Here goes attempt 32891238

Hi All,

A brief intro to anyone wanting to follow the log or jump on board with the challenge.

I use to post and read other peoples blogs on this site fairly regularly and had some personal success, reaching streaks of 30, 40 and I think once 50 days of no pmo. I think at once point I thought of myself of someone who could even give solid advice (not any more!). Previously I can remember it was more than the day counter of success, whenever I would fall it would be a brief and i'd get straight back into it. Over time this is almost non existent and I am back to my old habits of frequently PMO. It is quite sad to see how the good progress made previously has slowly reverted back. The 'super powers' some people talk of I would say are true to an extent but personally I felt a lot better, more in control and at ease with yourself.

I will try to log daily entry in the evenings, especially at the start and the initial aim is for 10 days before re-evaluating and kicking on from there.

I am looking forward to starting this again and my hope is an open commitment and rejoining the community will make my pledge stronger. My good intentions recently have not been good enough.

It is a Sunday evening and tomorrow 29th July will be day 1.

One thing I am still trying to figure out and I hope over the coming weeks I will be able to address this, is how I fell back into old habits even though I am consciously aware of the pitfalls of PMO and not enjoying it. Of course there is a momentary lapse of gratification and pleasure but the feeling of abstaining and having a streak is a much better feeling.

Will be great to have some company whatever day you are on, 1 or 100 and to hear any personal thoughts. Perhaps you have been through the same cycle or have some tips.

Additional targets this week are to exercise pretty rigorously and to reduce the amount of screen time.

Thanks
Harry

 

Day 1 complete. Lots of exercise and kept myself busy. I have been through this enough times to know this is not where the tests are. The urges catch you when you're tired, hungover, high or bored. Bad habits breed bad habits and if you are not doing commitments whether that be gym, work or anything else you agree with yourself and don't do this is when you are most vulnerable.

I have deactivated social media as it is a trigger alert and also it can be counter productive and time wasting to anything else.

Been through this cycle enough times to not fall and the first few days are generally pretty easy. The next few days will be the building blocks and putting myself back on the right track.

Day 2 tomorrow.

 

Day 2. Kept busy, no real urges but not surprising as it is only day 2. Going to bed shortly - this is probably the easiest time to fall. Maybe it is because as a teen and into later years it was almost a nightly ritual to boot something up.

One of the removals I did before and have stuck to is no tech in the room. It is a little change but it is a positive move. It removes the ease and unconsciousness to look at something or just surf where you stumble innocently or not into triggers and sub p.

To give you an idea I had a couple years of taking this really seriously and doing quite well with it but the last year/ 6 months it is not back 100% to when I was not aware or battling the addiction but probably about 50/60%. One thing I find funny and probably it is somehow justifying it to myself, or a new way to get my kicks but I never would directly load up something or jump straight onto the webpage. I would kid myself I was just rooting around, find stuff and it would never the less end up there. I have removed a lot of these 'easy moves' what I call a road to no good. But need to be vigilant against the mind doing this, the little bastard plays tricks on you.

Tomorrow should be another day of plain sailing being that it is only day 3 but i'll check in and do a write up. A couple ideas of the write up tomorrow, it will centre around some good streaks and how I felt during them and what I believe it did for me and my mentality. Positive reinforcement of the new streak and reminder of why I persist in taking on this addiction and one day over coming it.

 

Bombadil your message made me laugh. As much as you rate my recovery of orgasm I rate the 110 marker you are at. That is some going. 50ish was the highest I ever took it.

Onto the days entry. Another day passed through fine, no observations in mood, energy, or anything like that, I think it can actually be quite harmful to associate nofap as the single variable that creates this super version of yourself as it then becomes a single source of hope and more often or not unfortunately failure. By abstaining you are not taking the path of least resistance and you are moulding your personal commitments with yourself that in turn push you onto achieve things that then materialises into this well being, added confidence, more relaxed because unconsciously you are not throwing your junk into a tissue, falling into a conscious coma and wasting more time before falling as sleep.

This leads onto what I said I would discuss briefly today in the sense of why do we put ourselves through this? Why do we fall over and over again to continue to persist to try with something that is normalised in society and you can justify it to yourself, hey maybe even to your girlfriend. The truth is, and you know it because you are here, is that story you tell yourself is BULLSHIT. The quiet voice inside your head that if you listen to knows it isn't right, not for your wellbeing and certainly not your best version of yourself.

The best version of yourself, now this is important and something we all 'wish' for but to do it constantly all the fucking time is tireless and almost impossible. This is another trigger and can be difficult. Something I have to probably address properly. Maybe another post.

This is why I do it anyway, I have a vision of the kind of person I want to be and wasting time to PMO (i mean just P and M but write O), it is pure poison that will over time destroy this version of yourself. Something I have built in with other areas of life is, if you want a habit or something to stick into your older years you need to ingrain this now. And that is the number 1 reason to why I want to quit, is i don't want to be some sad old man wasting my time and getting my kicks to something that isn't real. Locking yourself away from world, developing bad habits and I can tell you for one thing, if you are doing that, you are unlikely to be doing the positive habits that make you feel good. It is all a viscous loop that you need to get out off.

Sorry I have rambled to anyone still reading this, but for now I am trying to put pen to paper with some kind of structure that will help me appreciate the journey and log the different thoughts I have.

Tomorrow will be day 4, baby steps, should be a problem.

As the weekend is coming up, tomorrows entry I am going to try and write about how drinking impacts this mindset and how hangovers and other pitfalls can throw you off the track. Hopefully this will reinforce my thoughts at the weekend when no doubt I'll be knocking back a few cold cruisers.

 

I agree somewhat, by being on here and supporting others, taking advice and reading peoples individual stories is infectious. At the same time you are on your own a large proportion of the day and it is you making the choice for the last 110 days. Keep it up, I hope to see your counter at 120 when I am at 10. And then 150 when I am at 40. Good luck and share wisdom along the way.

 

Bigboibez I am initially going for 10 and i'll kick on from there, but not as a milestone marker i've done it but to set small achievable targets before re-assessing. Over my blog entries I am trying to keep a structured diary on the journey and to reinforce the reasons i'm doing it, the reasons I have failed before and to track progress.

In my previous post I spoke about how dangerous it can be to think the counter is everything and a single source of hope or failure.

I was going to write about triggers, mainly being hungover or tired but that can wait for another day when I have more energy. I am tired and will keep it short today.

Day complete, I was more intune with 'urges' today and could sense them rising but nothing that can't be handled. A lot of people always say to rid a habit you have to make a habit, so this week it has been yoga and stretching which I have enjoyed and will continue. I think it is a good hobby to do alongside NoFap that you have thinking time, it is wholesome and the last thing you want to do after a yoga session is ruin the good mindfulness with that shit.

I won't post tomorrow as I am out but I will try and log in for an entry over the weekend. Pretty busy and activities most of the weekend, shouldn't be an issue. Now I am on a run, albeit a tiny one, with the added focus and commitment of coming onto here every day I am feeling much better and good about this attempt.

Signing off from day 4 and tomorrow day 5.

 

Day 7. Close to 1 week. A good start.

Today and last night have been the most testing times so far. If I didn't have this thread or make a solid commitment to myself this time around I would have almost certainly failed at this point. I am hungover, house to myself and browsing instagram which no doubt has triggers. On and off remove instagram as it can start the rabbit hole.

I am gonna go for a walk, tidy the house and eat some clean food before running later. I'll post another entry later tonight to sign off the week 1. The urges are strong to want to see something or let my imagination run wild, it is the toughest day yet.

I have previously said it is never straight to P but it'll be p subs, 'innoncent' pictures and slowly get worse that catch me out. So the trick is here for me to be conscious and not allow that to happen.

 

Appreciate the messages.

day 7 coming to a close and by far the most difficult day so far. All the pitfalls at once. All day sunday watching sport, roaming internet, in the house alone, hungover, tired from lack of sleep over the last couple of day. I stumbled across some defo subs and as Bombadil says, if I was completely honest with myself as to whether these were innocent, it probably wasn't. I was swiftly off them and snapped back into it but rather than paint over the cracks, I know this is my weakness and over the last couple of years is the main source of failure. This should be something I focus on strongly.

Restful sleep waking up on day 8 should hopefully revive myself and my attempt at this. Whilst today was a little concerning I am content still with starting on this road again and finishing of a week of no PMO and moving into another week.

Couple of nights ago there were some sexual dreams, can't remember it now but it was only 5 days in and having dreams. I guess thats how far I had relapsed whereby dreams happen so quickly and even finishing a week now is way more challenging that before.

Few points there i would appreciate anyone's tips, advice or personal experience with...

-Dreams (how and why these occur?)
- pitfalls/ weaknesses (reoccurring ones) and any strategies you have put in place that work?

Thanks again!