my addiction to porn made me feel satisfied, but only while I was engaged in it. I got to the point where I ended the relationship because I felt I didn't need or want her. (big mistake)

    I recently reached out to a therapist so I have someone I can talk to in person about the things I'm battling. It's been really nice and so far it's been easy to talk to him. He understands the PMO addiction that some guys battle and is aware of NoFap. He encourages me to continue with this site, and to keep a separate journal for us to go over when we meet.

    I never thought I would get to the point of needing a therapist, because I often thought my loneliness was something only I controlled, not like he is going to help me find a girlfriend lol. But having a trained professional there that I can talk to and can give me ways to overcome this terrible feeling I'm going through, is helping.

    In agreeance with @DeepParkWater , as we abstain from PMO, we are retraining our brains to talk to people, and want to be around real people, not the fictional characters on our computer screens. It takes time, but having a long-term goal will help you get through it.

    Feel free to message me if you want to talk!
     
  11. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    Its good that youre getting help from a therapist, I've contemplated seeking professional help but for financial reasons Ive decided not. I completely understand what you mean about battling PA while in a relationship. I recently got out of a long term relationship, large in part due to it TBH. In reflection now that I look at it PA really destroys the true potential of a real meaningful relationship if taken to the extremes. Kudos to you for seeking professional help and I wish you all the best of luck on your journey.
     
    SKU_15 likes this.
  12. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    Hey,
    been free from porn for 5 years and currently building a Discord group for "gaming nofappers" - meaning that we support each other, keep each other accountable, talk about stuff that is important to us and of course, play some games together.
    Something else you have to look forward to other than porn.
    Contact me if you want to join.
    Best wishes and kudos for reaching out. That needs a lot of strength sometimes too
     
  13. path_finder

    path_finder Fapstronaut

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    I think porn makes us dumb. I think porn takes time we could use to be productive and successful. Porn makes us sad and near crying. Porn gives us Depression. Porn is a lie. Porn is bad for you. Porn makes aggressive. Porn has dumb stories…

    Why again do we all watch this filth? To hell with porn… but we have to Control ourselves…

    Porn is the reason 1 for unhappiness in single men.
     
  14. pfb2019

    pfb2019 Fapstronaut

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    Everytime I think about getting out there and meeting and talking to new people, whether male or female, or friendship, I am so discouraged and also get depressed a lot, and it sucks. I'm getting nowhere with my therapist. I know I have to work at it, but jeez, WTF do you do when you can't make conversation, and I mean a real conversation? What in the hell do I have to do, where do I go from here to take my focus off the opposite sex and just live a normal life?!! I feel hopeless all of the time, and I can't do anything or get motivated, even when I go to the gym and walk 2 or 3 miles. What am I missing here? I'll tell you what it is. it's lack of social skills. Man I wish I would have gone out with that girl from high school. But at that time, I did not have a plan for my life and didn't know what I wanted to major in and then dropped out twice. My personality says it all. Do I want to write a book? Yes, but again, nothing comes out of my head and write on paper. I probably should get out that mini-recorder, you know, the ones they don't make anymore, so that when I think of something I'll have a record of it. And then another thing I can't understand is this technology. I can't even find on my phone how to record a voice message for anyone who calls. I guess I'll buy one of those semi-new ones. I don't even know how to use an i-pod or to download music and use it on my phone. All this tech stuff and I don't know how to use it. I don't have friends that can help me. And it takes me like, five times to learn or remember. Don't have the $@%^ing time to wait around. I figure I have, at the most, thirty years left to live, but nobody knows when God is ready for us.

    What is it with the 'be yourself' crap? what comes around goes around, and 'it is what it is'. Enuff! This shit is driving me insane. Being single sucks, and I just want a relationship to begin with, not someone to get engaged to. When will this shit end? What has happened to me? What have I become? Life is not worth living if all I think about is making new friends and not being able to accomplish that.
     
    moulox likes this.
  15. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    I know what you mean man. Just got out of a LTR with my first love months before applications for medical school. The relationship was so codependent and i was so stressed i honestly didnt build a support network around me so now im single and completely alone. The important thing though ive noticed since ive gone PMO free battling the waves of anger frustration and depression from mild flatlining is that im seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Im really far away from where i want to be atm but getting rid of PA is giving me the confidence to understand that nothings owed to me in life. In terms of be yourself people say that because trying to be someone youre not works sometimes and may be necessary to a degree but you find yourself being inauthentic which people can sense. Also in terms of the social anxiety relationships eith women or men, its the authenticity that determines value in real meaningful relationships. Im not saying its gonna be easy for you but as you progress im confident youll see what i mean. PA cripples us all as men to a degree, if its hurt your life nearly as bad as mine then you have two choices face everything and rise or fear everything and run. You can do it, were all in the same boat, one thing ive noticed though the recovery process and analyzing people and relationships is this. There are very few great men in this world, they are hard to find, become a great one and the people will naturally cone to you as well as everything else you want in life.
     
    moulox, SirWanksalot and SKU_15 like this.
  16. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    That's the right attitude man. Respect.
    Especially love the part of facing the stuff that you've been running from or keep running away from it, keep distracting yourself from it.
    In the short term, it's just easier to run and hide and distract and no one seems to really know how to "face the pain". Because avoiding discomfort and pain of differing degrees is what it comes down to in the end.

    Also very nuanced perspective on the "be yourself part". It's probably the best and worst advice at the same time.
    Be yourself as in "be the man you want to be" and who you CAN become. But to shed old patterns, old fears and trauma and what have you again is very difficult and painful. You usually are out of your element and then it feels awkward in the beginning. And then people start to question it again "is that really me?" and they drop doing the difficult part.

    I hope more and more men keep doing this and spread the word so that they can inspire other men.
    Lots of strength to you for your journey and a sprinkle of good luck on top of that haha
     
    SKU_15, DeepParkWater and moulox like this.
  17. moulox

    moulox Fapstronaut

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    I agree that the "be yourself" advice should be given with a big asterisk above it. Most people in this forum would agree that the PMO habit brought out a worse version of themselves when it comes down to relationships yet for most of us there wasn't enough solid social skills to work with. Reading the "be yourself" quote left me wondering how this behavior of mine would benefit me in the future since it has failed me so many times in the past. I can tell that it probably want's to suggest being true and not keep up an act but at the same time it hides the fact that many of us need to really work on our game and implement changes that will make a difference.
     
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  18. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    True, add to that some compulsive behavior like the seemingly everlasting need for acceptance that just seems to be part of yourself or "just you" and feels so natural, yet is a highly destructive behavior.
    It can become very confusing very quickly. That's also why places like this are so important and also seeking out the guidance of someone who already is where you want to be.
    Wishing you the best man
     
  19. DeepParkWater

    DeepParkWater Fapstronaut

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    I agree completely about your concept of feeling like youre trying to be someone youre not when youre trying to better yourself. I feel like the best way to go about it is like you alluded it is uncomfortable to step outside your comfort zone but its absolutely necessary for growth. If youre being someone different in order to better yourself then in a certain light that is still being true to yourself in my eyes.
     
    SirWanksalot likes this.
  20. SirWanksalot

    SirWanksalot Fapstronaut

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    Haha yeah exactly. And sometimes I honestly ask myself what is the real me after all? The me that wants to stay in my warm bed or the me that gets a jolt of excitement when thinking about climbing Mount Everest?
    Probably both to a part. And in the long run, meaning to have a fulfilling life, I will have to climb a few mountains in the time I've got. On other days... I'll just stay in bed and watch cartoons. Train hard but also rest hard.
     

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