Wife accepts my PA?

I don’t think your crazy for wondering. I’d wonder too .
In my situation of 23 years I don’t pick over his life , just the parts that effect me . Most PA are actually seeking SECRECY not PRIVACY , my husband included.
Ok so I’m thinking about what you wrote ..... How long have you actually been together /married ? Is your wife in a “fair” marriage ? ( could she go out with other men and you’ll be unaffected)
There’s not a whole lot of SO’s on here that seem to be in the same boat as your wife ( apathetic to a small degree ) until we are fed up with the immaturity and selfishness of it all . If she’s apathetic to what you do , there’s got to be a reason , right ? Or maybe not . My best gf is almost non sexual from early sexual abuse, she can take it or leave it but would rather leave it , so I highly doubt she’d care about porn , other women more likely . Or she very well could be stuffing it and suffering in silence and isolation. Or she has rose colored glasses on ( I’ve worn them ) . I’m sure she loves you , to what extent only she knows , unless you have THE DEEP INTIMATE conversation it may stay that way ? Sorry , just answering what you asked

 

Its very simple. Could be a few reasons.

1. She may love you but is not in love with you and therefore could care less what you do or if you find her attractive.
2. She sees you as a mate and "friend" only
3. She is or has also cheated on you too.
4. She is secretly in a world of pain (which is doubtful)

Laughing and having fun and inside jokes do not make a marriage or relationship great or fun. There is no real love in your relationship NONE.. nor attraction.
Big deal you spent a whole hour in bed and laughed, that means nothing, especially when they're 24hrs in a day.

Listen this is the answer- you said:
She doesn't care if you want her sexually
She doesn't care if you initiate sex
She doesnt care if you have a PA
She doesnt care if you find her attractive
She may or may not know about your affairs and doesn't ask...

Can you not see? She is honestly probably not attracted to you either and not in love with you.

You can only experience betrayal trauma when you trust someone.

Also you say you aren't miserable then what do you define as happy?

You aren't attracted to her
You don't sexually want her
You clearly arent in love with her
You have a PA
You have had multiple affairs
You have zero respect for her

Are you happy because she does not care? And you get to have a PA addiction and cheat when you want and not be asked? What is happy about a relationship that is full of lies, secrets and filth and lacks true love?
And you want to bring another baby into this?

 

She's your mommy, and you're her ATM.

And you wonder why other women would be unhappy in this scenario?

 

I think this says things about you and about her that are not easily answered.

As you write, you make it sound like 'all is ok in the world', but deep down.. you wrote all that for a reason.

Your moral compass is screaming to you. Listen to it, it will give you all the answers you need, you know that already in your heart. But you are hoping to somehow get out from underneath that feeling of an empty pit inside your heart. And likely hoping for someone to confirm to you that 'Hey if your wife thinks it's OK then it's fine.'.

I don't have a wife anymore. Due to my PMO addiction. That's the inevitable end for your family, according to statistics.

If you are asking for suggestions.. full 100% honesty and disclosure towards yourself and then towards your wife might be a first step for you.

 

Can’t tell too much from this post. I find it unusual you have pied and girlfriends. I have had them too for about 5-6 years but to my knowledge I have not uncovered pied.

As for whether it’s a regular marriage —not by most vanilla -American moral standards no. But in many conservative countries and cultures in the world yes. Especially the predominantly catholic ones ... mistresses are common and socially included in soap operas, movies, and regular culture. There’s an order for it...

I see your perplexity on reading the SO posts in nofap and I can relate too in a sense. Some of the stuff shows how PA can be incredibly vulnerable with their partners. But there’s a lot of premises in our culture that doesn’t translate always in many places in the world or other cultures so I want to speak to that. We believe in equal rights for women so thus their opinion matters (and should).

What if a women thought her place was to be subservient to the man no matter what? Lots of “medical professionals” come to the US from cultures that do not challenge the male dominance. I have a few friends in church who have this kind of tribal loyalty that makes no sense to me as an American but it’s absolutely how they are raised.

There’s entire contingents that could care less about the female perspective (generally speaking) and thus the feedback and behavior from women who already know their opinion is going to be marginalized in an otherwise patriarchal society is relatively quiet or tepidly hushed.

I know I don’t share a lot with my wife about my girlfriends except that I am working on it or I miss it sometimes. there’s a fine line between honesty and cruelty when you still have more questions than answers.

So from my point of view ...

How big is the list of things you DONT talk about ?

Some of the journal entries I read of guys in here show me I have a ton of work to get to where I can be as vulnerable as they write. To me it’s sappy, mushy, icky, “boogerish” boohoo stuff... but I have to admit that to the women that hear it—it spells honesty , vulnerability and deep connection . Even when theirs tremendous pain connected to it.

Bravo for sharing. There’s not many of folks like you here, but you aren’t alone friend. I would ask... How many is enough in your opinion ?

I find it turns me into an emotion-addict that is super anxious. It’s different from pmo in many ways but they share some vital parts of the brain.

I have managed 2, 3 at a time but binging takes me to 10. I hate it. Not like hate it with all my might unfortunately ... but i do hate how it takes away my boundaries and self control.

Do you ever feel like that?

 

Your failure to consider that what’s good for the gander might have been good for the goose is absolutely adorable.