OCD IS TERRIBLE

I'm tired of this shit. I've been diagonised with OCD at the clinic, my mom drove me there because I had rage with depression. And this is not only about the story below.

I'm obsessed with a girl I "broke up with" after I rejected her, I made a big deal about something. She was an online acquaintance I flirted with. Now we don't talk anymore and I don't want to add her back like I did, I removed her because she became an obsession. I suffered from heart broken for weeks. Now my impulses are driving me nuts.

I have fucking impulses to check her profile every 5 minutes, I can't stop thinking about her or what she could've said to me in the past. Her face, the pics she sent me. I keep seeing her in the common friends we have she talks to. Torture.

I've been a suicidal guy for 1-2 years because I felt like a loser, now because of this story I can't let a girl go in my mind, I feel even stupider. I'm on medication but it doesn't seem to work very efficiently... Even a month of NoFap didn't help much so far. (8 years addict btw)

What should I do? No way I keep torturing my mind like this. I was thinking controling my impulses until the desire fades away, but it's so hard when you have "triggers" that reminds you of what you don't want to think about.

I've been trying hypnosis against it, I don't know it would've been worse without.

Fuck man...

 

The only way I could do it without taking a complete break is simply ignoring everything that is not supposed to interest me.

I believe this is what normal persons do since they don't find the urge to check every profiles/friends lists like I do.

 

Honestly buddy, I'm not sure but I would say I don't love her. I've never been that close to a girl before, and this had to start with an IVL relationship. Had to break up because the distance was too painful and affecting my reboot. Never got the chance to see her, she didn't want or didn't feel ready idk.

It's the first time a girl sent me pics, found interest in me, made me feel confident. It's like I found hope back after years but nope... I usually don't hang around much woman, I'm socially distant with people and abnormally anxious.

 

It's an interesting suggestion but my father is completly clueless about how relationships work nowadays. He never really explained me that kind of things.

@IbrahimViking Thanks for that suggestion, I've been depressed for long so I struggle to be ok with anything I do now. But fair enough I'll let it be ok & hopefully it'll pass with days. When I think about it it's more like I have developped these bad habbits of being way too curious about people. Now that I'm trying to control myself I feel a bit better. It's because I never got truly aware there are things I can ignore, always felt curious about crap that is none of my concern. I just hope it'll naturally go away with awareness and new habits. I'll just let go as much as possible.

 

@IbrahimViking Thank you again, this is really interesting and helpful. I've tried so many times being harder with myself but it only made it worse. I have to stay focus on what's important while being my own best friend.

@Roady I have unfulfilled needs indeed... The first thing that comes to my mind is back in the highschool days when I wanted to make friends, have a girlfriend, exciting life... but I kept failing so much at it because I was seeking attention too hard so I stayed on my computer all day. I regret my teenhood, I've learn so much from it but along with the years I developped a strong social anxiety.
My dad was not the talking type, never really taught me how to make good jokes and connect with people. He was an administrative person taking care of things I should've done myself, he was helpful but hardly understanding peoples emotions.