Using more and more extremist fantasies to get to an O

Do not try to resist the thoughts; it is so difficult not to think about something. It is better to accept those thoughts, let them flow over you and let them dissipate. And no O, just do nothing while it happens. I once had this advice; my thoughts were not as extreme as yours but it worked for me so it may work for you.

 

Theres fetishes for everything. Your best to just let your mind clear. Wash through it. If you hook up w/ a working girl thatll only feed another fetish. Do yourself a favor- limit your computer time both phone and regular. When your mind goes there try to focus hard on another task. Get up move around. Dating is good but start slow! Your brain will be wired to f*ck. Not have sex and definitly not make love. I dated at a point and it was like an instant marathon. We wore each other out but it was obvious it wouldnt last. Like a supernova. She was amazing and all options were there. We got way too fast to early. We were a bit astonished by ourselves. Your goal should be to reclaim a "normal" for you. Nuetralize your power. Feed your brain only what you want it to crave. I have lots of friends who were in the lifestyle before and the industry as well. Things went hand in hand. No pun. Most are very great people and as friends were always around and sharing and people did care genuinly. It was normal....at that time....but not overall. I now find myself locked in a bit w/ PMO yes but also casual nsa sex. The senses overload. Many enjoy having porn on or trying this or that out...its like two bodies are not good enough or square lol... sex however became like putting on your shoes. I was a bit of a performer and had/having fun. Enjoying it. Yet it did come at a cost. Depression etc. I always loved Chris Farly as a comedian. The woman who left him before he passed said his last words were "please dont go Im so lonely". I always thought that was so sad. His last day was spent doing coke and banging escorts.... he kept pushing the limits sadly. Trying to fill something.Fetishes affect each different . Porn only invents new ones making more and more. Escorts and models follow suit to fit the demand etc..it never ends. Rewire. Clear your brain. The human brain is a super tool...it will drive pathways to places your body has no tolerance for. Not to mention society..so...No escorts . Thatll just open the door way to much.

 

You need to acceot and understand your desire. That is the key. The more you rejected it like you said would hurt you further in the long run. If you crave intimacy, do one small thing at a time. Start by trying to say HI to random girls. That is one of the small steps. Next you can say something I like your necklace where did you get it or I like your hair are they natural.... Online dating may work but dont use the free one or notoriously known one like tinder... Use one where the girls are serious too. Remember, baby steps.

 

Emotional evolution is different for everyone and Id say most are all different due to socioeconomic factors etc. Dont analyze it to much. The "norm" is never the norm thanks to industries like the adult industry or food or any other consumer industry worth millions where todays catch is just tommorows trash. You need to focus on you. I mean this is the most positive way.
Intimacy can escape us all at times. In fact it does. Ive been in relationships and still felt lonely. Its chemical and our brains and the very ground basic level. Even outside of nofap. As you realized in your post no escort can fullfill that albeit for a couple hours. Even then -its been monetized. Its a consumable. Sidenote- those of us in the West might have seen a recent article on the Fed trying to monetize your time on the internet. Great-lets give them more reason to define a cost in relation to time and therefore productivity and then value...and most importantly...tax you...after they charge you for something that becomes another catagory in the marketplace that they created and make almost 100% a needed tool of daily function for. One they directly relate to your very real every day living....general theme...at what point comes the cost$$ for happieness? If you arent careful you will monetize your very basic human feelings. Next stop- how much air do you breath?...."well I dont care if you smoke, Im healthy..I dont breathe as heavy so Im fine w/ my air costs"... you see where this mentality will go? Lol...Thats costly in many aspects.
All roads lead to Rome here my friend-and that is back to you. Rewire. Do pushups when urges come about or introduce a new healthier mental high. The problem w/porn and some exposure to sex is its a drug. It knows no bounds. You search for new highs and it drives your mental state in subtle ways. Many historic figures have been what we would call sex addicts now. Porn even to some degree(especially since the advent of photo etc)- one thing is always part of our design...as you introduce new tech into the human society it will always be used for one or both of these things first- sex or war. Theres an escalation there to say the least. Unplug. Rewire. Reboot...in the process focus on different things. Remap your brain. Introduce something different. Be cognizent of your enviorment in doing and the vehicles in which manner you do so as to not allow temptations...an most of all be healthy. The human mind can be like an engine. Crap in,crap out...you wouldnt run a engine on used oil constantly would you? All jokes aside we all put off oil changes at times. Just pay attention to your check engine light brother. You got this.