Where to meet in the middle?

A few thoughts;

1.
Does your wife enjoy the type of sex you are having?
*Does she feel connected to you and loved by you
*Is there sufficient foreplay and affection
*Are her needs/desires being met
*Is she getting off in other words?
If not, that could be why she's not that interested. Talk to her

2.
Sex is better when less frequent.
*I'm not saying once or twice a year, but waiting a week or two will crank up the volume to 11, so to speak.

3.
You gotta talk to her. Find out what's up and how to improve things for you both.

 

I am in the same situation....now going on 2 months.
We are in counseling right now and working towards a better place.

But I can speak from first hand experience that I went out it looking at my wife as the problem by not wanting to have sex with me. This in turn made me getting frustrated and angry to the point where we had countless arguments into the wee hours of the night that left our marriage in ruin.

I definitely don't have the answers but don't do what I did and continually show her your frustration or she will pull back even more.

I a choosing right now to love her as selflessly as I can knowing that eventually we will connect again. It is one of the hardest things I have done in my life being married to her for 17 years!

 

I’d have to agree with number one.

Most women need foreplay before they can even entertain the thought of sex. I’m not talking just about sexual foreplay... flirt with her, touch her throughout the day, tell her she’s beautiful, move the hair away from her face and look at her, really look at that beautiful woman you love, once she feels that you desire her for more than her body she will probably open up
There is a secret to this though... you’ve got to do these things without expecting sex. Do them from your heart just to make her feel special. Once you do them with an agenda (wanting sex) she will feel it and that pressure will have her backing away even more.

 

Hey, I’m an SO and I thought I’d give my perceptive. I’ve been married for 19 years and over the course of my marriage, my libido faded away. It wasn’t just my libido but I was physically having problems with intimacy - horrible pain.

Since my husband has started on the road to recovery and me as well, I can tell you that me wanting him that way was directly related to the feeling of love, respect, self image, and connection we have.

I have found out and remembered some abuse in my childhood just recently that I do think plays a factor as well.

We went from having S a few times a year now A LOT because I feel loved and desired not just for an O.

 

Read "The Sex Starved Marriage". Ignore the ominous title, it's not like that. I read it cover to cover the other night. It is possibly helping to save my marriage. Follow my journal, it's all about this. Essentially, the low libido spouse does have to step up his/her game because they have control over the sexual relationship which isn't fair. But there is a lot that's on the high libido spouse as well (like for example things that were mentioned above like focusing on their lower libido spouses arousal and desire needs). It's not so clear cut as how much is right but how is the couple meeting each others needs in a loving and committed way so that each person feels desired, loved, and fulfilled.

Peace,
-Quinn

 

My wife started reading the book tonight and we signed up for marriage coaching.

 

This is the truth. Frustration doesn't help.... unfortunately it can be years later that we see that truth.