The Fog Will Lift

Hi, I am writing this because I am looking forward to getting rid of the fog in my brain. I have had an awesome streak before and want to continue to strive to not look at porn. I'm actually trying to abstain from PMO all together! I was edging pretty hard earlier and I'm going to restart my counter just so I have an accurate date to track my reboot results. I am setting a goal to check back here every two days in order to stay on track.

 

Hi, I meant to post every two days but my life had other plans, I recently moved and didn't have wifi. I didn't want to mess with the mobile site so I just lost track. It looks like I made it to day 24 or 25! I'm stilled bummed that I relapsed, but at least this way I can start over and track myself again. I'll try to be back in two days.

 

That makes a lot of sense, I felt like I was going crazy when I first started into a long streak. It's hard to stay on track but I'm still workin at it.

 

Thanks bro!

 

Thanks man! You too

 

Day 1 I think I'm hella foggy but it's hard to tell when you're in it. I did however feel at peace yesterday for a bit, mostly realizing that I have enough stuff to be happy with and that I don't need anymore stuff. Remembering that we keep chasing after things that won't make us happy (car, job, house).

 

Lit we got this bro!

 

Update on how I'm doing:
A day or two ago I experienced what I would call going blind for about an hour or so. I was at work when my peripheral vision started to look wavy. I wrote this off and thought it was all in my head. Then my vision got wavy in the front of my vision, my depth perception started to go and I felt essentially blind for about an hour. I could still see partially (it wasn't all black), but there were definite spots in my vision that were just not clear at all. This isn't the first time something like this has happened to me. I used to get kind of the same lightning bolts in my vision when I didn't get enough food or sleep and then worked a long shift. However when my latest incident happened, I had plenty of food and sleep. I was drinking what I thought was a normal amount of water, but it seemed like drinking more unfiltered water helped me regain my vision. I'm wondering if this may have been a side affect to rebooting or just another freak incident of low water, sodium, iron, etc. ?
My mom kicked me out again for being disrespectful and I haven't had the most positive disposition lately. I feel like I have been more of a dick in a passive aggressive way lately which I don't understand why. I also found myself nervously smiling more than I normally would. I think that my confidence is slowly building back up, but I also think that I'm still in the awkward phase of rebooting.
I start school again on Monday so I think that it's good that I am rebooting and hope to get the awkwardness out sooner rather than later. Overall I am excited about school and am being a little awkward trying to get through the beginning phase of rebooting! Edit: (Oh yeah it's day 11 and it's been kind of hard getting back here every two days, but I'll keep trying)

 

Day 14: My first day in my second year of college was today! All in all I think it went by pretty well. My teachers and classmates seem nice and my classes seem interesting enough. I noticed that my confidence was still not all there however. I'm not sure if this is any effect of PMO, rebooting from PMO, or if I just need to build it up on my own. I don't think that I was too awkward, because people said "bye" and "see you later" to me. I don't think they would do that if I was acting weird or something. I did however have another lightning bolt episode while I was driving and while I stopped to eat a late lunch/dinner. My vision started getting wavy and going out, almost as if I was going to pass out but more like when you get blinded by the sun and then there's spots in your vision. I was decently hungry and stopped to eat and see if that might help. I don't think it had any immediate effect on my vision. That whole deal was obviously unsettling and don't worry I didn't drive long before I stopped to eat and try to feel better. I am going to go to the doctor soon to get that checked out because two times in two weeks probably means something is wrong. I guess I should also mention that I've had a sinus infection for about a week now and I think that led me to feeling like throwing up and a really bad headache. I don't know if any of my symptoms have anything to do with rebooting, if they're related to each other, or if I just have a bad sinus infection. I am just trying to keep a complete log to track my reboot and how it is affecting my body. I did have a couple girls seem to like me today, so I think my reboot is getting me back on track. I will try to check back here in a couple days.

 

Day 16: I noticed that they're are a lot of cute girls in my new classes an I love it. I am starting to feel my confidence increase a little and I am trying to control my driving habits.
I get pretty into it when I drive and will end up going 95-100 sometimes. Idiotic I know. It isn't safe for me, the people around me, or my car. I am trying my very best to drive normal and calm. My dad was explaining it to me in terms that I can understand. I bought my car and pay for most of my bills (food when eating out, gas, books, shoes, etc.). My dad pays for my car insurance however. I really appreciate this because I am going to college and feel the strain on my wallet. Anyways, he explained that if I keep driving crazy then I'll get a ticket--my insurance will go up--he won't be able to afford it--then I won't be able to drive. If I can't drive then my whole life stops/ slows down completely/ changes drastically. If I can't drive then I won't be able to get to my college, job, mom's house, and my brother will suffer as well, because we help each other out.
In conclusion I am pulling my head out of my butt when it comes to my driving. The past few days I have really realized I have a problem with that. I am not sure if my reboot has made me go crazy with testosterone or if it's opening my eyes to my horrible driving. Either way I am changing my driving habits for the better and it may have a relationship to my reboot.

 

Thanks man, I'm glad that I'm not the only one! Sorry that that happened to you too though, that kinda sucks.

 

Day 20: I think today my dopamine must have risen because I was extremely happy this morning. On my way to work, my AC seemed cooler, the sky seemed clearer, colors were brighter, and the air was clean. I was just happy.
I can't remember the last time that I felt so genuinely happy without anything crazy special happening. I was even pretty happy at work. After work, I got to see my friends that I haven't seen for a while and I really enjoyed that too. I ended my day with my uncle's birthday party and it was fun to see my family as well. I was kind of bothered because my grandma kept bugging me about how she wanted to do the dishes, even though she's old and cooked all day. I also had to do some math homework later tonight.
Besides those two instances though, I had a rally great day and felt kind of high on life (sounds cringey I know). I definitely think that my reboot contributed to me feeling so good out of nowhere, along with a really good day and honestly God blessing me.

 

Day 21 kind of freaking out right now, not going to lie. I'm tired, edging, and feel really stressed. I came home and was bored all afternoon and really irritable. I was edging in the way that I was messaging this girl that I found online and kept looking at her instagram pics also looking at the pics on one of my old friends who for some reason had a pic of her butt on her instagram. I am wondering if this counts as relapse and if it does, maybe that's why I've been so irritable?