Would you do anything to be free?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Carbon Icon, Oct 5, 2019.

  1. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Yes? No?

    I see so many people on here who say they are desperate to quit and will never use porn again but then don't take the most basic of steps to actually making quitting more likely. Change is uncomfortable sometimes and requires sacrifice.

    Would you do the following to be free?

    1 Get rid of your smartphone - get a dumbphone
    2 Remove internet from your home - only use it in public spaces
    3 Get rid of video games - they feed the dopamine surge, crash, crave cycle
    4 Go to therapy - deal with your shit and grow
    5 Go to a support group - 12 step or something similar
    6 Exercise - at least a little bit each day

    Set yourself up for success.
     
  2. I think we do need to take measures but I don't agree those are for everyone. Nice idea in theory though.
     
  3. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    Why not?
     
  4. I got rid of my phone and got a flip phone. So now i only use the internet at the library. And hell no i ain't gonna look at porn at the public library. Get arrested or something.
     
  5. Yellowknife

    Yellowknife Fapstronaut

    I personally believe putting on blinders only helps so much.

    Some of us, for example, require a smart phone to do our jobs.

    What it boils down to though is that sexual content is all around you. An alcoholic cannot tell the world to stop drinking or hide every time a bottle of beer is out there. Sooner or later you have to face reality that it's out there and you have to be stronger than it. There are other ways to retrain your brain, and I feel that doing what I call a horse blinder approach actually sets you up for relapse more than it helps.

    If you cannot survive being in the same room as a substance, or habit you are trying to quit you are doomed to failure because sooner or later you will be involuntarily exposed to it and relapse. In order to be successful at quitting something, the first part is building up your brain to be strong enough to do it. I think part of the reason so many people believe they require things like porn blockers, or removal of temptation via their phone is that they genuinely don't realize how strong they actually are as people.

    This is why I say sometimes people are not ready to quit masturbating yet. So, do something else in your life first. Quit three other bad habits. Eat less sugar, or go for a walk every day, or read a book a bit every day. Show your brain and your body that you can want to do something to make a difference in your life, then take that confidence and build from it.

    One person's method is not for everyone, of course. I just firmly believe for example, as someone quitting marijuana after a 2.5g a day habit... if I am going to salivate and want to relapse every time I smell marijuana I'll never successfully quit. So, I haven't banned it from our house. My wife and tenant still indulge once and awhile.

    Some may say I am foolish, but I think this builds strength of character. That is what you need to quit something -- an understanding of your own willpower and just how potent the mind can be.

    My current numbers:

    Artificial Sweeteners: 22 Days
    NoFap: 22 days
    Caffeine: 24 Days
    Energy Drinks: 24 Days
    Marijuana: 30 Days
    Refined Sugar: 38 Days
    Soda: 51 Days

    Notice I staggered this?

    I realized after I quit a 2 litre a day soda habit I was strong enough to do more. I built on that.

    I would have never tried to quit PMO before starting this process... but here I am, 22 almost 23 days in and no relapse.
     
  6. Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    For sure everyone will have to face temptation sooner or later, but why have it present in your home all the time? Your just making it more difficult than it needs to be. Especially at the beginning when it's so much more difficult.

    Everybody thinks they "need" their smartphone but most people don't.
     
  7. Discouraged

    Discouraged Fapstronaut

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    about 20 times, i didn't just get rid of the internet

    i threw my computer in the trash and it really worked. one time i think it worked for 6 months.

    that's the craziest thing is, even if you go 6 months, it never goes away, i mean , eventually i would go buy another computer,the damn things are so cheap.

    i'd get rid of internet about , 20 times, too and i'd go a month or two, til i'm absolutely bored out of my mind and get internet again.

    the ONLY solution i could ever almost achieve, was to get to point where my mind would reach 'critical mass' and i could focus on a task with passion. this state of mind, is analogous to the erectile state, this is 'nirvana' or 'enlightenment', that's what all these people are seeking

    and it is more than just ability to concentrate, this is the state of mind where one is completely in self possession. they are 'unconscious'. by unconscious i mean there is no effort to be conscious.

    this state where one has ability, to achieve erection at will. but choses not to.

    is that state of mind, where one is chosing to live, rather than chosing to die
     
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  8. TheCalm

    TheCalm Fapstronaut

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    The recurring things I notice in people, like myself, with PMO problems are a lack of direction. That “direction” being an overarching purpose. If you’re not moving yourself, your subconscious self and hormones will. The subconscious is the basis for compulsive behavior, and that paired with the lingering desires you feel is what leads to a relapse - if it isn’t consistently reinforced that the compulsive behavior is no longer an option.

    Before attempting to overcome an addiction, I would strongly recommend finding a long term goal that your passionate about and putting your focus on that. You also want to identify the reasons why that goal would be made much harder if you didn’t give up the addiction.


    That being said, the point is: it isn’t about your environment, as much as it is the focus on something you perceive as precious, and far more important then your sexual appeasement.
     
  9. Nanni

    Nanni Fapstronaut

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    This is precisely what I would do. I don't care about videogames, I just play one of them with friends once upon a time. My therapy is Nofap, and I keep on going like that, since in nofap I found a lot of support. Sometimes I just used internet in public places and I tried to get rid of it from my smartphone, but since I found that things became too complicated because of my job, I'm just learning by myself how to use it correctly
     
  10. Discouraged

    Discouraged Fapstronaut

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    this idiotic faith in 'therapy'

    most likely what you need is an exorcist.

    this world is spiritual war zone, there are sadistic , craven entities stalking you everywhere you go.

    i lived in one of most christian nice sanest areas on the planet and the devil managed to push me out of it and now i am completely fucked
     
  11. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    What a great topic, I love that we're discussing this. I think I can answer the question pretty clearly for myself. Part of how I can be confident I know what I would say to this is that I have tried all six things listed in the op and then some. Before being kept off of pm+ I also tried never showering naked and hurting myself when I would masturbate. I also thought getting married would stop me for various reasons and I tried an exhausting list of life/stress management regimes. Never made a dent but it is really easy for humans to see patterns where there might but be any the difference between six days and ten days was so huge for me that I chased a lot of wild gooses. I even had one time that I said to myself that I would kill myself instead of pm+ and one night during that time I felt like I was close to actually going back to pm+ so I went to the kitchen and put the butcher knife against my wrist. I don't think I was that serious, and there's a lot more to the story but one key message is that living is harderi thought I was being brave and committed but I was looking for an easy way out. Now I put my continued freedom ahead of my wife and kids by spending more time on it than on them, and ahead of my work by spending most of my day on things like this and trying to help others get freedom. And I can point to a lot of decisions over the last 2,401 days, times I wanted to get my way and consciously let that go in favor of what would help me happily not have to use pm+ like a drug. And I'm very glad to have met people who are the same way, just as committed and taking the same contrary actions.
     
  12. 1 and 3 are unrealistic. Like @Yellowknife said, some jobs require judging a phone. Some people need a phone to talk to their families
    Also video games in moderation are healthy.
     
  13. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Oh I forgot a couple really important things, the most important one first: this isn't a competition. Thinking in terms of " person A has X days, person B has Y days, if X>Y then A>B" is an insidious trap. It is definitely much more helpful to focus only on myself and what will make me most happy. I did not think I would be more happy without pm+ than with it but I thought I should stop pm+ and I went at it hammer and tongs but then I started to get a glimpse of a life without pm+ being actually happier, not better in the moral or any other sense just really happier. It helps that I learned more about what happiness is, I always thought it was pleasure and esteem and things like that alloyed together. I was like an alchemist trying to make gold out of other elements. I mentioned I was looking for an easier way and I found it. It takes almost none of my physical resources but almost all of the rest of me (of course I'm assuming that that this human is more than a body and I don't mean to push ideas if it's not that way for you that's your truth, no need to even consider my opinion). That's a good deal, I bet my life on it every day. But the biggest thing I've had to give up is my ideas. The time spent is a product of the joy of release, not something I do to force or earn days without pm+, out of the freedom I get so happy that I want to spend that time that way.
     
  14. Quoowahb

    Quoowahb Fapstronaut

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    I used to go on water fasts because it would be easier to abstain from PMO while I gave up food and live entirely on water. I've completed ten 40-day water-only fasts and numerous shorter water-only fasts. Unfortunately, three or four years ago fasting quit working for me. Now I'm taking anti-addictive medication and it seems to be helping.
     
  15. Practicing self control did the trick for me. I took my accountability for my actions and started doing the things which matter to me. :) No drastic and temporary measures were used.
     
  16. again

    again Fapstronaut
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    I like your thought process.
     

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