getting back into dating, talking to girls.

What you want to know?

 

my biggest struggle is approaching women everywhere-malls, clubs, bars, etc.. approaching is my biggest hurdle. i got so many limiting beliefs and i dont believe women want me. which sort of creates a similar reality for me. i pay a pickup coach, and he pushes me to approach. but after our session, i go back to not approaching and having battles with myself. i dunno what to do with myself sometimes. surprised i managed to do NOFAP for this long...

 

i guess i have a big ego and really care what people think of me. i dunno. i am afraid i will die alone because i can't force myself to do the work necessary to get success in the dating field.

 

If it was me, I’d sign up for a couple dance classes, or a singles social club that does stuff like goes for hikes.

 

Ive been struggling with the same thing so its great that we can talk about this.

Im watching a dutch guy who has had more then 1k girls in his life. The things he learned me are really good and I invested alot of time into it.
I can say i did improve with girls for 5% but im still affraid. Its so sad that only the part of being affraid takes so much fun away in my life.

Its the dumbest idea cause I dont want to be alone, im affraid of being rejected but I did not even try to talk to a girl to give her the chance to reject me.

This guy i watch tells you to just talk to girls on the street, go to them tell them you think they cute and talk with them.
I did not try it because in my mind I think this girl is going to say stuff like, hell no you are ugly, or are you crazy, or something like this.

Ive watched alot of ted talks about self confidence and all things that fit my stuff. Its good to look at those things to give you more understanding on how the brain works.


We are not good at talking to girls because we do not practice talking to girls. Practice makes perfect they say right?

 

I'm no expert when it comes to women. But what I do know how to do is have a good conversation. If you want to have a conversation with a girl you're interested and you're "new to the game", don't start out cold. Start out in a setting or with a conversation you and the other girl already know about. I'll give an example.

In my other post, I talked about enlisting in the Marines. I had to go through MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station). During these long hours, I chatted with a group of guys, but also a few girls. Some of them pretty cute I shall say. What made it easy to have conversations with others is that we're all in the same boat and waiting for MEPS to be over so we can get on with the next steps in the military.

I think being at MEPS really helped me start and engage in conversations with others. And this is coming from someone who is a career introvert. So if you're not RSD Max or Tyler, don't go into cold conversations. Go into warm conversations (and save yourself some money along with that).

Overall there's really no tricks or secrets. I saw @Baduser mention above about practice. And honestly... that's the truth. But my message overall is the best advice I can give.

 

Best way to meet women and do something good for your body.

Talk casually about everything, and build connections with humor.

The rest will come naturally.

 

Most people will give you superficial tricks/tips/strategies to improve your interactions with women.

Your limiting beliefs and conditioning are ruining your "game".

Change your perception about how you view the things you are about to do and the results will be drastically improved.

If you want to approach a women because you feel attracted to her body, you will be lost.
Why? Because you already put her on a pedestal.

Feel their energy, and approach people (not just girls) who have the right energy.

When you start doing it that way, you don't do it for the "body", you do it for a much deeper reason.

Human interaction is all about energy exchange.

 

I'm interested in the details of your dating coach. Been thinking about it but not sure. Are you willing to give the details here or via PM? I'm wondering about your thoughts about the whole thing.

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I'm having a big mental block right now. I just can't start a conversation with single women. Women that are attached I have no problem with starting a conversation. I started a nice conversation with a married woman I'd seen often at the climbing gym a couple days ago. (I have no thoughts of committing adultery or trying to steal someone's girlfriend). We chatted for several minutes and she encouraged me on a climb that was harder for me than usual. It was a nice interaction.

I guess it's the no stress aspect of talking to attached women, it's simply not there. But if the woman is single I get tongued tied, brain freeze, and at a loss of words. Sounds stupid but it's how it is right now. It's very frustrating and I'm really bummed out about it right now. I'm starting to feel hopeless I'll ever find someone, a 52yo man with zero skills to meet single women.

But I'll keep trying.

 

I want to talk to girls too. There is one thing that girls love the most: confidence! Love yourself first. Forget about 'em. These are my thoughts.

 

My argument is that you don't really need dating/social coaches. You can teach yourself with knowledge out there on this forum, other forums, and YouTube. Or get out there and approach women yourself. My biggest tip is to do it in a setting that you're already comfortable with. My previous post in this thread is where I went more in-depth into it. Better to do a warm approach instead of a cold approach.

 

yes. it's Dan / Badboy > https://badboylifestyle.com

my point was, despite which coach i pay money to. he helps me in the moment but my limiting beliefs stay with me after he leaves. but Dan is a damn good coach i'll tell you that.

 

Thanks for the info.

 

not all guys are like this, but a minority. many if not most guys need an actual coach to teach them infield. prob is, once the coach leaves we tend to go back to our lives not approaching at all...

 

That's because those people need a coach to validate them selves and their actions. That's not entirely needed. At the end of the day, the only person who will truly validate you is you.

I understand guys out there need coaches. And that's okay. But don't be surprised if you go back into a slump after the coach leaves. It's on you to step it up.

I'm sharing my experience because I think it can help others. Especially if they don't want to stick to these cold approaches.