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Masturbating w/o porn and hand??

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by JHA82, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. JHA82

    JHA82 Fapstronaut

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    So there's watching porn and masturbating. And there's masturbating without porn. I've been watching porn and masturbating since teenhood, and have ED issues with my wife, and I'm generally about 50/50 in terms of successfully finishing. Sometimes I masturbate just lying in bed, without any porn as well.

    Is there any success of reducing ED with cutting porn completely, cutting hand-masturbation completely ... and limiting my orgasms to either (1) just with my wife, or (1) on my own with a vaginal simulator sex toy and NO porn?

    I think one of my biggest issues is that my hand is different than a vagina, and I need to get more used to orgasming through what a vagina feels like. I can go 5-6 days without porn (usually it's only when I'm staying with my in-laws and therefore not working from home sitting in front of my computer). But I'm always fine when I take those breaks.

    Thoughts on this approach? Thanks!
     
  2. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

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    Maybe spend some more time reading about how PMO affect you and what needs to happen to reverse it
     
    Enwar likes this.
  3. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Forget about sex for a moment and yes u won't enjoy sex with a woman if u have been m using the death grip.
    You need to stop m and p completly.
    Focus all your sexual energy on your wife and your wife alone. ( physically and mentally)
    Try karezza sex . It is a bliss.
     
  4. romeolima

    romeolima Fapstronaut

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    I think if you are having ED issues then you need to reign everything in including masturbation both by hand and with a toy. However with ED I would be considering medical checks as well.
     
  5. JHA82

    JHA82 Fapstronaut

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    @MisterDirection do you have any good suggestions, posts or websites where I should research? I'm curious: what's the "end goal" with no PMO?? I get that you want to stop the addiction. But does the philosophy support you returning to healthy orgasms again, like a normal, sexual human being?
     
  6. JHA82

    JHA82 Fapstronaut

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    @Di.Do.555 I wish I could do that ... but we are trying to get pregnant now. Feeling pressure from the wife, who is not aware of my deeper PMO issues, but who wants to get pregnant now!
     
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  7. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Dm me. I believe i could help.
     
    JHA82 likes this.
  8. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

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    If it were my relationship and I could go back to a time before kids....

    I would reveal all and make my marriage a solid foundation BEFORE kids are added to the equation.

    Something to think on. Secrets are secrets, they serve no purpose except to mask who we are
     
    Tibo87 likes this.
  9. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

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    Start with @Sadgirl , she has a thread with resources for PA and SO's

    Then do some surfing in the rebooting in a relationship forum section. You will find 100s of PA's stories that concern ED and hiding it from wives and negative effects.

    Podcast the betrayed, the expert and the addicted is a nice resource of all 3 perspectives...some agree some dont

    Your brain on porn
    Your sexually addicted spouse

    Are 2 books I and many others including my wife @IamOlive would recommend.
     
    Hopefulgirl and IamOlive like this.
  10. JHA82

    JHA82 Fapstronaut

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    I'll check it out, thanks!
     
  11. Yes, M'ing and death grip are perhaps partly to blame for your PIED problems, but I think the biggest issue is probably the fact that your brain has been been wired to respond to all the artificial stimuli for such a long time and not a real person (your wife). You said (in another thread, I believe) this has been a problem since you were dating, but PMO was around long before she was. In order to respond normally to her, you have to rewire your brain to be able to, and that means you have to cut out ALL other stimuli...PMO, MO, P. Even when you M without P, it's likely that you're fantasizing or replaying in your mind things you've seen in P. It's all artificial, and it all affects your ability to respond to the real thing. It will take time, but it can happen if you stick with it.

    I would also have to agree with @MisterDirection about the negative impact of keeping secrets. As a wife of a PMO addict for 20+ years, I will say that the lying, hiding, and deceiving have been far more damaging than anything else and have caused more heartbreak and pain than I ever imagined possible. The truth could never hurt as bad as the lies no matter how much you think it will.
     
    river tree star and JHA82 like this.

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