Feeling like I'll be alone forever again...

I read that and.. there's various things I thought, about to put to word disapproval of dating sites, for one.
But that doesn't seem helpful. I can't think of much, that chances are, you haven't already heard.
Maybe though, Manly P Hall on the Training of the faculty of Intuition, might, indirectly lead you through the only only expert in the world on you, to better direct yourself through this.


Fighting with my own addiction atm, just browsing here instead of P.

 

The dating game is tough . There is a lot of shitty advice out there and for years in my dating life I followed it and found it not to be very helpful and VERY DRAINING on me. " What are you supposed to do" the answer is NOTHING be YOU. I have heard it all things like " just be more confident " " Love Yourself" "stand taller" " have really interesting life" " take and improv course" all of that is BULLSHIT . I have found people can act like an actor put up a good front but it always fails and people see threw it, what people want to see? The answer is YOU not hiding your interest or nervousness being you because its simple in dating FIND PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU JUST AS YOU ARE. Ditch people who don't trying to make people like you is POINTLESS . Also VALUE YOURSELF by that is your time attention is important and don't waste it on people who don't value YOU

 

This sounds like me to a T.

I've tried everything as well, only thing left is: Not trying. I'm no longer ,"actively" looking for a partner. What if I'm alone the rest of my life? Welp. There is that possibility. I have to be content with whatever happens, anything else is chaos and madness

I really hope I meet someone though. Hopefully somebody out there for guys like us

 

I’m kinda in the same boat.

This lady I’ve been spending time with is starting to drive me up the wall and it’s clear we aren’t a match.

But it was a miracle that I met her. Other than her I have zero single female friends and zero prospects. I almost feel like nothing will ever happen for me again after I stop spending time with her. (Which is going to happen).

But I did meet her, never thought it would happen, but it did. I wasn’t even trying. I just went out to get back into climbing without meeting women as part of it. It tells me I can meet someone else someday.

The only thing I can think to say is don’t try so hard. I met this woman with no intention of meeting someone. ALL the efforts I’ve made to meet a woman have failed.

I didn’t try at all with this lady and she started to seek out time with me. (Which unfortunately I see now was for selfish reasons on her part - but that’s not a reason to quit seeking).

So perhaps give up the idea of actively looking and just enjoy life. Put yourself out there in scenarios that have both men and women. Interact with everyone positively, and eventually a woman will show interest.

I hope that happens for me.

(But I do admit I’m also thinking I’m going to die single!)

 

@Cool I Can Use Spaces do you think you are miserable just because you are single? Do you think it would be better to have at least someone than to be single? If you want to find love you must love yourself the way you want to be loved. Your self-love vibes will attract another healthy person who also loves herself in a healthy way. If you will not heal yourself first (because this loneliness is toxic, it seems like you have abandonment wound as myself) you will attract all kinds of toxic people who will mirror to you your lack of self-love.

 

I think fleurette is right. It absolutely matches with my experiences.

I am currently single again and I am sometimes lonely too. Loneliness is an existential anxiety we all have and I am terrified by possibility to be alone the rest of my life. But you can look at it like that: It is "just" an anxiety like all the others (a bit more existential). But I was lonely and sad in relationships too.
I think we have the chance to be our own true love and best friend. We just have to build this relationship with our-self. Maybe the feeling that having someone is better than being single is a sign, that we would like to have one that compensates our self love and self care? Sure, it's not always the case since having someone can be great but he or she might not be able to cure our loneliness.

 

I think you're both correct.

I was feeling a bit down and perhaps I shouldn't have let the situation affect me so much.

I went to my parent's house today to mow their lawn and vacuum the house. It's interesting how a visit with my parents can perk me up. There's the unconditional love there that reminds me that I'm a person of value. I don't need a woman in my life to feel that way. I also don't need my parents to feel that way but they are a great help.

I need to keep reminding myself that feelings of loneliness come and go but I can maintain my feelings of self-worth on a consistent basis. I'm a lovely person with or without a woman in my life.

(Sorry I think I may have hijacked this thread!!!)

 

I think you ought to stop trying for the sake of experiment. Maybe it's funny but I heard in one local seminar by a popular coach, he said to women, advice no 1 for you when you try desperately to find some good man - stop trying and tell yourself, that's it, no more men in my life, I'm not going to invest time in this anymore, I will be focusing on myself now. And that's the second when all men around you will become interested in you because men love to conquer women, not to accept being with them because they are so desperate. As in fairy tales, remember, a princess locked in high tower and a prince fighting all kinds of dragons to save her Being a woman I can say that we also sense guys who are confident and "whole" enough and they are not desperate without a woman at their side. Then we get the urge to get to know these men to nurture them and to take care after them because they seem like a rock to lean onto and they mean safety to us. I don't know if I expressed myself correctly here, I hope you understand.

If they are abusive or not healthy relationships the loneliness is even greater, believe me.

He or she is not obliged to do that. Our loneliness is our stuff, we need to heal our stuff first. Healthy relationships are when two "whole" people complement each other, and there are two sexes for a reason, our brain works differently, and we indeed complement each other if we can work as a team of two different but two equals at the same time - and not when you are chasing someone hoping that he or she will make you happy. What if he or she won't, at least once? Will we blame them for not making us happy? It's childish, really, it's unfinished inner child work, that's what it really is. I can imagine what would happen if I will make my partner responsible for handling all my inner stuff I can't handle myself and he will project all his insecurities he has not dealt with himself onto me. Nope, I don't want that.

 

Some additional notes: If you will not heal yourself first you will attract all kinds of toxic people who will mirror to you your lack of self-love. These people are like teachers, they show you where you're lacking and give grades accordingly. In a way we should be grateful for them because if you have a deep-seated victim attitude and mindset within you it is only highly toxic and manipulative people that will be able to extract all this victim programming out by their behaviour and show it to you so that you could finally heal. In other words, if you say to yourself "nobody loves me", that means first and foremost that you forgot to love yourself. If you think "nobody respects me", ask yourself when was the last time you showed some respect to your needs, boundaries, etc? Food for thought.

 

This is one great video to watch: