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guys with a handicap!

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by athlean, Oct 13, 2019.

  1. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    I am a 25 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend and i do not have many friends. AS of now i just moved with my parents to a part of town where it takes me a good 30 minute cycle with the bike to get to my friends, so we don't hang out that often anymore.

    I have the handicap cerebral palsy which causes me to walk really badly (it looks super bad but i dont have one problem with walking, it just looks bad for outsiders, my friends dont even notice it), i am also very spastic and this gets real bad when i am super nervous (like going on a date with a girl). (an example of being spastic: i can't hold a glass of water with 1 hand, i will have a spasm which causes the water to spill (yes, the whole glass) (i don't drop the glass or anything, it just spills over).

    I use the dating app tinder to match with girls and when i have a strong click with a girl i tend to ask them out within 1 or 2 weeks. I never tell them about my handicap beforehand, because i am afraid i scare them off. I have told it to like 2 girls (i gave the light version and did not mention i am spastic, only that i walk differently).

    I also have 2 bacardi cokes before i meet up with a date, this lowers my nervousness and the alcohol keeps my spasms to a miniimum. (i am not drunk before or on the date, just enough to lighten up my head and relax the muscles to tone down my spasms).

    I am a goodlooking, well above average, guy and am very muscular (men''s physique competition body, for the people who know that) and a good looking face. (not saying this to boost my ego but just to set the stage).

    I had a date with this gorgeous girl this weekend and we clicked very well, we sat down for 3 hours in a restaurant having drinks and after that went to the mcdonalds. The next day i tried to plan a second date in a fun way (used some information we talked about the previous day on the date) but she just wanted to stay friends.

    My question is to the guys with a handicap: How do you deal with having a handicap while dating a girl?

    - do you straight up tell them you have a handicap (before meeting her)?
    - do you give them the lighter version of your handicap story so they are not freaked out immediatly?
    - or do you not tell at all during the date (and even before, talking on whatsapp)?
    - on the date, do you start the subject of your handicap yourself? and if she does, do you straight up tell her? or do you ignore the subject as long she doesn't bring it up?

    How much of an issue do you think it is during dating? Some dates of mine go perfect but somehow dont want to follow up with a second date. I always start blaming it on my handicap.

    P.S. why is everyone so focused on religion iin my post? i dont make any referral to it, i have 0% interest in it and i will never be interested in religion, so stop suggesting/forcing it, thanks!
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
    Ghost in the Shell likes this.
  2. Tell her straight up right from the beginning so you don't waste YOUR TIME and then dont make any big deal about it or mention it again if she is interested she will meet with you .YOU WANT TO MEET PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU JUST AS YOU ARE. Ditch people who don't like you as you are u will save yourself a lot of grief
     
    pcmaster and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Mistersofty

    Mistersofty Fapstronaut

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    Keep at it. Most online dates end up going nowhere. I'm sure it has little to do with your handicap.
     
  4. Focus on getting your life together at getting happier and more content, confident. You still need friends but also some good hobbies and job. I was most successful with girls when I gave up on girls and just focused on my life, then right girl came at the right time.
    You can also study something you like if your education is not about the subject you are interested in.
    You are just 25 and at this age, most girls are focused on outside looks, rather than good heart, financial freedom or having a life together. If I were you I would believe in miracles and join some local church to have the guidance of God and nice people around me in life.
    Anyway, when you are disabled you have to compensate shortcomings in other ways. Maybe sticking to nofap and staying active in life can benefit to make you and interesting personality.
     
    ELITE2BE likes this.
  5. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    well, i just go my degree in accounting, so the financial freedom is aii.. one of the best paying jobs is being an accountant :)..

    i'm not a religious person.. you think i'ma believe in God when the same person put this disabiliy on me XD. not really into that stuff.

    as for focusing on life and not so much on girls, I should follow that advice.. I know that's the best thing to do but i know having a gf on my side will bring happiness to my life
     
  6. Well, I wasn't a very faithful person too until I understood how God works and thinks. Rather it's the satan who put disability on you. God can heal everything. You can look up Todd White on youtube - he sometimes goes in the streets and heals people in the name of Jesus. He is not only one who has enough Holy Spirit in him to heal people. But not everyone is putting up videos about it. Also if you read bible about Jesus or apostle Paul then they also healed a lot of people miraculously.

    Anyway you are not only one with problems. If you look up Nick Vojack - man without arms and legs then you can see how a man like that who have strong faith can have wife and kids. -
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2019
  7. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    I know, but i just am not a religious person and am not the kind of person gonna wait for that kind of stuff and not going to blame it on some higher power ;). I believe in hard ass work and dedication in every aspect of life.

    as for that guy, yea i know him .. very inspiring person
     
    Ghost in the Shell likes this.
  8. Well man, its your choice.
    “Each day I wake up and wonder what wonderful things will happen to me today? Starting our day positive is not always easy, but we must place positivity up front. It’s your path you must walk. Walk with an open mind. It makes little sense to reach back for past frustration when God has given us a fresh start.”
    ― Ron Baratono

    Well, that guy wouldn't be so inspiring without faith. Also, I see that you put trust on yourself. On hard work. When it's usually successful people who worked hard have a hard time putting trust in outside things. Also if you don't find the problem in yourself then you cant fix it. Cause you can't change other things besides yourself. But you can look differently on things and eventually the things you look at, start to change. It's not just about you. 80% of billionaires believe in a higher power. That it's not just their accomplished cause on their own human strength they couldn't achieve it.
    Sure I can't help you if you know everything already. Cause in order to learn fast you have to forget what you know. If you are smarter and more successful with girls than me or Nick then go on with doing what you are doing.
     
  9. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    80% of billionaires believe in higher power???? pleaseeeee send me the source of that cuz i know thats 100% bullshit xD

    but anyways, lets keep this thread clean.. if you wanna argue, private message me
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
  10. ELITE2BE

    ELITE2BE Fapstronaut

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    I really enjoyed reading your input there. I haven’t commented on here in a very very long time, but your simple yet philosophical outlook onto life caught my admiration. You are enlightened my friend.

    As for the OP, work on bettering yourself not for the sake of dating and girls, but for the sake of your inner satisfaction and fulfilment. We were created for a far deeper purpose than something as superficial as dating. Trust me each and everyone of us is greater than what some may make us perceive, especially in today’s superficial world.
    Now regarding your brief, yet interesting exchange concerning the origin of life and religion, and without stretching the matter at hand further into a full-blown religion debate, I would just like to say that your understanding of GOD and the tests of life is not adherent to reality. As they say: knowledge is power. As such, I would suggest that you read more into religion just for the sake of knowledge and self-betterment. And trust me, if you delved into it heart and soul, you will for sure see light at the end of the tunnel. I am not necessarily talking about Christianity here (not a Christian myself), but about the concept of religion and GOD in general.

    Wish you all the best.
     
  11. Can't find exact video cause theres too many billionaire videos but one of the vids I have seen was this about billionaires believing in God -


    BTW Bill Gates believes in God too and goes to church and guy once had 300b so go figure.
     
  12. I think your disability won't hurt you much in dating and can even be an asset. Having a "defect" can be sexy to some girls especially if you did not cause it and you're strong in all the other stuff. A very hot girl who's a friend of mine dates a guy on a wheelchair.

    Just curious - how do you build muscle if you can't hold a glass?
     
  13. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    Well, it's not the fact i can't 'hold' things in my hand, i just can't do the fine things like keeping the water in the glass. when you give me an empty glass or a plate i can hold it just like any other person, but the moment something is put in/on it and there is a possibility it can fall on the floor when i get a spasm, my spasms play up (will cause the water to spill out of the glass, i will never drop the glass itself). I also can't write (well i can, but you can barely make out my handwriting), itt's just the precision stuff i am not good at.

    As for the muscle building, building muscle is not asking for precision, and yes some exercises are more difficult for me (only a few) than others, but i have proper form in all the exercises. i even deadlift (PR 120 kg) and squat (PR 60 kg) :D. I've been training for 13 years now and i have a men's physique kind of body, always loved the working out, it has saved my life back when i was younger and was super depressed.

    I always give advice to the younger people (and even people older than me) when i notice they don't do the exercise properly or think they need to change it just a little bit to get more out of it, i never do this in life but in the gym i am super comfortable with doing this because literally every person in the gym knows me and know i know my shit (the proof is very visible walking in a tanktop or even in an oversized shirt haha).

    the mindset in the gym is get it done or die trying.

    as for your friend dating a guy in a wheelchair, may i ask (if you know ofcourse) what his disability is? i'm very curious in how he managed to make the wheelchair an asset and that it doesnt scare girls away. Thank you for sharing this man, really cheers me up hearing these kind of stories :). (i know it sounds F'd up though).

    My thoughts of dating are always (especially on tinder): why would she pick me, the guy with some fucked up legs who seems that he can barely walk? there are literally hundreds of other guys out there. the main reason why i dont stop dating is that my looks are good and my body is great, but that's pretty much it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
    Ghost in the Shell likes this.
  14. Not just looks matters. Sure on tinder just like in any other dating sites, people can and mostly are pretty shallow cause picture is mostly all you see. Some girls are open that they hunt for looks. But in the end its the real life that matters. For example, my sister is pretty smart and has a doctors degree. She never used dating sites and don't understand how people can choose a date by looks because she has to at least 5 minutes talking to the person in real life to understand what a person represents.

    You swear by gym cause its the thing that helped you. Sure we all have something that helped us. In the end gym helped you cause it made your spirit stronger. You are mentally stronger now. But your body is still weak cause despite that your spirit is strongly against PMO, your body still sometimes gives up to temptation for lust and short-lived pleasure. Things that gives instant gratification but leave even emptier afterward. That's huge problem these days in society.

    Anyway, there are words from the Bible -
    “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
    And - "For bodily exercise profiteth little but Godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of life that now is, and of that which is to come."

    In other words like in Rocky song - "Keeping in soul crying ember. When the body says stop but spirit screams - NEVER !"
     
  15. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    pcmaster, can you please stop posting in this thread? i'm sick of the bible thingy..

    are you the type of person that goes by every house and try to convert every soul being? go look for others you can convert ;) thank you, your input is no longer needed :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
  16. OK then have fun serving to satan. I wrote all kinds of thinks not related to faith but you noticed only one thing.
     
  17. He got struck by lightning. Having that happen to him did not stop him from remaining active and being an interesting guy. It seems that you're similar in that regard.
    Maybe exactly because you're different from others. "Bad" advertising often works better than "good" advertising. Also - and this is a hypothesis, I actually know very little about girls so it may be bullshit - I think many girls love to be caretakers and a support for the guy. Often times I get the feeling that they pick broken guys in hopes they'll fix them.
     
    athlean likes this.
  18. athlean

    athlean Fapstronaut

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    yea, i dont let myself get stopped by any event that has happened throughout my life. I was born with this handicap so i learned to live with it. I use it as a strength and not a weakness, I use it as fuel to chase after my dreams.

    well, if that's true about girls i am a catch! haha, not really broken in the sense of i have no purpose in life or i dont know what to do wih my life, cuz i know exactly what my dreams and aspirations are. but there are some issues ofcourse i'll have to cope with for the rest of my life.
     
    Ghost in the Shell likes this.

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