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I am not trying hard enough and I need some motivational reasons to really for for that success

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Sep 13, 2019.

  1. I have made a few posts on seeking advice and ways to improve my social strata as well as my personal development but as it seems, I am in the same position I was three years ago.

    I can easily say I had a fun and wonderous childhood, every time looking back at those simple times-fills me with joy and I thank my loving mother for providing me with such heartfelt memories, but now those times have gone and I have let go graciously, it took time but I did it and now I am free of looking back when I am upset. Although my immature years were great, my teenage life was not as bullying was at the centre stage along with my loneliness. I had no friends and was constantly cast out, picked on, and thrown to the shadows when everyone would speak about parties or spending the night over-I would be directly in front of them hoping one day they may ask me to come along also, this never happened.

    And so this created a rift of priorities in myself making me place non-existant friendships in the way of studying, disregarding my most essential priorities, I ended up failing secondary/high school to a certain extent. Although I have a few subjects to my name-but I still failed in terms of grades and so university was out of the question but also because I could not afford it, none the less I didn't spend 8 years of my high school education very resourcefully. Here I am...

    Right now I am unemployed and have been seeking work, applying for positions online for-four months non-stop, day in, day out, application, application, application, plus a great many cover letters thoroughly checked and sent off by myself. When I send these resumes to these various companies hoping to hear back, I am always either in my pyjamas or my bathrobe only then to begin procrastinating wasting time spending an hour watching television or playing one game I always seem to be redownloading when I feel as if I need a break (and this is not a good idea). I forget to mention that I study at home which is truly-rarely done and I have just finished a course the other day but I have another one to focus on.

    But why? Why am I so uncaring, lackadaisical, and lazy? If I know I have to physically print these resumes and take them to the employers. If I know that I have to go out an speak to women to get a girlfriend, that I have to study to get the grade-then why am I struggling so hard to do so?

    I dream and think daily about the ambitions I envision inside (my mind) but throughout the entire day, all I do is waste it, why?

    Have an of you been through a time like this? And if so would you be able to tell me how you exited yourself out of it? I will appreciate any advice, I want out of this pathetic lifestyle!

    Thank you.
     
  2. Hey man, recently I discovered a book about something similar: It talks about how wishing for something won't help you, it might even do you some harm. To be more precise: To think about already having something, to dream about how awesome it will be with a girlfriend, good grades and so on.

    So the book says (it's a bit scientific with studies and so on) that People who wish and dream for something a lot are less likely to actually achive it. They explain it with similar methods as why Porn is bad for someone: When you dream and Picture it in your head that you already have something achived, you loose interest to actually do it. Dopamine and Happiness are released even when you only dream about the outcome, so you already 'have' it. And you get it much much easier and you get it instantly.

    So the studies tested a new method to counteract this, which they called WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan). It's a maybe 10 to 30min process daily or weekly: first Picture it in your head, you live your wish out. You really should feel the happiness this gives you. Then you think about the Obstacle. What will make it hard for you to actually achive it? Then you make yourself a plan.

    For example talking to women: You Picture it in your head how awesome you will feel after you talked to a Girl and had a good conversation with her, she agreed to a date. Then, and this is the part most People don't do, you also Picture the difficulties: You will get really nervous shortly before talking to her and might just go away; or it might be hard to actually be in a place to meet someone; Then you make a plan: What are you going to do if that obstacle arises? If you get really nervous, you take some deep breaths and don't turn back. So if X, then Y.

    Google for more Infos! I think the Website is woop.org (not sure)

    I think it is a really good method to actually make something happen and not only live in a dream world in your head!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. You are very correct about this. All I do is think about my dreams and actions I wish to take then end up keeping them locked in my mind, telling myself constantly, next month, and after that month, next year I will do this!

    Thank you. This is spot on accurate, and now I know how to and what to change for the better
     
  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Procrastination and perfectionism go hand in hand. Unless you have a guarantee that your grand ambitions will work out, you don't feel like doing it. Eventually you have to produce some results in life for the sake of self preservation, so you end up giving mediocre effort towards your goals.

    It's a lack of commitment / resolve / intention / conviction. Being uncaring / lazy is all about coping, conserving energy, and protecting yourself from possible harm and disappointments. You don't believe you can reach your goals, so you play it very safe. You play not to lose rather than playing to win. So if things do go wrong, you're able to stay uncaring to protect yourself from emotional volatility. Basically you're not taking enough risks and effort that are required to achieve your goals for the sake of comfort and safety.

    It's easy to not care. It's easy to be indifferent. It's easy to tip toe safely throughout life. It's easy to dip your toe in the water once in a while and pull out the second things get uncomfortable and uncertain.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Anytime Hugzy

    Anytime Hugzy New Fapstronaut

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    gday poster, thank you for sharing, I enjoyed reading your post for it is so raw.

    Firstly when I read it, I immediately thought of my first ever client (I help shy guys like myself become more confident). He is exactly like you, KNOWS what he SHOULD be doing, but just procrastinates til the moon rises and then leaves it to the next day. I actually asked him straight away to see if he has any personal experience to share.

    Anyway there are many theories as to why you are in this state (a mixture of bad habit, lack of REAL motivation (both external and internal), the fact that taking action IS hard and sometimes scary). I get the feeling you already know the reasons.

    So instead, I offer a more practical solution, which is go out and find someone (a friend, a mentor, a coach, a GIRL) who will hold you ACCOUNTABLE. Start small, build confidence and habit, and before you know it, you have snowballed enough positive action to blast yourself out of your slump.

    Let me know how things go. Good luck!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. There's your answer... Advice doesn't work, application of said advice is the thing that works.

    The answer is simple, you don't want it bad enough. You can hate me or yourself for this, but all the hatred isn't gonna do your work for you. You gotta get up and start doing it one by one.

    If you don't start working, you will never be improving and this vicious cycle will keep going on and on.
     
    HegHeu and Deleted Account like this.
  7. Vent your problems and tell us for what reason you are lazy and what this laziness is stopping you from doing.
     
  8. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to be honest and I just want you to hear me out. Same goes for others who come across this message.

    Seeking out motivational reasons to achieve success won't do you any justice. I tried for several years to do what you're doing and none of it helped me. I sat for hours watching YouTube videos convincing myself to just follow through with the content and everything will work out. What a load of crap I told to myself. I wasn't ready. I didn't trust myself that I would figure things out someday. So what did I do? I learned to trust my gut.

    A friend of mine told me this about a month ago and I really resonated with it. You are on nobody else's timetable but your own. Don't feel left out because others are doing things you feel you should be doing. Why? Everybody has skeletons in their closet. And the people who you talked about partying and going to sleepovers were no strangers to it. But what can set you apart is learning to trust your gut and that someday, you will start to figure things out. That's what I did.

    You need to take the time for yourself and tune everything else out. Look internally and find out what you need to be happy and better in life. It won't be easy, but it's necessary. You're digging yourself into a hole and everyone around you including yourself is probably helping you dig further and further. Get your hands dirty and start working your way out. You'll get there.
     
    Deleted Account and Robinthehood like this.
  9. Thank you for your contribution. As you have said and what I have also done in the past and what I have done recently is saying I am going to be this way, or do something I have always wanted to but ended up wasting the time I could be doing it by watching youtube, playing a game on my phone or moving to the television and hours after being involved with one of these I wonder why I procrastinated. It's weird and uncomfortable, It's really weird.

    I was going to add how my mind has instantly changed and I am now intending to pursue everything I want in life but that is bullshit. I feel today is the day but we all know this is a process and what I do for the rest of the day as well as if this driven sense of responsibility will take me to the next day and the next and the next. It is day one
     
  10. I have seen you in two posts and find everything you say to be very true and carry's a lot of factual information. Please, if you have anything else to mention I'd admire if you did so. Thank you
     
  11. Clintgr8

    Clintgr8 Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly how u feel bro. I feel like that too. Write down my goals but no motivation to get it started you know, I keep saying I'll change but I'm not.
     
  12. '' I am not trying hard enough and I need some motivational reasons to really go for that success ''

    How can you not try hard enough , what you are trying being you ? just as if you had to be more than yourself ?

    And if you think it throught you would realize that you are just like a cloud in the sky. ( And as Alan watts used to say - Have you ever seen a cloud missshapen ? ).

    I want you to consider something , let's say that human being are PART of nature , no different from a plant , a cloud , water.
    In this environnement - Nature human being will thrive just like tree. And be the full expression of themself. ( because we have years and years of adaption with our environnement , temperature , light (don't make you think of something ? blue light from computer that disturb melatonin production) , gravity and so on ... )

    But what is it all about today ? Well i believe that the environnement shape us BUT that we are also able to shape ourself with the tools we create. ( famous quotes : We become what we behold. We shape our tools , and thereafter our tools shape us)

    To put it like this , i link the problem of P with an excessive production of dopamine. ( i think the danger lies here - AND also it create bad posture .. and your body posture is for me as MUCH as important as your psychology. It's an essential key to be yourself)
    This overload the system of pleasure and make it less sensitive (just like any addiction ) , causing depression and so on - ( think about that )

    Lastly i would like to share the discription of pictures that came to my mind.

    The first one is like a little tree or grass that would be bind , with some sort of black tarpauli - canvas - tissue.
    And the second one
    Is seeing nature surpass this obstacle , taking back it's right back - in order world seeing this little tree rip of the black tarpauli , canvas , tissue as he grow.

    And either if for you this little tree CAN or CAN'T rip off the tarpauli - black plastic , it doesn't matter go rip it off yourself because you are not a tree. And you will start to grow accordinly. ( well there will be other obstacle , like idea - belief witch are bascially tools to express ourself , and because of our environnement like your job , computer , television , media and so on.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2019

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