Self-improvement log here i go

Like the title says, i will keep my life journal and stuff i want to keep pushing forward for written here, feel free to hop in once in a while. i'll try to keep it as updated as possible.

Here i am after 4 years,I've left this website a while ago, used to be 15 and is 19 now, to think how to fast time flies, it's unbelievable. I've come here after realizing how much carefree and irresponsible i have become. Lil young me would have never fell this deep no matter how much you punched him down, yet here i am. being the lazy worthless person i have been recently, i am now aiming to become better, to be more like my older self, to be more determined and achieve my goals.

Currently i have an exam coming up in 8 days, for starters i shall study hard.
In the break i will finally get a driving license, been lazying around for way too long. for at least a year and 7 months.
I will try applying to the gym.
I will check up with my dentist more often. possibly might check my eyes, the left one has been a tad blurry and i was too lazy to go check it at a doctor.
I will try and start jogging and eating healthier.
I will go back into stretching and yoga. back in the day i had the highest natural flexibility in school among my peers. yet i have lazied around to the point i barely put it into any use, i shall change that.
I will try going back into my old hobbies, specifically basketball and table tennis, which are definitely much healthier than sitting at home playing video games all day.
this is all for today, i should go back into studying. looking forward to updating this log more often. looking forward to finally try and improve my life, even if it is a tiny bit. and any support is greatly appreciated.

 

Hello,
Yes i will do that, i've been thinking about it today since i woke up as well.
I decided i'll try to socialize with others and try to make more friends at uni
Been isolating myself for long enough, i'll bring this to an end.
I haven't always been the talkative type, i'll try hard and become more of an extrovert, i'll start by asking my friends to call more often, and i will try to engage in more conversations from now on.

 

Thank you! 7 more days to go!

 

Finally done with the exam, felt like forever. So tired right now.
I've discovered a few good ways to help myself focus on studying, cutting off the internet off of my laptop and phone worked great and removed most distractions, i have made a rule to not connect till I'm done with the exam, and boy did it work. As well as, writing! opening word and typing down the stuff i'm trying to memorize helped me a lot, it helped me focus more, memorize faster and not get distracted staring at the wall for long periods of time : ), i didn't write down every single thing, but mostly the difficult stuff.
Needless to say, i spent 7 days from the moment till i woke up till i slept, minus food and toilet breaks, studying. It was hard and i felt like i would give up a lot of times, but i kept pushing through and in the end i was happy with my exam results, hopefully i'll pass with a good result.
but BOY am i tired, been sleeping only 5 to 6 hours per day, but it paid off damn right!
Today, I've been able to talk casually with my acquaintances at uni, both male and female, and I've been quite happy and proud of myself haha. I've also been able to hold the urges and sexual thoughts away, and now I'm wondering why i did not come back to this site a long time ago, just deciding on doing something and focusing on it with enough determination is more than enough for me.
Now that i'm done with the exam, there's a few things to do, get my driving licence, check my left eye at the doctor, check the dentist, my gum started bleeding badly today.
There's a few other stuff i should do, but now i shall focus on those 3
maybe jogging and eating healthier will do later. Until then!

 

My mark is out
I got an A
Graduated to 2nd-year
Congratulate me

 

Some weird stuff has been going on and i cannot explain it
I've been giving it my all to try and socialize more lately, with several successes and failures.
Sometimes i am able to talk continuously with my friends and at other times i just do not know what to say and remain silent for the entirety of the conversation, even though i really want to join in. I've noticed that when my male friends leave me alone with my female friends i am utterly awkward and cannot initiate any conversations, but then again if they ask me something that awkwardness goes away and i am able to talk normally? even so, the other day i came up to two girls and asked them about some stuff and it went pretty fine, i do not know what is up with me to be honest. same things happen sometimes with my male friends, they are talking about a certain topic and i cannot engage into their conversation no matter how much i want to. it might be that i have no experience in the things they talk about, or perhaps i am actually awkward and lack social skills? but many times i have proven that wrong, but it still comes up to me sometimes. Maybe I'm just in a state between being awkward and and not being awkward with others, i do not know, but one thing for sure, i will continue to persevere until i triumph.
and before i forget, i went outside with a group of newly met friends for lunch and sat in a coffee for a while afterwards, so i guess that is an improvement, should try it more often, perhaps i would get used to it.

 

Relapsed today, felt pretty bummed, but i'm not gonna give in, no matter how hard it gets, i'm gonna keep pushing through. No matter how many times i fall again and again and again, i'm gonna get up every single time, i'll work harder on improving myself, i'm not gonna lose my determination, i have a dream and i will achieve it, i must, not for anyone else, but for my very own self.

 

People around me has been getting a bit more friendlier with me, I'm not sure if it's me who became more approachable or if it's something else, but i guess it's an improvement nonetheless.

 

I've been thinking about getting into exercising lately, it would help me build my stamina back, i get tired very easily recently and it will help me with the entire nofap thing as well, i also gained a bit of weight, not noticeable at all from the outside but it still hinders me, i can feel myself being way more sluggish than i used to be, and i kind of want to move more, since i'm sitting doing nothing worth of a notice most of the time.

 

Been really tired recently, sleep been up and down and completely unstable, body keeps waking up several times at night, cannot get any decent sleep in, and always tired for most of the day, i don't know what i'm doing wrong but i'll keep giving it my all.
My socializing has been improving bit by bit, made a decent amount of friends, not very close but good enough to greet them on the go, as well as being able to approach people i know more easily now, it feels nice being close with other people once in a while but i'm sure they don't consider me all that close to them.
I've been trying to study really hard recently but to no avail, i cannot derive any willpower or determination, it feels absolutely dreadful and exhausting, and as a result i have made next to no progress on my subjects even though exams are so goddamn near, i don't know what to do and i'm supposed to be studying as i'm writing this but here i am.
There has been some scenarios lately that put a smile on my face, people i thought that hated me turned out to actually care, i think it's been my introversion and looking like a hard-to-approach gloomy guy, i'm changing that bit by bit.
My diet has been going very downhill since my last update, it's either eat bad unhealthy food for lunch or not eat anything for most of the day, and it's mostly my fault, i should eat more fruits and vegetables that might actually boost my energy and stop me looking like a dreadful dead toy for most of the day.
I haven't gotten back into exercising yet, nor have i gotten back into basketball or tennis, and i think that's what causes a huge amount of my problems, lack of any movement deprives me of energy and decent blood circulation and leaves me sluggish and sleepy for a huge amount of time throughout every day.