[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Why without coffee??? Don’t tell me we should stop coffee, I CANT

 

Day 20/90. A few urges here and there this afternoon. Staying busy enough that it's not a relapse issue but it is very distracting from the schoolwork I'm trying to do.

 

When you cant, maybe you should.

 

Day 2/90 is coming to a close.

Manageable so far, but anticipate a rough road ahead. Taking this one step at a time.

More often than not it is the feelings of guilt, shame, unworthiness and inner-hate that drive me to PMO

 

Gosh the feelings of self-loathing and shame can be so powerful - the body screams for PMO as a way to temporarily divert the energy

 

2/90

 

Sixth day

 

Started Challenges Jan 25, 2019
Relapsed 7/220 Days
Longest streak 67 days
Current Challenge 25/90 no PM
Day 66 of weight training
Day 16 - reduced alcohol, caffeine and sugar
- a hard night and morning with lots of urges
- went to bed early but woke up at 1:30 and couldn't fall back asleep until 4am, then slept until 9:30am
- during the 2-4 AM time that I couldn't sleep, I found myself picking up my cell against my will and compulsively looking for any cute girls I could randomly find on YT or Google images without doing a search
- I suppose being back to civilization with internet and my familiar fapping surroundings after camping for 3 days became a trigger
- half my brain kept saying don't do it (random image search), the other half of my brain would say, they are only porn subs and you are not actively looking for anything
- BIG mistake, huge! the avalanche effect always takes over and I neurotically keep looking until my eyes are sore and my brain is numb and I see some skin, making me want to PMO
- the boundary (game) I draw for myself is that I can't actively search and type in words that would lead to porn, so cute girls would be okay, cute girls naked wouldn't - I know I'm fooling myself!
- I know that is stupid to think that way but this addiction is very controlling and relentless
- I am debating whether to call it a relapse or not as I didn't search nudity - only p-subs, and didn't O to anything either
- I did O in the shower an hour later on purpose to relieve the sexual tension and not cause another epididymal cyst
- I would have had sex with the wife but she was out of commission with a headache and feeling sick

 

Again! I stand up again and fight it no matter what!

 

Don't fail it today
Plz hold on
I know u can force urself to M even in flatline
How many times u made it bleed & used sharps to do it
I know u r great but please leave me this time for hell sake
Let me be normal once in my life
Set me free
"to my mind, my curse, my addiction"

 

93/90
Am done with this challenge on to the next one
Nofap is a commitment

 

LETS FUCKING DO THIS!

 

Make me into a better boi/man

 

8/90
Difficult few days. Just goes to show what porn has on your brain.
Keep going soldiers

 

Congratulations.

 

Day 3 /90

 

Day 0. This seems so hopeless sometimes

 

Day 2

 

Fuck i relapsed, my mind tricked me into doubting the purpose of NoFap
Meet you guys tomorrow

 

Day 3/90 Checking in.
Enjoy the motivation. Close your eyes and feel it.