Pornography, the addiction of social connection

This what I have felt today, something that matured after several years, months of reading and personal experiences.
Porn is an activation of the sexual drive. The sexual drive, no matter how you may want to define in terms of hormones, of neurotransmitters and the like, is more like love addiction, relationship addiction like codependecy and the such. What do I mean? Well the innate function of erotic behaviour, be it just passionate friendship, or a passionate job - jobs are also mainly social activities, you do something for someone, as well - or sexual relationship is not actual sexual pleasure we usual think of, but that sexual pleasure is actually the pleasure of deep - how much deeper can one get psyhically than sexual intercourse - relationships.
Of course, being overly stimulated by the sexualized culture contributes, no real education on how to deal with emotions and the such, but these are circumstances that make it worse or even unbereable, or inevitable, but not the main cause, I feel. It is a loss of connection. That is why most say they do it out of loneliness, or when they are stressed. Our normal reactions to stress are, you would have guessed it, primordially social. There was a study, that children who stayed with their parents in the London bombings of WWII than those that were sent to the countryside for protection. Reaching out to loved ones, friends etc.
However, the culture of the highly industrialized cities is mainly individualistic and fiercely competitional. If in ancient times, competitions was also balanced by a strong collective structure and cohesion, this is very much less so now.
The urge to connect is, I think, primordial. You can see in the biological level from plants to animals, to the symbolic level of religions , where a lot of mystical traditions talk about UNION with the divine. This can be interpreted purely psychological, not necessarily on the faith realm.
So porn is not a hijacking if the brain per se, it is a hijacking of this social connection need. Which of course is also a lot in the brain, but not onlu, it is wholebody experience. Also we live in an age where touch is sexualized, so it is hard to hug someone without thinking about the overt sexual implications. It is like this drug was made for lonely, usually nice sensitive people. Or that part of people. Not all and not always, I am not generalising, but still it is an important skill. Why adolescence? Where in that age, the urge for connection is extremely high. Peer connection especially. Gangs develop a lot at that age, and many kids join gangs for the social connections more than anything.
I mean, why this? Why not alchohol, legal highs, working, so many other addictions? It show, I think a sensitive character and actually the deep need for intimate relationships. There this big 5 personality trait, and one of them was agreableness , which stressed intimate quality relationships. These kinds of people will more attracted to social activities and prone to social addictions, including religious, cultic stuff.
I mean, look, porn served as a container. Why? Porn does not judge you, or your thoughts, bu emotionally, even of this sounds weird, you feel accepted, with all you fantasies, warm and aggressive one. It is like a pseudo therapist. It is similar to the stories of friendly prostitutes, where the girls listen to so many sobbing stories sometimes, after the sexual act is done.
So the brain is somehow tricked into thinking you have an intimate relationship. After the act is consumated, however, the brain somehow realises the con, and after the initial pleasure you feel conned. That is why a deep sexual act with some you are affectionate with has such a different aftermath. Real intimate sex is different from the fantasy of porn. Fantasy evaporates, and reality kicks in. A screen is not actually a loving partner or screen. It is like imagining an oasis in the desert and drinking sand when you think you are drinking water. Sooner or later, and pretty soon, the sand drinking will have vastly different , and bad effects, than water drinking.
Of course pshysical activity helps, supplements help, some psychiatric pills may help, having a hobby and or job helps, but these are auxiliary.
Maybe the sad truth is that what we really crave is a deep open intimate relationships where can share our deepers fears without being judged or rejected. And porn, unlike real relationships, is like always there, and does not have all the strings and nuts and bolts of a real human being, and you can just access it whithout many complications.
Of course a lot can be said and has been said, the professional literature and artistic literature on relationships abounds.BUT,
This is the crux of the matter most of the time. And that is why, I think these kind of forums can help. The non judgemental, accepting nature. And that is why I think, for many of us, a deep connection to a spiritual guide, if one is so inclined, or some kind of modern secular therapy is, I am afraid, almost necessary in the beggining, if we DO NOT have a strong support system we can turn to with these intimicy needs.

 

Either you believe in evolution or some kind of religion, the major traditions and viewpoints, be they christian, islamic, hindu or buddhist put the emphasis on connection. So yeah, the illusion we sometimes foster, out of many reasons, is our lack of need of connection. Like I am watching porn, and the sensation I have is this, I am in the know of what I am doing, so WHY am i doing it? Because I do not have a clear reason to give up, like, ok , you get away from the screen and back into the void of life. After PMO, it is the same thing, only the senses are a little dulled. The thing is, if you have a history of interpersonal trauma, than connection, real one, is very hard, and porn is something that, yes I am sorry to say it, offers you safety and affection/aproval, albeit illusions of these? How, well, being at a distance from the screen and constantly shifting and selecting activates the sense of control, and not being present, being on the outside feels like you cannot be harmed, like a doctor with his labrats. Affection, I already said, almost any fantasy is accepted, no porn, no free porn says no, and it stimulates the part of the soul which is part of intimicy.