Advice on how to talk to SO

I'm with sadgirl on that part. Cruel doesn't mean it's not true. It's protecting addiction. I woud and I definitely take the same strategy for someone with food addiction. I'm actually loosing weight and if I would get too soft and say, meh, I gained weight cause of that and try to overanalyze how food addiction works I would go nowhere. Keep calm, accept the truth, even if it's harsh and do whatever you can to focus on a better way. And every addiction is cover for over problems.
I would judge both and exactly it is what I do. I gained weight during pregnancy, my so had porn addiction before. Now our sex life is almost dead, he makes reboot and I'm loosing weight. And accually I found it liberating to think that way, that there is part of me to blame for it, cause I can do something about it. But of course a lot of his blame and he also works on it. I don't really get why fat people stay fat and noone can say that it's not ok, especially husband or wife. It's not helping anyone. The same with porn.

 

Not really much of a debate for me to fail at.

1. Dont really care about your opinion. So it's not really what I would call a debate, no adjusted positions and compromised solutions. Just me sayi n g you are wrong and you saying I am wrong....oh yeah and then getting attacked because I believe in God.
2. I know what I am responsible for in my situation and what it takes to make it succeed.

Good day or evening to you

 

There is want and WANT, and its a subtle difference and you literally cannot see it until you've passed through the unconscious want to fail and can look at it from the other side. I could take any member here and throw them in a prison cel and they'd be porn free for a good while....not least of which because they'd wonder why the hell they found themselves in a prison cell. Getting out of that situation and living through that situation would no doubt be of a higher priority that getting off.

Nobody WANTS an addiction, but Sadgirl has a point that protecting an addiction is a way of feeding it, and if you feed it, part of the addict still wants it. All is PAs get the OP in that talking and fessing up about relapse is hard, and we also get that Sadgirl getting on the OP harshly might not be helpful for the place in this fight they are at now, but in reality you and her are both right in different ways.

 

I am not being harsh I am being HONEST. It amazes me how many PA's take offense to the truth but then apologize to me later. I hope that the OP can get real with himself about why he is relapsing and why he chooses to.

 

For where the OP (and other's) are, you are indeed being harsh. I don't deny the honesty but there is a compulsion involved that you are minimizing, a compulsion that can seem huge and overwhelming.

(Edit: I want to be clear, it's OK that you are harsh. Multiple points of view are good input for the OP)

The first step for the OP is to be honest, that is the advice he needs right now. And, in my opinion, it's a critical step even if he never relapsed again.