Finally achieved 90 days of no PM

I started this journey two and a half years ago. I recognized then that I had a problem with PM. I was spending an incredible amount of time looking a P. I had problems with my erection. I had intense shame. I was withdrawn. I was anxious. I was not happy with how I was living my life.

When I first started I found some success. I was highly motivated. The first time I made it three weeks. That was a record for me since when I was a teenager over twenty years ago. I relapsed but didn’t quit. I was accomplishing some solid breaks from PM. I once made it over 30 days. But then I started to get complacent. I became somewhat indifferent to quitting PM. I didn’t like the stranglehold it had on my life, but I still enjoyed the fantasy and seeming relief PM offered. Slowly my old habits returned.

This went on for basically a couple of years. Sometimes I’d make half-hearted attempts to quit, but that never lasted long. Finally three months ago I had enough. I was fed up with what I was. I had had a taste of freedom and I longed for it again.

This time I had a much deeper sense, like in twelve step programs, of admitting I was incapable of stopping my PM habit. I admitted to myself I simply didn’t have the strength to do this on my own. I told this to a God and asked him to take this burden from me. I didn’t then have some mystical moment. But after this I didn’t experience strong, or really any desire, to PMO. In the past when I tried to quit I’d really struggle. This time I didn’t. It was like the taste for PM was gone.

For the next few months this lack of temptation continued. Only in the last few weeks have I experienced stronger temptation. One thing I haven’t done a good job of is cleaning up my mind. I still allow myself to indulge fantasies which only stoke the sexual fire. Thoughts precede actions, so I need to purify my thoughts.

My message to others out there who have struggled to gain any ground in quitting PMO is to not give up. After my initial attempt with some success I was more disheartened when I started back with PMO. But I didn’t really give up. I wasn’t making much progress for two years, but some desire to quit remained. Finally, a time came when I did experience the motivation to ask for the help I needed to stop.

 

Thanks. Hopefully I’ll make it to 180 days and beyond. I try to look at this as one day at a time, or even just one minute at a time. But the goal is permanent freedom from PM.

 

Yes. They got much better. The quality has been a little up and down, but overall it is so much better.