subtle triggers

I believe my triggers are subtle or too subtle that there does not seem to be an end that will affect me for the rest of my life. This is one part I have not figured out. It seems to easy to say I am hungry or lonely, but life could be going very well. That makes me feel different. Which makes me wonder if I need a whole different technique. I've had my problems since early teens. My problems will be until I die. How can life be moving so quickly with me making some correct choices. Now I do more chores. Some excuses I gave off when starting therapy for addiction over five years ago are no longer valid. When stressed I stated I needed to take it out in video games. Am I really stressed these days? All this attention to my addiction which had been difficult these last two years have allowed me to be able to even write this post. In the past it would have been incomprehensible. I was confronted Again about the third time this year about being transparent. No I am not transparent. Yes I have been acting out. Yes it does seem like I am brain dead when it comes to following simple directions of even stating that I am struggling or I already did ruin my sobriety. At most I might be able to convince myself that I have been sober for a solid three months, but is that even true? I'm just lying to myself. What is always true? Well what has been true is that I go back into my addiction. How good can I stand it? Not as much as I should. It could be a great month then slowly I am back in a full addiction lying to myself.

 

Thank you.