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Withdrawal Symptoms. My story.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by donewithporn1002, Oct 3, 2019.

  1. Oct 3, 2019 #1
    donewithporn1002

    donewithporn1002 Fapstronaut

    17
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    Hi,

    I've been excessively masturbating for years, both with and without porn. I watched porn heavily, and masturbated between 2 - 10 times a day for about 12 years. Not always 10, but generally around 3 - 4 times per day.

    I accidentally stumbled onto NoFap, it was never my intention, I just knew I masturbated to much, and wanted to challenge myself for a month because my balls were getting sore from too much masturbation.

    I successfully abstained hardmode for 75 days at first. Here is what I felt.

    First 60 days.

    - Porn flashbacks in my mind
    - Urges, which I could mentally control
    - Felt pretty good actually, I didn't have any of the bad withdrawal symptoms people talk about anxiety, depression, shakes, feeling nauseous etc..
    - Felt strong mentally, because I was able to dismiss urges in my mind.
    - I did experience a bit of flatline, but I found NoFap forums and what they say about flatlines(which is that it's normal) and I wasn't concerned at all.
    - Felt a lot more compassion and love with others, especially family.
    - Started becoming emotional and soft

    ( all these symptoms, I wasn't worried about)

    When 60 days hit though......

    -Started becoming very emotional, started crying over things I've done in the past. How my past has unfolded. Becoming very remorseful, placid, caring, mature, soft.

    then...
    All these negative thoughts about past experiences eg. when I was a teenager I had unprotected sex when I was drunk, I panicked from anxiety and thought I had HIV, got tested and I didn't.. and although I knew I didn't my mind this time round somehow convinced me that I 'may have' when I recently slept with another girl without protection, I knew she would be clean but my mind immediately went back to my past teenage experience and concinvinced me that I might have HIV or some other kind of STD. Anyway I got tested to shut my mind up, as I subconsciously knew I didn't have anything, but my mind was still panicking. The results were negative 100% clean from any STD. The stress of being tested, getting a blood test bought back past mental stress i experienced when I was younger, and cause me to relapse after 75 days because I thought it would bring relief.

    I binge relapsed, excessively back to old habit, maybe 3-4 times a day with porn. Then after a while I felt like shit. Anxiety, about past shit I've done like 9 years ago (eg. all the bad things i've done when I was younger, felt guilty, ashamed of drunken sexual experiences when I was a teenager, remorseful) kept coming to my mind. And playing over and over and I just kept thinking and thinking about it. Driving myself crazy.

    I'm now on day 6 after my binge relapse, because I know that when I masturbate to porn then I will feel like shit. over the past 6 days, I have felt a relentless increase in anxiety, ( mainly about the past worries, things I can't control, and that I know I can't control, yet I still worry) a little bit of depression, but that I think is because of the anxiety. Feeling spaced out, agitated, with a short fuse, Stressed, Hand shakes/tremors, feeling nauseous, waking up with anxiety (feel it in stomach), not wanting to be awake just wanting to close my eyes and sleep because it was peaceful and not stressful, fatigue, had one night where I woke up dripping in sweat, not wanting to talk to anyone just want to be alone and think everything out. It's fucked.

    I'm going through a tough time at the moment mentally, I never really thought that I had a porn addiction, masturbating/porn was just so normal. I was actually happy watching porn, and masturbating. I wasn't depressed or anxious about it in particular, I got anxious over other things.. but not porn. but I'm finally ready to stop this habit, so that when I get a girlfriend I won't be dependant on porn, and now that I found NoFap and I'm ready all this stuff about porn/exessive masturbation, I've had an awakening and I find coming on here therapeutic because I can relate to common things that happen when you stop the addiction
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2019
    donewithporn1002, Oct 3, 2019
    donewithporn1002, Oct 3, 2019
    #1
    Jefe Rojo, ChandlerBing_3 and Indurian like this.
  2. Oct 3, 2019 #2
    bobjames127

    bobjames127 Fapstronaut

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    Hey hang in there. More and more people are experiencing difficult withdrawal symptoms, and I feel more information needs to be given to this topic. What you described as feeling generally good during the first 60 days makes total sense. I've been doing NoFap for a while. I thought I was doing well going on 2 week to 30 day NOFAP runs, but what I've realized, as have you, is that during these runs neither of us actually flatlined. Flatlining for me is literally like a ton of bricks coming down. I've experience intense anxiety on and off for one month now, followed by OCD-like thoughts that at times have been difficult to cope with. Basically your addiction served a purpose in your construction of self and general health. It probably allowed you to deal with some anxieties. I know for me, I started masturbating to cope with a fear of not being able to sleep. And then started masturbating to cope with various negative feelings, lack of attention from woman, lack of fulfillment in my life etc. And much of this is very deep rooted. What I find most fascinating about NOFAP, and what convinces me that this is real, is the amount of memories (suppressed?) that surface when I go on a long streak. It's absolutely amazing. I mean detailed specific moments in your life from years ago. And it physically feels like the memories are occurring in parts of your brain that are new or that you haven't felt in sometime. It's really something else. My guess, is that these are suppressed memories and perhaps there is something to be gained from experiencing them? All I can say is that NoFap is a serious process. Sure, you have psychology today attacking it, but look at the sheer volume of men who have tried this and the symptoms they are experiencing are legitimate drug-like withdrawals. Keep going man, it will get better. You will have 4 good days, then 3 bad ones, then one good week and one bad week. The change is not linear at all.
     
    bobjames127, Oct 3, 2019
    bobjames127, Oct 3, 2019
    #2
    donewithporn1002 and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Oct 4, 2019 #3
    donewithporn1002

    donewithporn1002 Fapstronaut

    17
    12
    3
    Thanks very much for the support, I agree, it's a very serious process. How are you going with your withdrawals?
     
    donewithporn1002, Oct 4, 2019
    donewithporn1002, Oct 4, 2019
    #3
  4. Oct 4, 2019 #4
    Jefe Rojo

    Jefe Rojo Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    Hang in there. I have dealt with withdrawals many times and I can tell you that they will eventually go away as long as you can keep from relapsing. Your brain wants that dopamine more than anything. After 75 days without it, you binged because your brain couldn’t get enough of it. It’s like eating after fasting. You gorge yourself because it’s been so long since you last ate, to the point where you make yourself sick. So now that you are starting a new streak your mind is panicking and craves the dopamine again. Be patient, it will get better as you resist. I know how horrible it is, I had all of the same symptoms as you. You just need to find a way to get through the next 3-4 weeks. Each day is different. You might be experiencing bad withdrawals today and tomorrow you might not feel anything. Be patient and try not to despair. You can do it! :)
     
    Jefe Rojo, Oct 4, 2019
    Jefe Rojo, Oct 4, 2019
    #4

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