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Is it relapse?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019.

  1. Jul 30, 2019 #1
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    D22 NoPMO.
    I have a long list of problems. Everything started with PIED. I realised the damage done to me by myself So decided to reboot.
    First few days, I was into flatline. Freaked me out. I would try and play with my tool just to get hard, bcoz look of my rock hard stuff gives me satisfaction. Also it feels good. I know this is unnatural. Artificial stimulation. But still I ended up fidgeting with my tool. I resisted. Really resisted. Started working out. It did helped me. But time and again, almost every alternate day I used to play with it, mostly when I was talking to my girl on phone. One good thing is I never ventured into porn.
    I fantasised a lot. In early days, it was all kinky stuff. As days progressed it was slowly moved to having straight sex. What I got to know was, my fantasising and need for porn were intimately related. Before reboot, I would fantasise, then watch porn, get hard and then masturbate.
    I understood that fantasising is as much as a problem as porn. I resisted fantasies. And you know what, fantasy is even harder than porn to quit. I succumb to fantasizing almost 10 times a day. Good news is I resist. First I used to dwell in those. Now, I choose the REAL world. But at times, I fantasise, go hard and play with it. I don't edge. I try and stop playing with it. Its hard though not to play with our hard member! But, still I try...
    You must have realised the problem with me. My question to you wonderful people out there, my support system, is 'Does all this constitute relapse?'
    Also, I know that if I go on this way, reboot will not be successful. But, I am proud to say, I haven't PMO in last 21 days!
    I know, this is not what is excepted, but I think all this change will require time. Bcoz it's a lifestyle change. I will have to leave my comfort zone. I will have to fight my hypofrontality! I just hope that I remain strong!✊
    Help me out... Sometimes, its good to ask for help. What I have realised in these few days is, not to be ashamed to ask for help, not to be ashamed to accept our weaknesses.
    Yesterday, I was turned on after talking to my girl. I fantasised and jerked my hard member. I stopped that. Again after 3 hours of this thing, I was jerking it again. It all felt soo good. I again stopped. This happened to me multiple times even today morning. Shit!! I am really trying not to do all this and at the same time, I am just succumbing time and again to my desires. I know, I didn't orgasm. I didn't do porn. I was fantasising of my girl. But that was artificial stimulation.. I think I am failing at this... Hence this post. Tell me does this constitute relapse???
     
    Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019
    #1
  2. Jul 30, 2019 #2
    Rehab_warrior

    Rehab_warrior Fapstronaut

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    Hey Panshyagampya,

    I'm no expert of nofap, but I have a point of view I'd like to share.

    I think fantasising of your woman is a sign a rebooting. Your brain doesn't need artifical stimulies like porn no more to arouse you. Even if fantisising prior to PMO used to arouse you in the past.

    In my mind, this is not the same here.

    It's like a foreplay, you slowy get aroused. But right now it's only in your mind because you girl isn't here.

    For me, this stage is OK.

    But masturbating, even if no O, is not OK. It's like edging. You are flooding your reward center with dopamine because you are doing a pleasurable activity, when your reward center should be on pause to reajust it's default parameters.

    Psychologically, you didn't relapse, you stayed strong and you decided to restrain yourself. That's a HUGE accomplishment ! Props to you !

    But neurologically... It is a reset. Not a relapse, because you are able to control your urges, but a reset because now you have to start back from beginning, or else your rebooting will take multiples months if you keep masturbating (even with no O).

    I hope this post has helped you ;)

    Stay brave bro
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2019
    Rehab_warrior, Jul 30, 2019
    Rehab_warrior, Jul 30, 2019
    #2
    Harry91, Dovester90 and Panshyagampya like this.
  3. Jul 30, 2019 #3
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a ton!!!!
    It really helped me have some clarity!! Thanks man!! So yes, again I am at start! I have the will...I will do what needs to be done
     
    Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019
    #3
    Rehab_warrior likes this.
  4. Jul 30, 2019 #4
    Rehab_warrior

    Rehab_warrior Fapstronaut

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    Really happy to be part of this community where we can help each other without judgment :)

    Stay brave bro
     
    Rehab_warrior, Jul 30, 2019
    Rehab_warrior, Jul 30, 2019
    #4
    Panshyagampya likes this.
  5. Jul 30, 2019 #5
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    Also, I didn't edge. I was far far away from even getting one. But I do understand your point. And again I am really thankful dude! I will remain strong✊
     
    Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Jul 30, 2019
    #5
    Rehab_warrior likes this.
  6. Jul 30, 2019 #6
    Rehab_warrior

    Rehab_warrior Fapstronaut

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    As I said, I'm no expert ;)

    Glad it helped anyway :)

    Stay brave bro
     
    Rehab_warrior, Jul 30, 2019
    Rehab_warrior, Jul 30, 2019
    #6
    Panshyagampya likes this.
  7. Jul 30, 2019 #7
    Harry91

    Harry91 Fapstronaut

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    Nice work being so honest with yourself and understanding the pitfalls in what you are doing. I agree with rehab warrior and think you are making progress. If you do count it as a reset which I think you should be very careful over the next couple of days. The mind has a funny way of thinking and psychology you are at '0' so whats the point, i can have a release and then still here.

    This is when you have to really ask yourself what you are trying to achieve. If it is the counter/days or whether you are looking for progress, this is one of the problems with a counter. Best of luck and look to see you are flying again in a couple of days. Stop playing with your tool during this process!
     
    Harry91, Jul 30, 2019
    Harry91, Jul 30, 2019
    #7
    Panshyagampya likes this.
  8. Aug 1, 2019 #8
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    Shit! I relapsed... Just now...
    Feeling numb...
    I need to restart my reboot..
     
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    #8
  9. Aug 1, 2019 #9
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    But no porn!!
     
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    #9
  10. Aug 1, 2019 #10
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    I masturbated just by sensations. No porn was required.
     
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    #10
  11. Aug 1, 2019 #11
    Panshyagampya

    Panshyagampya Fapstronaut

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    I am starting again.
     
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    Panshyagampya, Aug 1, 2019
    #11

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