I saw her, I approached her and I said hi.

Isn't it weird to approach random women and ask for their phone number?

I mean I'm open to it but can you (or somebody else) convince me this is the right thing to do?
I saw these PUA videos where they approach women in the daytime on the street but even just
watching this gives me the creeps. Those guys are weird as fuck! It doesn't look normal to me.

 

This is super important I think. A lot of guys here have no trouble getting dates with or without porn. Others (myself included) want to get out of a cycle where we may lose motivation to even say hi to women. Congrats and good luck for the 90!

@charly88 This is the most natural way to meet women really. If you think about it, we only have a certain number of attractive women who we can meet through mutual friends or work... Why limit ourselves like that?

I have done this a few times, got a number twice, and once the girl had a BF but was very flattered I went out of my way to approach.

Like anything, this can be done in a way that makes it unnatural though. I mean, you can give a speech that's delivered with nerves and comes across as awkward - or with practice and confidence you can deliver a solid speech that gets the audience attention. Same thing with cold approaching. It's not weird by default, depends on how it's done.

I just finished reading a 350 page book on attracting women through honesty - "models". If you're interested in branching away from online dating and the limited options at friends parties etc... this is a good place to start getting info.

 

You are probably right and I read that book and a lot of other stuff on dating and pickup,
but nothing has convinced me yet this is the natural way to meet women.

How can it be natural when it is so hard to do?

I put a lot of thought into why I can't just talk to girls, ask for their numbers and say that I find them attractive.
It is not just fear of getting rejected. It is a weird fear that I have to alter my complete personality and put on a charade
to do it. I just can't integrate it into my personality. I hope you get what I mean.

Maybe if I wasn't introverted it would come more natural, but trying to be more extroverted isn't
a solution either, I know that because I tried.

 

Introvert or Extrovert -> Ambivert

Went to a Myers-Briggs class. It's more that just introvert/extrovert.
There was a lady in class who turned out to be an ambivert.
And because of that, she was able to connect with more people than the extroverts.
Turns out she was a counselor.

In conclusion, to live your live more fully, is balance the two extremes, and adapt.
And, that's what you just did there. Congrats!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers–Briggs_Type_Indicator

 

I think I do understand where you're coming from, your situation sounds a lot like mine really.

I'm finding the cold approach a struggle, but I feel it's a worthy long-term struggle that will pay off with persistence.

Why does it seem so hard to do? My guess is by simply letting our thoughts get the better of us.

I haven't approached many girls. But every time I did it, I thought it was a big deal, until I started taking - and even if she wasn't interested and I basically got rejected - it wasn't anywhere near as bad as my brain made me think it was.

Perhaps through lack of exposure, we have an irrational fear of approaching women. That fear may never go away, but we can at least learn to act despite it. You may not act in a loud extrovert manner, but an introvert can still calmly assert themselves socially *cough* Keanu Reeves *cough*.

As for putting on a charade, I just try to be myself (and keep working on myself), and some girls like me, some don't. Going back to that book, I guess it's having less investment in others and letting the chips fall where they may when it comes to attraction.

Out of curiosity, what did you think of that book compared to other content you've read?

 

You will feel a lot of anxiety / stress / resistance / fear if your ego is on the chopping block. Meaning that you base your self worth on the outcome of seeking validation / acceptance from others. When you need a specific outcome to happen you irrationally try to seek guarantees in a reality that has no guarantees via being overly concerned / excessively careful / over thinking in an attempt to maintain control with something that is uncertain, uncomfortable, and something that might not work. Your ideal vision is that you don't get rejected and things go your way, but reality says that it might not work and not everyone will be interested in you. That contrast between the ideal vision and reality is where the resistance (butterflies in the stomach) comes from.

So how do you stop putting your ego on the chopping block? You have self fueled goals. So instead of a goal like "she has to accept / validate / have sex / go on a date with me", you have a self fueled goal like "to bring as much positive energy, enthusiasm, curiosity, wonder, and exploration to the situation as possible and be proud of myself for going after my desires despite not having any guarantees and despite being outside my comfort zone". You reinforce the process and risks which leads to success rather than being devastated in the face of rejection / failure / mistake. It becomes an excitement (positive expectation) rather than a fear (negative expectation).

The more risks you take, the more you'll fail, but also the more you'll succeed.

The less risks you take, the less you'll fail, but also the less you'll succeed.

There's no guarantees. You have to do something that might not work if you want higher quality life experiences. Pain, problems, and negative experiences are all part of the process to get to the higher quality pleasures, solutions, and positive experiences. Positive outcomes are inevitable consequences of the better person you've become if you're willing to stop placing so much importance on each outcome and instead place more importance on doing things that make you proud and empowered no matter what happens externally.

Physical attributes are also not the best indicator of a great relationship. So go into it with a curiosity of "Let's see what else she has going on. Let's see if she's just superficially beautiful or she has substance to her". So there's another area where you need to shift where you place importance on.

 

I believe that the whole introvert / extrovert thing is just an easy way to label yourself and self sabotage so that you can stick with a comfortable identity and you don't have to change into the person that you want to become. "I'm an introvert, so I could never do that... I want to, but I can't because I'm scientifically proven to be an introvert... I want to talk to that person and be more expressive, but I'm an introvert."

I was an introvert for about the first 20 years of my life. It was the environments I was in. The types of people that I surrounded myself with. Different types of past experiences and traumas. It all made me very quiet and clinged to solitude. It made me lose energy around people because I wasn't able to handle my thoughts and feelings properly.

These days I'm very social. I love being around people and meeting others. I love going out to try new things. I love being expressive. I changed my environments / relationships / role models / beliefs / experiences. I worked hard into becoming the person that I wanted to become.

So if you want to be an introvert... you'll stay an introvert. If you want to become an extrovert, you can if you work at it. Accept responsibility for your identity. Your identity is just a set of habits / patterns / beliefs. Interrupt it enough with new thoughts, feelings, and behavior and you can change that identity.

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Just don't use it as an excuse when you can't go for what you want in life. Don't slap some label on yourself that relieves you from the responsibility of changing your life for the better.

 

Good for you bro. Better than all the guys who are like " I've had a crush on a girl since 1997 should I ask her out, I'm not sure "

 

Good job man. You may not be convinced of it right now after only two days, but you should also notice more female attention the longer you go in this process too and they may even come up to talk to you as well.

 

That's it I'm making an "elevate's quote collage". JK, but this post and your prior one were splendid. The whole intro/extrovert approach and popularization is another way of quitting the power from the people of taking control over their lives, labels in the psychologic industry are very dangerous.

 

Myer's Briggs is a box.

Don't let it confine who you are.