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Hope (experienced rebooters please read)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by mickeytee, Apr 11, 2015.

  1. mickeytee

    mickeytee Fapstronaut

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    I'm writing an article with "hope" as it's theme. It goes on my blog when finished.
    I'm still a newb, so I want to work on this for some time and push my limits.

    Here's the intro paragraph:


    "Maybe you are in a really low point right as you read this. You have listened to Tony Robbins and posted your problem on forums. You are tired of listening to the same pieces of advice repeated over and over, nothing seems to work. There’s nobody you can reach out to. You no longer have enough motivation to read through another 4000 word action plan, because something is telling you that you will fail to follow through. That there is something that other people who make it out of this place of unhappiness seem to know that is unknown to you. None of your dreams are going to come true and time is slipping from your hands every moment you wait. You desperately want to get out, but you are trapped in a one way glass box of misery. Your hands tremor and slide over the smooth surface, you feel nothing you can dig your fingers in to."

    What would you have told you-from-the-past when he was going through a particularly difficult period?
    What do you feel NEEDS to be said more often?

    Don't worry about the prose, just tell me your experiences. Being poetic is my job ;)
     
    fapstronaut1337 likes this.
  2. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    What needs to be said more often is..... what are the NON-sexual reasons that are driving you to PMO? is it guilt, shame, not feeling "man enough", depression, feeling like a failure, boredom, social issues, money problems, loneliness? There is most likely a non-sexual reason why you are seeking out PMO. It makes you feel good. It makes the pain of ________ go away for a bit. Find out the non sexual reasons why you are seeking this out and the problem will start to untangle itself. This may take a while. It's much harder than just throwing your PC away. It will come back if you only cut off the escape avenue and don't deal with the deeper issues. This is what people aren't talking about enough.

    I would have told the "me from the past" to stop ignoring my feelings. Feel your feelings, get into your feelings and then they will start to lose power over you.
     
  3. Captain B

    Captain B Fapstronaut

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    There are a few things that always kept (and keep) me going when urges are getting stronger. So what I'd say to my past-self is this:
    1. You've already made up your mind about this, remember? Why are you reconsidering this now? Nothing has changed ever since the last time you debated this decision with yourself. There is no reason to change your mind now.
    2. Think about the aftermath. Think about how shitty you'd feel just one minute after PMOing now. All the frustration and self-loathing and disappointment. Got that? Pretty depressing, huh? Now think about how you'd feel tomorrow morning, waking up knowing that you didn't give in. Hold on to that feeling and work towards it. Every day.
    3. Visualize your goals and picture them next to the sacrifices you'd have to make. Quite the difference between the two, huh? So why are you struggling with your motivation again...?
    And what needs to be said more often is this: At the end of the day, all this super intense hardcore struggle, all the advice and magic techniques, all just to help me keep my dirty paws out of my pants is actually quite fucking hilarious. So laugh. Keep your humor when talking about it. Everything is easier with a smile on your face :)
     
  4. mickeytee

    mickeytee Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys!

    @Andrew0268 I agree, self-awareness is a big part of change.

    @Captain B For a lot of things in life, trying too hard results in letting the problem affect our intrinsic self worth as a human being. And yeah, humour can help remind ourselves that.

    Reminds me of this italian movie "Life is Beautiful", where the hero is a scrawny fella who protects his son in a fascist camp through his sense of humour.

    Don't hesitate to post here. Talking about your sticking points and what you changed to get through could help someone else (no to mention myself as a writer :p)
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2015
  5. mickeytee

    mickeytee Fapstronaut

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    One pattern I think is significant to people who try to change but can't is, they devalue themselves way too much. They use stuff like self-help as a means to forget about themselves for a while and feel good wondering the 'possiblities of greatness'. They worship an unrealistic ideal. Same problem as people who give themselves up completely to religion, and beat themselves over how unworthy they are.
     
    Andrew0268 and fapstronaut1337 like this.
  6. fapstronaut1337

    fapstronaut1337 Fapstronaut

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    Yes! I think we need to pat outself on the back more often when we succeed. To punish myself and tell myself I am complete shit after a relapse (or just having some sexual thoughts) is waaaay more common than to congratulate and celebrate every moment that I beat an urge or avoid a trigger etc.
     
    Andrew0268 and mickeytee like this.
  7. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    @mickeytee , @fapstonaut1337 , @Captain B , you all have some really good insights. Giving yourself credit when you do good and not berating yourself when you do poorly is such a powerful thing. So, you PMO once after 23 days of no PMO. That's 23/24 buddy. Not too shabby. Figure out why you did it. Realize that you're human, laugh about it and try again. Just because you didn't make it to 30 days doesn't mean that your progress was zero. Every step ahead is a step ahead. Give yourself a pat on the back when you succeed.

    Devaluing yourself is a lot of the reason why I think a lot of us got here. Not cause we are sexual perverts and maniacs.... we devalued ourselves and then found some (fake) value through looking at porn. We all thought.... "yeah, I'll get a sexy girl like her some day, some day I'll be that dude who is #*$&%*# that sexy woman" then in real life we all thought that no great girl would ever go for us. It isn't reality, but the terrible way we devalue ourselves does come to play out in real life.
     
    fapstronaut1337 likes this.
  8. fapstronaut1337

    fapstronaut1337 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. For me, now at 120 days... a relapse somehow seems worse than It was when I was at, lets say, 7 days. This is wrong because a relapse is always progress. I have since about a year ago started seeing failure not as failure, instead as something to learn from. I was training my grip yesterday, just picking a barbell up and holding it for like 5 seconds and I failed to even pick up 385 lbs (175 kg)... so I lowered it to 375 lbs (170 kg) and failed to pick that up also (had no chalk so my hands where sweaty and slippery). I got frustrated and felt the urge to quit for a second, but I also knew if I would have felt like shit. So I just went on with the workout, doing some high volume hamstring work and then got back to the grip-training. Another exercise but I did what I have never done before and I felt ontop of the world again, finishing with some bicepcurls after that.

    Point is, I could have quit and went home feeling like a failure but instead I learned my limit for now and went on with the day conquering the next thing I could instead, and my flow was back.
     
    goldstein likes this.
  9. mickeytee

    mickeytee Fapstronaut

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    Depression is much harder to overcome than weights.
    It's a mental battle, you can't see your enemy (the subconscious), and he's WAY stronger than you.
    And often times fighting it the wrong way makes it stronger, creating OCD, paranoia, etc.

    The tools you're fighting it with (your conscious mind) are the tools that created it in the first place, and it's the thing that keeps empowering it by trying to get rid of the problem.
    There's a couple things like parenting and genetics that play a role, but those aren't really in our control.

    What I'm reading now says normal people are more deluded (i.e. hopeful) than those who're depressed. That is just so cool.
     
  10. Andrew0268

    Andrew0268 Fapstronaut

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    I'd love to have some more delusion
     

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