A new beginning - your help and support hugely appreciated

It's hard to put words on now I feel. I have received nothing but encouragement from this website over the last five months but have still gone back to using porn on a regular basis (twice last week). Each time, I feel worse and worse. It's like sweet poison - delicious at the beginning, and after two days, the sweetness is gone, and I am left with nothing but physical and mental sickness.

What's worse, I am a Christian, and I am so shamed of my using porn, I cannot talk about my addiction with with any of my Christian friends. So I'm alone, in an impossible battle.

But last night, while at another 12 step meeting (AA), I committed myself, one day at a time, to my sexual and love addiction recovery. This includes attending SLAA meetings on a regular basis, sharing my struggles and asking for help on nofap, working on my relationship with my wife, reading success stories of porn addiction recovery, and sharing on a one-to-one confidentially, my sex and porn addiction problems with my AA and Christian friends.

A new beginning. Your help and support are as always very appreciated.

 

Thanks for your support! In the last few days, I am starting to see how many aspects of my life (and my thinking) are affected by my addiction. Always, it feels, "if only" my other problems were sorted out - job, relationship, money, friends, family - then I wouldn't have addiction problems. This time I am working on keeping my recovery first.