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90 days today - my declaration of independence

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by fapachino, Apr 9, 2015.

  1. Well that's me 90 days today. Didn't think it was ever possible a few months back but here I am. My life is so much better and I'm currently on holiday and having the best holiday I've had for a decade or more. Here's my thoughts on what can be helpful and what I've found along the way. I call it my declaration of independence because I feel like I've been freed and if I can do it then you can do it too. It's got a fair few f bombs in it and I don't normally swear that much but they just came out as I wrote it and was getting passionate. Stay strong men!


    1. Stop fucking whining you can't do it and fucking get on with it. What I mean is you just have to push through the first days or weeks. No one is going to come and wipe your snotty little nose for you or take all the withdrawals away, you wanked yourself into oblivion yourself when you probably knew at some level it wasn't the best thing to do, now you've got to man the fuck up and just bloody do it. No one else is going to do it for you and you've got no one else to blame or no reasonable excuse if you give in, it's hard, deal with it, we've all been through that to get to the other side and trust me it's better on this side!

    2. Get yourself an accountability partner who will support and accept you as a person but will kick your ass if you screw up. Be honest with them and support them and kick their ass when they need it too. If they screw up give them lots of encouragement and support but also tell them they've fucked up, that they can do better and you expect more. It's tough love but real love is tough when it needs to be. If you can't live with this then don't look for an accountability partner as you're probably just looking for someone to tell you not to worry when you screw up and that'll get you nowhere.

    3. It can be a total nightmare at the start. I had withdrawals that felt like I was coming off crack! Know this my wanking friend, withdrawals pass. It doesn't feel like it at the time, they feel that they'll last forever but they don't. I dealt with it, lots of other people have. You got into this so get your head down and get through the first week or two, the worst of them will be over. If you fap you'll just reset the clock and have to go through them all again so don't be a fucking twat and do that after a week or something!

    4. You still get urges even after 80+ days. You're not going to become asexual with this, you still have a dick and it will still be turned on. Don't worry about urges. You'll not die if you don't fap. They pass and once you've let a few pass and not died you'll realise that. They are not your master, tell them to fuck right off when required.

    5. Remember why you're doing this. You probably had a really shit life or were depressed or anxious or had started growing hair on the palms of your hands or some other shit like that and after you'd tried a load of other things you eventually realised that that great lover in your life, your right (or for 10% of you your left) hand, was actually fucking up your life. When you start to feel better don't run back to it or think you'll be able to handle it now. You're a fucking addict! Like an alcoholic, you can't play with things and not get fucked! Basically remember how shit your life was and when you feel like doing it ask yourself if you want to go back to that? If the answer is no then man the fuck up and do something else for 15 minutes till the urge passes.

    6. When you get an urge to fap look at why that is. Is it habit or are you using fapping to numb you cause of something in your life? This is a big trigger for most of us. Look at what the trigger is, why you feel you need to feel better by fapping and then deal with whatever the issue is without masking it with a pathetic fap.

    7. Realise that sex isn't the be all and end all of life. I know society and the media try to say otherwise and your brain is now wired to think that way too cause you've been fapping for so long but the reality is if you never had sex again and didn't ever fap you could still live a very happy life. I really didn't think this was the case 90 days ago but that's cause I'd spent a couple of decades programming my brain to think otherwise. I now feel much happier and more balanced and I've not flapped in 90 days and I've not had a lot of sex in that time too. So get your brain back into order and don't believe the hype that life without sex is rubbish or meaningless. I now realise that if I never had sex again I could be happy in my life.

    8. Be a man! Think about the guy you want to be, think about guys you respect then start to live like that guy. Would he fap in the dark on his phone or tablet? Fuck off! Course he wouldn't! Well stand up tall, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself what sort of man you want to be the start living it and keep living it.
     
  2. seventyniner

    seventyniner Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations, fapachino! You might need a new username :)
     
    fapachino likes this.
  3. Haha, true, ex-fapachino? To be fair I feel I always have the potential to go back so keeping the name will keep that in my mind.
     
  4. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

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    Massive congrats @fapachino! Very motivating for myself - I wanna be where you are and I am excited to be! So cool!
     
    fapachino likes this.
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    Ok I feel motivated now. I knew everything you said yet i relapsed hard lately. Still it helped a little that someone has similar point of view to mine and reinforces it.
     
    fapachino likes this.
  6. You can bloody do it! If I can then anyone can but you need to be single minded and don't let your brain suck you back in! You need to kick it's arse big style for the first few weeks and still fairly regularly after that. Get determined!
     
  7. TRG

    TRG Fapstronaut

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    Respect my dear friend. I
    Feel happy that u achieved it.
     
    fapachino likes this.
  8. Cooldude4

    Cooldude4 Fapstronaut

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    Yes, you can do it!!!! Congrats and keep it up!!!
     
    fapachino likes this.
  9. jbastoniv

    jbastoniv Fapstronaut

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    Congrats! I know what you mean about sex not being EVERYTHING! My whole life it was, always top of mind. But after NoFap, it's a thing, it comes to mind, but it is not the main thing I think about now, top ten, yes, top 3, NO! This changes everything, for the better. You have something to be truly proud of accomplishing, again, CONGRATS!
     
    backonthewagon and fapachino like this.

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