Don’t know what to do

If you hate to lie you have to live the truth.

 

Hard stuff going there?
Shame is just ego (painfully) going away. Let it go you are perfect as you are
Do you think she has lied to you in the past?
Do you think you will ever feel satisfactory for her?
I have tried to be a good boy to receive some approval but it was never enough to fill the void inside.
The only recognition I need is from myself.

Stay strong we do this together

 

That's the interesting part.
What is your problem?
The image of yourself as being a man who watches women having sex?
If so why?
I believe (and can be wrong) that
There is nothing to be ashamed of per se. P. Is not the problem it's how it makes us escalate to more hardcore stuff that ends to have often very detrimental consequences

Fantasy are helpfull. They are a way to put in a game some difficult emotions to bring them to consciousness. This kink speaks about your feelings inside and there is nothing ugly. Just a heart that speaks.

Do you have other difficulties because of p consumption?

 

Thanks for your sharing
That's alright. We can start here.
These diagnosis don't speak of who you are. There like the storm over a landscape. The clouds passes but the hills stay.
If you look at the big journey you never make the first step but if we break it into pieces we can do it
What do you want to change first. What little achievable step would you like to take.
P. Is the symptom it's the emergency valve. Probably too early.
Is shame a big problem for you? Have you read or found some ressources to learn to deal with it?

Stay strong we do this together

 

The best thing would be to drop the PMO entirely and embrace a new beginning .

 

Get yourself a good AP who can help you with this addiction on daily basis. Report to them daily it will help you with abstaining.