New: 30s male, married, historical issues

You have great motivation there. Now put it into practice. It will be difficult, but it sounds like you understand the what you have to gain or lose. Always keep this motivation in mind when you face temptations and urges. Use this site and the forums to your advantage.

Best to you. Stay strong.

 

Welcome! I’m married too and porn and masturbation kills a marriage. There is no question you should go cold turkey. I don’t think a little bit of porn is good for anyone, but if you are an addict there is no question you can’t handle any.

I’d recommend setting up blockers immediately. Trying to quit porn when you can get it on your computer or phone anytime you want is like a heroin addict trying to quit while walking around with heroin, a needle, and a spoon in his pocket. The chances of success are slim to none.

 

Good to see you here man. Cold turkey deffinetly. Relapses will come, and you will learn from these. But you are trying to fight your addiction, looking for help and thats a start. As youve read here, this addiction destroys relationships and people. For your own-, and your familys sake, start fighting now. Its a long battle.

 

Congrats on getting to this point where you are READY to change--where you realize the scourge of porn. I don't say that from a place a judgement because porn still calls out to me trying to woo me into thinking it's not that bad, what's the big deal, a little bit never hurt anyone. Those have all proven big fat lies in my life even as I still forget that sometimes. It is that bad--and worse. It has fed my mind all types of garbage and had me living a double life. It is a big deal. It destroys marriages daily and saps (for most of us here) our self esteem, confidence, and motivation. A little bit has always turned into MORE. Yes, there's a lot out there on whether Harm Reduction (weening oneself off porn), or even justifications on how porn can be part one's sexual health. I'm not here to say that's right or wrong for all of humanity. We each get to choose for ourselves. But a little porn never works for me. The only solution has been to declare "no more" and cut it our completely, even the stuff some of us like to call "not porn", but really is because it takes us into isolation and arousal outside of our marriages. I have to recommit to this daily. It's been life transforming for me, even if imperfect in execution.

 

Hello and welcome!

We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button|DayCounter| Rebooting Resources|ForumRules|Glossary

If you wish to keep a journal ofyourprogress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be atremendous help. Challenges

Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help youalong on your journey to a life free ofPMO. I wish you nothing but the best!

 

Hi JHA82, firstly I'm wishing you loads of good luck and strength on your journey away from porn and towards a better sex life with your wife. Regarding your question whether you should start slowly or go cold turkey: for me, starting slowly doesn't work. A little bit of porn always leads to more porn. If you really want this, go cold turkey. It's the only way to get the poison out. Regarding masturbation: personally, I still masturbate (without porn), albeit in moderation (I have no principle objections and am still a warm blooded male). But others might do this differently. Regarding your question on sex toys to get used to intercourse with your wife: sounds like a complicated solution to me. Might make more sense to make sex something communal between you and your wife, instead of something you do completely on your own. Maybe as a starting point ask her to masturbate you instead of doing this yourself? And regarding days of abstinence: my goal is no porn and no masturbation to porn, and certainly no orgasm to porn.

Be resolute, set goals, define actions, try to stick to them and do them. Like many of, you probably will fail often, since this is a difficult journey. But subsequently pick yourself up, and try again. You can do it!

 

Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

Here is just some advice:

First and foremost please take a look at each section in the forum, there might be something(s) you may find of big help to you. Feel free to post there :+)

Then secondly I just strongly advise you to be active on your profile(as there quite a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then make daily status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've also got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support.

People (are beginning to) love communicating in the profilesection..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive talk. It would be great to have you join in and support others in the threads, profiles, and journal, we could always use your help and in return you shall receive some as well!

Thirdly, You should also highly consider creating a public journal and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along your journey and offer support to you by way of posting in your journal.

Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!

 

Absolutely go cold turkey. It sounds hard, but it's definitely even harder to try to wane out of the addiction as opposed to just cutting it off entirely and ensure it stays cut off. Welcome to NoFap. Hope you'll stay.

EDIT: To create a journal, click "Forums", then scroll down to a section called "Reboot Logs". Click on your age range and then create a thread there as you did here. Then feel free to talk about yourself, your day, what happened, how you're doing.

 

It's all down to your personal preferences, but everybody here firmly believes, including myself, that you're better off cutting porn out from your life completely. As for masturbation, that's up to you. Some members want to continue masturbating without needing porn to stay aroused. Others want to limit masturbation to once a week or a month, something like that. And there are those that wish to cut masturbation and porn completely from their lives and focus purely on sex. Your end game is yours alone.

Fundamentally, cold turkey just means completely avoiding porn at all costs. No peeking, no substitutes (pictures, for example), nothing. So if you wish to limit how much you masturbate, but still continue to do so, that's completely your choice to make, despite what the name of the site implies.

 

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/ages-30-39.20/ go here since its your age group and click the red button that says "post new thread" : )