Addicted to PMO for 8 years. Addiction recently escalated to cybersex.

Hello everyone! I am a 22 year-old male and have been addicted to PMO for 8 years. To give you an overview of how I addicted I am, I fapped almost on a daily basis for the entire 8 years(at least 90% of the total days). I would fap 2-3x on a given day and had days where I even fapped more.

The problems that I have experienced with PMO addiction are weaker erections and Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction. To maintain an erection, I would need to have my penis constantly stimulated. I could only keep it up without touching for around 10 seconds. I was in a relationship for 2 years during my late teens but the Addiction and ED never became an issue because my ex and I would only engage in sexual activities other than penetration itself(due to religious beliefs, if that’s relevant). Other than my past relationship, I never had any sexual interactions/relationships with other women.

My taste towards porn never actually escalated or changed for the past 8 years and I never tried watching kinky porn or stuff that is opposite to my sexual orientation. Even though the type of porn that I watched never escalated, my medium for pornographic material did. During late August, I tried a random chat website just for decent fun. Later on, I realized that cybersex was possible in this site. My initial encounters started as sex chats, I was never this excited about porn before. I guess it was due to the anonymity and the fact that it was interactive compared to conventional porn. Then I found girls who were willing to do phone sex and even video call sex. I instantly got hooked in a week. Later on, I would only exclusively find girls for video call sex.

The excitement really got me hooked. I would sometimes spend the whole day trying to find cybersex partners. The excitement and thrill would build up but the emptiness that I would feel after orgasming would automatically negate the thrill and excitement. I found women who were even willing to hook up. I had around 4 opportunities to hook up but ended up backing out every time. This was mainly due to the fear and possibility that my cybersex addiction would actually escalate to sex addiction and I know that deep down inside, I’m not into hookups or casual sex. And I also know for a fact that I couldn’t bear the emptiness that I would feel afterwards. (already felt overpowering emptiness from cybersex)

I have never felt so low in my entire life. I am utterly disgusted about myself and that’s why I decided to seek help here and to make myself accountable. I would want to regain a healthy view on sex. I am now considering hard mode and would plan to do this indefinitely. I wouldn’t mind giving up PMO(I know it’s not that easy) and only have sex and other sexual activities with a future partner.

I have already read about the side effects and withdrawal effects of NoFap such as flatline, uncontrollable urges and more. So I already know what to expect on the difficult side.

What I would want to know more based on your personal experiences:

1. What are the most notable benefits(super powers) that I can gain from NoFap that makes all the effort worthwhile?
2. What are the best ways to fight the overpowering urges to relapse? (Especially when you have a lot of free time)
3. What can I do to make this as successful as possible?
4. What are some negative effects that one can experience during PMO addiction? (I’m asking this question because weak erections and PIED are the only effects that I can associate for myself. I want to know if I have experienced any other problems that I didn’t know were caused by my addiction)
5. Is there anything else I should know about NoFap?

Thank you fapstronauts for taking the time to read and answer. Wish me all the best!

EDIT: I don't know if my cybersex engagement would actually be considered as an "addiction" since I've only spent around 21 days(not often continuous) since I started (It's been around 45 days since I've discovered cybersex). Moreover, I could still fight the impulses and urges in getting into such activity. I decided to seek help here while I can still get myself out of cybersex to avoid escalating to a full-blown cybersex addict.

 

Thanks for the reply! I've had anxiety problems since puberty and I never thought that my addiction could actually be one of the causes of such problems

 

Yep also had hairfall haha. I'll look up into the challenges. Thanks for your input, Jedi Master!

 

Small Update:
Still currently in Day 0 and this is quite a concern. The fact is, I don't want to start NoFap with my last PMO adventures being cybersex. I'm still disgusted about myself as to why I did that. I really feel shit because of that. Before I start, I would want to de-escalate my pornographic medium back to normal porn. I know that a relapse along the journey is quite inevitable, and that if ever I would relapse in the future, I would want it at least to be for normal porn and not cybersex. I know it sounds unreasonable, but I was actually able to de-escalate a few weeks ago. I started cybering last week of August, then I stopped cybering around the start of the 2nd week of September. I was back to PMO(normal porn) for 3 weeks after that. I only relapsed to cybering because I still went to the random chat site. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be there again but only for decent discussions. This actually worked for 3 weeks! but I ended up talking with a woman who tempted me and started cybering again last October 1.

My Plan:
1. De-escalate my porn medium(from cyber to normal porn) and avoid 100% the random chat site.
2. Make sure that I only PMO once a day before I start NoFap. I'm planning to do this for 7 days or less
3. Start hard NoFap(Cold turkey)

 

I think it’s more on the issue of my cybersex addiction. I really don’t know how to measure the self-disgust and shame that I am feeling due to engaging in cybersex. When I was only addicted to PMO, it never really took that much of my time. I never went so far as to go home as quickly as possible just to get it done. It also never occupied and pre-occupied my thoughts that much compared to cybersex. When I got hooked to cybersex, there were days(only around 4) that I spent the whole day looking for partners to videocall with.

My point is, my cybersex experience haunts me in a way that makes me feel sick about myself. When it comes to the sexual gratification, I think porn and cybersex are just the same. But it differs when you consider that cybersex has the interaction and “emotional connection” that makes the build up even more exciting. I was serious when I said that PMO got me off the hook from cybersex for 3 weeks. It made me realize that engaging in cybersex is not just a substitution for porn, but rather a gateway to a more life-impairing addiction(maybe even sex addiction).

Doing restricted PMO(once a day) for a few days before going Hard NoFap does not mean that I seek for the “last binge” concept. I want to do this because I believe that if worse comes to worst(relapse), there’s a big chance that I would just pick up where I left off. And I would really rather leave off from porn rather than cybersex(getting my brain to think that porn is the only extreme option again for relapse).

Thanks for hearing me out again!

 

I was actually able to unhook myself from cybersex for 3 weeks before relapsing by reverting to PMO. Opposite from you, It's easier for me rationalize my way into porn compared to cybersex. I just feel that even though the excitement that cybersex brings is quite exponential compared to porn, the guilt, shame, and emptiness that it brings are also overbearing(this is from a personal view).

Small Update: Still in Day 0. Only fapped to porn once for today(It's kind of a step up at least, since I can't remember the last time that I fapped only once and for the fact that I've been in the house all day).

 

I guess you're right. It's just that the guilt, shame, and disgust that I'm feeling right now from my cybersex experience is so overbearing. I really feel that I've hit rock bottom. Even the thought that I considered having real sex with some of my cybersex partners (again, I backed out each time) makes me feel so disgusted about myself. I can't handle the fact I've objectify women to this extent. I know that deep inside I'm not that kind of person yet I've done things to this extent. I'm feeling all this negative feelings right now and i haven't even started yet. Right now, all I can think of to lighten the negative feelings is to revert to PMO with restriction before I go cold turkey. I really don't like that my last experience before NoFap would be my cyber experience. That's why I'm considering to reverting first(with restrictions). I really f**kin hate myself.

 

I'll try to look into that. Thanks!

It bothers me because I’ve always known myself to be sociosexually-restricted (type of person who prefers meaningful and intimate sex (sex with a gf/wife) and does not prefer sexual setups like Hook ups, ONS, FWB, and FUBU) and I can attest to that because I know the feeling of being sexual with someone you love. I noticed that during my cybering sessions, I would prefer “role-playing” in a gf-bf setup(with sweet talks and endearments) which would only reinforce my sociosexually-restricted personality. Other things that reinforced such personality were: the guilt and emptiness I felt, the fact that I don’t cyber with multiple women at the same time, the fact that I would wait a day before moving on to the next “intimate partner”(cybersex partners that I’ve had a connection with), and also the fact that I desired to find an exclusive cybersex partner in the final days of my cybering.

The one thing that bothered me the most was when I considered hooking up with some of them. This bothers me because if I pushed through with hooking up, then I would be going against with the beliefs and principles that I’ve always held dear even until now(my sociosexually-restricted personality).

I despise PMO addiction for this reason. It can escalate your addiction to the point that you’d be doing things that you would have never consider doing if you weren’t addicted. I even read that some addicts would have new fetishes due to PMO addiction, and that they would never even have such fetishes if they weren’t addicted in the first place.

Can you please tell me more about this? Thanks!

 

Thanks! I'll look into that! Also have another question, and I really hope that some of you could give me your insights.

Will NoFap allow me to have a healthy view on sex? Would it help me stop objectifying women?

That's actually the main reason why I felt so much guilt on the cybersex part. I know that if I wasn't addicted in the first place, I wouldn't even consider doing all of that: the escalation to cybersex and considering hooking up(the worst). I really know that I'm not that kind of person to begin with. I know that I'm the type of person who only prefers intimacy, longterm relationship, and meaningful sex with a significant other. I hate the fact that I was being irrational and allowed my PMO addiction to take control over me. I also hate the fact that it has led me to objectify women to this extent.

 

Wow. This actually gives me hope. Thanks!

I'm glad I was able to get out early. To anyone who is reading this thread, PLEASE DON'T ESCALATE TO CYBERSEX. DON'T EVEN CONSIDER IT.

Thanks! I'll also look into that!