The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Excellent!! Thank you so much!!

 

NoPMO - Day 01
Productive Days from that - Zero

I overslept and get up at 10 AM
However I walked the dog, worked out at the gym and worked for about 5 hour on my applications.
Also I ate healthy, drank a lot of water (and only water) and did cold showering.

I don't count this as an porductive day, mostly because I didn't get up on time and have no time to read anymore.
Yet, I feel good!

 

Aaaaaand back to day 0. I feel really disappointed in myself. I'd fought of FAR more difficult urges than the one that bit me this streak alone, not to mention streaks prior, and yet my shortest streak of 2019, barely 40 days, just came to an end. I know it's not about the streak, it's about abstinence on the whole, and some people would kill to be able to stay clean as long as I can, but it kind of sucks man. Time and time again I try and I get beaten right back. It didn't even feel good, it just felt incredibly numb; and then I really needed to piss. Not worth it, guys.

Thinking back to how I must have looked, it was pathetic. I was shaking - yes, shaking, violently too - with anticipation whilst trying anything to get my fix, eyes locked to the screen. If anyone had come in whilst I was in the act, I would have probably burst out crying. It was pathetic, but it wasn't me. Not the me I want to continue on, anyway.

That said, you're completely wrong if you think I'm giving up here. One of the main reasons for my relapse was laxing on my bedtime policy. The night is always prime-time for me to relapse, at least my last two streaks (the last ~140 days) and I'm pretty sure quite a few before that were done in my bedroom, at night. This is probably because I used to suffer from insomnia, and still do on very rare occassions (although I think not being able to sleep once or twice a month is normal), and I always used PMO to get to sleep. I need to revise the tech I have in bed, the alternative activities I have to do instead of PMO, and my other prevention mechanisms around bedtime. I'm also going to start keeping a journal to write in in the mornings and evenings. I'll probably keep it totally private so I can use it to be totally truthful no matter how awful or depraved what I'm writing down is.

Here we go again, the battle was lost but not the war. Oorah!

 

Checking in!

I wish you the best in your new try!!! If you did it once, twice, etc. you can do it again!!!

 

“‘Why was I chosen?’ ‘Such questions cannot be answered,’ said Gandalf. ‘You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess: not for power or wisdom, at any rate. But you have been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.’”

Checkin' in!

 

1 day down again. No PMO is proving to be far more difficult to accomplish but necessary to achieve than I realized, and I knew it would be difficult but necessary.

 

Checking in.

 

Day 15
Just went from Uruk-Hai to a hobbit, lets go!

 

NoPMO - Day 02
Productive Days from that - 1

 

You sound very frustrated and disappointed with yourself. I can relate very closely with you. After trying so many times to heal and stop PMO, it can be disheartening whenever you relapse. I remember so many occasions of becoming angry with myself and wanting to give up. So, I completely understand your feelings, my friend. Your feelings are legitimate.

However, you seem to talk down to yourself. Remember, this challenge is nearly impossible to overcome by oneself, that's why communities like NoFap exist. Avoiding PMO is the hardest thing I've done in my life. We are all fighting something bigger than each of us alone but not all together. Healing is a process; progress is not linear, especially when climbing mountains.

So, I encourage two things. Be gentle with yourself. What would a loving grandmother say to you? The second thing is to look at your progress from the perspective of yourself as 90 years old. What would you say to yourself?

 

Check in. Still going strong! I love each person in this group. Your posts are wonderful!

 

Still here

 

Day 16
Yes my best streak was day 16 so i'm gonna break my personal record!

 

Day 3, looking for more to close porn like a chapter in a book