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Im 23 y.o and I've never had a girlfriend in my life.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by msdd96, Aug 12, 2019.

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  1. msdd96

    msdd96 New Fapstronaut

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    Sad, right? Im so tired of this loneliness. Every time I get depressed about my loneliness, about how sad my life is to never date a women at all, i just do a PMO. Im just tired man. Tired about how many times I wasted. Hope this NoFap communities can help me to be a better person. Sorry for my bad english.
     
    Kman20, WesternWolf, ShowY and 4 others like this.
  2. Emileo Delcarme

    Emileo Delcarme Fapstronaut

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    Don't stress about it bro.
    I'm 27 and I still haven't been in a relationship.
    I can remember in my early 20s(20-24) how depressed I was and heavily pmo'ing. I spent most of my time wasting away a very big part of my life. All my friends were in relationships and I was the only one single. I can remember how many times I've been a third wheel( fucking depressing if I think about it now). How I would be the one to initiate convos with groups of chicks just so that my friends end up with them. How I use to be friend zoned cause I was just too nice of a fucking guy. I use to blame and beat myself up for not pursuing girls more.

    Well now I'm at that point where I acknowledge the time I've wasted on pmo and comparing my life with others. I also acknowledge that how can I be with another human being and connect with her on a higher understanding and create a bond when I haven't truelly discovered who I am or basically be comfortable with myself. I still have some issues inside of me that I need to work on.

    What I've also learned in the past couple of years is that it's ok to be single. It's ok to do things and try things on my own. I need to be with myself and know myself before I can allow someone else to know me. I don't want to be in a relationship of pretending. I've accepted the fact that maybe I was meant to be single so that I don't hurt myself or the other person because I "want" to be in a relationship and because everyone else is in on. I guess I'm just trying to build this inner content within myself. Working on improving myself...and maybe I meet someone special on the way of self enlightenment.

    What I'm trying to say is...work on building your own happiness and improving yourself. Do things on your own. Get to know yourself. Don't just "want" or "need" to be in a relationship cause everyone else is or cause it's some kind of race. Life is not a race. Life can't be won. Everyone has a chance to play. Then they die. Work on improving yourself while you play.

    Nofap is helping me on my journey of self discovery. Im not going to stress over being in a relationship no more. I'm planning on improving myself and meeting amazing people on the way.

    I hope you all the best on your journey too. Whatever you decide bro.
     
    ares72, ShowY and TheMaster201 like this.
  3. msdd96

    msdd96 New Fapstronaut

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    Wow bro. Thank you very much for your input and advice. Still amazed by what you've told me earlier, what you've going through. Thank you for understanding what I've been going through too. Hope you all the best too!
     
    Emileo Delcarme likes this.
  4. HegHeu

    HegHeu Fapstronaut

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    Hahahhahahahahahaahahahah I am 20 and I think I will become like you two guys...
     
    motive_360 likes this.
  5. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    oh you bet buddy, if you simply not do anything to change it it is guaranteed. Sad life sad pepe no prospects towards women, the unlived life.
     
  6. TheGambler

    TheGambler Fapstronaut

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    You guys remind me of me. Loneliness is a killer, and its difficult not to think having a romance wouldn't cure that. And it would, at least for a while. I lost my virginity to a prostitute at 23, and can't say I necessarily regret it bc I was so inept in all relationships including friends and family.

    Since then I've been through the ringer with dating, sex, and relationships. What I can say now at 36, is that it is ABSOLUTELY better to be alone than be lonely with a girlfriend. I can't describe in words what that's like, but certain music comes closest in my experience.

    "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, what is called resignation is confirmed desperation." We are born alone, and die alone. Even if there are crowds of people at both times. Men go insane in crowds, and gain back sanity one individual at a time. Admittedly we are social creatures, yet the most extreme form of problems are without a doubt people problems.
     
  7. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    But it takes quite a lot of strength to realise "hey, I'm actually happy by myself", doesn't it? All those "oh you must travel here and there" and "you must do everything on your bucket list" that culture/society impose on us are such shallow thinking when everything you need is... your self.

    I'm 37 with quite a few failed relationships, including one marriage. And if you think that break-ups are fun, you're in for a huge reality check: you're probably losing 1-2 years of your emotional stability once a 3-5 year relationship comes to an abrupt, foreseen but unexpected, painful end.
     
  8. Stug

    Stug Fapstronaut

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    Go watch david deangelo inner game series (and other products) and at least 3 months of no pmo
     
  9. IMHO we as men are capable of fabulous things, but we gotta focus on one thing, we gotta have an aim, a goal and put in effort.
    You think your problem is being 23 without a relationship and you're alone and sad. Well you're not alone, we all here are on the same boat, with different issues. We have wasted time and drive pleasuring ourselves and lurking in our dark spaces looking for more and more filthy brain-drug.
    Now we're left behind, leftovers, but guess what? We have found our path, we have found the problem and with that the solution, the aim. We're hunters, we're born to chase our prey, our goal. What we have done is being satisfied with a bunch of pixels instead of running after what we want. So that's what we will do: we shall find our goal and chase our prey, willing to run faster and be stronger.
    The quest is hard, it is both physical and spiritual.
    I'm talking of my own experience, it's better late than never, so yes we've been discarded, maybe we were the little kid that always got chosen last for the games, but this changes now.
    You can decide to embrace the journey and become better a version of yourself or to be alone.
    Read the forums' success stories and then make sure you can write yours.

    I love this one, don't despair brother:

    WhiteUnitedGelada-size_restricted.gif
    Fight the good fight.
     
    Emileo Delcarme likes this.
  10. Koloz

    Koloz Fapstronaut

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    Same here man
     
  11. TheMaster201

    TheMaster201 New Fapstronaut

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    Just want to let you know that you're not alone man, I'm also 23 and have never had a gf. I think we should honestly just keep pushing through this even though it does suck. Stay strong.
     
  12. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly what it feels like since I have been there myself but managed to get out of it. The harder but more fulfilling way is simply to work on yourself first (especially with what's on your inside) by getting into a good flow of habits. It takes time, effort, and commitment but there are no easy ways in life. Pursuing the quick-fix way is not going to solve any of your issues. Rather, it will only satisfy you temporarily and never bring you any long-lasting power, strength and fulfillment.
    Example of good habits (apart from NoFap) that you can implement into your life today and that will help you in altering the current neural pathways in your brain, as well as making you see things from new perspectives are:

    -Waking up early (no snoozing) since you get more done in the early hours of the day.

    -Take cold-showers and cold-baths (it makes your entire body and mind healthy)

    -Adopting a good diet with lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and legumes (with as little sugar, alcohol and processed foods as possible).

    -Exercising regularly where some cardio combined with weight-lifting and body-core will do you great.

    -Stop fiddling on your phone, computer-games and start reading books regularly (on business, self-help and self-improvement belles-lettres, and practical guides on how to build things up from scratch).

    -Surrounding yourself with good friends and people who inspire you and lift you up. Discard negative and destructive people who are energy-drainers in your life.

    -Set up some clear and fulfilling goals in your life and shoot for attaining those. Drifting in cluelessness and uncertainty with the current will lead to nowhere.

    If you have a hard time to abstain from PMO, adopting these habits one at a time will help you focus on other things but lust and sex. Also, everything else in your life (women, relationships, wealth, social circles, etc) will align itself perfectly as you start killing it in other areas of life first.
     
  13. So here's the cycle:
    1) Your life is sad and depressive
    2) You have no girlfriend, you realize it
    3) You get depressed and sad
    4) You relapse
    5) Repeat the process again

    This is not sad. Because nobody is limiting you from having a great life, and a girlfriend but yourself. Don't get me wrong, I also felt like shit and lonely just like you plenty of times, but i started to really get shit done once i stopped pitying myself. And so should you, porn is here and will always be here (unfortunately) but in the end of the day its you who decides to postpone that amazing life you deserve by relapsing.

    Look, don't get me wrong, i know its not that simple ...but here's the thing, you're sad because so far your life has been shitty, so you keep relapsing and time is ticking, and 2, 3 or 5 years from now on you'll feel even shittier because you haven't done anything in this period.

    I've been aware of my porn addiction, nofap and YBOP since 2013, this is my second time when i told myself i'll quit porn for ever, before it i barely reached 10 days and my best record was 30 days, once i'd relapse i would binge for weeks, months. Months would turn into years, and then i realized i can't go on like this no matter how much porn looks appealing. I suffered through that process a lot, but i knew its rather better to suffer during the moment when urge lasts, than to suffer days after a relapse. And here i am 100+ days without PMO.

    I am a 22 year old guy, virgin, never kissed a girl, never been into a relationship. I was also stressing out about it during my reboot, i was insanely frustrated but then i realized i am focusing on the wrong thing. Finding a girlfriend is an easy task, believe me ... but finding a quality girlfriend takes some effort. Women are attracted to guys who are passionate, ambitious, found their purpose and are hungry of life. You are on a good path, you need to get your life in order first in order to attract quality people in your life. Realizing something does not work well is a first step.

    Because in the end, you want great friends that are awesome, you want a good looking and smart girlfriend ? Why would you want great friends and hot a girlfriend if you're not putting any effort in yourself first ?
    Remember, great life starts with you. Not with this or that man or a woman, or a place, it starts with YOU and only YOU. Therefore, elaborate things get your shit together, roll up your sleeves and start working on your lifestyle that you want and deserve. I know you can do it because your gut is making you feel bad for bad choices you made in your life, do not repeat those same choices because you already see where they lead you (nowhere) you can do it my fam, i ensure you you are way awesome and powerful than you think.

    Cheers.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2019
  14. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    ey great feedback guys I salute you, I know we are all supportive in this site, which is great, but I'm in the same situation as OP and let's be honest. It is not normal to not have had a relationship with the opposite sex by the age of 23.We are not talking about sex, not even about kissing.A freaking normal relationship with a woman, that's all There must be some deep down emotional trauma, that has prevented such interaction and possibility. I think it is very scary, because such trauma, might not be completely resolved and it would continue throughout adult life. The best thing to do is to acknowledge it and of course as mentioned above work on yourself. But still, we must be aware of our boundaries. I don't expect when I've never had any contact with a woman that my interactions which women will go great, when I try to bond. That's why I need to tell the truth to OP - there will be even more pain, with your attempts with finding a woman or there will be regret (which is even more painful) if you continue fapping to porn. You just have to choose which pain you want to live with.
     
  15. Same. I live in a conservative country, there is a little chance to have a girlfriend and have sex, the lattest is almost impossible before marriage. But I don't want to get married yet. I'd like to have a girlfriend but there are not any girls who fits my criteria. I like reading books and journals, watching sci-fi, fantasy and historical-biographical movies and documentals, talking about history, politics, philosophy, etc. Only boys have these hobbys but I'm not gay (I didn't mean any offend against LGBTQ individuals). I don't know what should I do.
     
  16. TheGambler

    TheGambler Fapstronaut

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    While I agree with you, it's unfortunate that's the state of affairs. As if all those thing are what define me as a person. Especially when it comes to wealth, people who look at that as an indicator of a person's character are in for a rude awakening if the ill winds come their way(story of Job?). I hear people say shit like, "you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time around". That's true to some extent as well, but if you can't have the freedom of thought to decide what character you'll have independent of others I feel sorry for you.

    Guys, don't ever believe luck has nothing to do with success. The most successful people almost unanimously agree it plays a huge part. Unless they're lying, but experiment with trying to manage luck. The most we can do is trial and error over and over not repeating what isn't working. The more shit we try the more we have opportunities.
     
  17. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I understand the embarrassment, I’ve also never had a real relationship with a girlfriend and I’m 23. Don’t let it define you though because if you do you’ll carry that label of unworthy with you and it’ll be harder for you to get into a relationship. Have you tried dating apps? There’s definitely mixed reviews about it on here but for some people it’s surprisingly worked out. I’ve tried it and personally will not go back to it but if you want a relationship that is where you need to go or get out of the house and socialize to meet a girl. Those are the only ways man. If you want to talk or vent feel free to message me. I understand your plight.
     
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  18. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    The saddest thing of all is those people who never recognized you or bothered to get in touch with you as you were struggling day in and day out for years do all of a sudden want to be your best friends as success start to come your way. They never saw all of your struggles and setbacks during the rough days when you would have needed their support and then they just expect you to befriend them in an eye-blink.
    This especially holds true for most women today who never gave a rat's ass about you before you became successful and suddenly comes out of the blue, begging for your attention, time and resources when you are approaching the finish line. The closer they come to hitting that famous wall, the more desperate will they become to lock a high value man which will usually be in vain. It's laughable how many modern women buy the illusion of that "Sex and the City" lifestyle and think they can somehow attract a man in the top percentage after they have hit 35-40 years of age and gone dozens of rides on the CC.
     
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  19. Jrmz94

    Jrmz94 Fapstronaut

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    Dude I'm 25 and I never had one either. Don't feel too bad
     

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