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I seek advice, I noticed the same relapse pattern many times

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Julius Caesar, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. Oct 16, 2019 #1
    Julius Caesar

    Julius Caesar Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I'm on the forum for 10 months. I observed my behavior and noticed some patterns.

    Here is my last 5 days streak story. I had similar streaks in the past as well:

    Day 0: Staring a new streak. P blocked on devices. High motivation.

    Day 1 - 2:
    Weekend. Some light urges occurred. Good daily behavior: meditation, socialize, etc ...

    Day 3:
    Monday. Excellent daily routines. Meditation, exercise. Time spend outside. Good performance at work (a bit distracted: checking the forum from time to time when some urges occurred).

    I had more sexual energy. Fantasy started in my head.
    - Starts with good thoughts: approaching girls(I'm single), what would I say, cool things we would do ...
    - Then this turned into thoughts about dating plans and plans to use erotic massage service
    - Then physical craving for M, but no craving for P.
    I went to a gym and did a cold shower to suppress an urge. i felt ok in the evening.

    Day 4. Tuesday. Similar to day 3. An urge suppressed.

    Day 5: Today.
    An urgent thing from work (I run a business) disturbed my morning routine. I missed meditation, goals writing for the day and checking this forum. Daily hassle. I had some negative emotions like stress, frustration.

    An urge occurred. I was tired of fighting and resisting temptation. Instead of doing one of my anty-PMO things (socialize with people/gym/meditation/active time in nature/...) I quickly went for some P-sub. This led to relapse.

    It seems like I spend too much energy on resisting temptations. I can keep it for 2 days, but when a more difficult day happens I give in.

    I make sure to sleep well and no to stay idle in bed because often it's a time when fantasy happens. Fantasy is one of the root causes of relapse.

    I have a hard time cutting off light sexual thoughts when they begin to arise. Once I let them in, they keep coming back.

    When I have a strong urge I can resit it. But it comes back the next days. I can resist, but eventually, it gets me.

    I'm thinking of a solution. I can do more meditation. I can be more mindful of my thoughts and control them early. Make an effort to refocus on something else.

    Any ideas on how to improve?
     
    Julius Caesar, Oct 16, 2019
    Julius Caesar, Oct 16, 2019
    #1
  2. Oct 16, 2019 #2
    DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    What kind of thought is leading you to relapse? Do you allow yourself to think about it for a while, until the urge becomes irresistible? Most often you can stop at the first fantasy, that's where we have the most power, where the urge is the weakest.

    There are two ways to resist an urge: allow it to stay in your mind and hope it subsides, or force yourself to think about something else as soon as the fantasy arises. The latter is much better in my opinion.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2019
    DGZ, Oct 16, 2019
    DGZ, Oct 16, 2019
    #2
    Julius Caesar likes this.
  3. Oct 16, 2019 #3
    Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    It's quite possible that this is your main problem. You start out super excited and motivated and that's why it's easier at the beginning to resist urges. Then something starts to bother you, negativity comes crashing down and soon you find yourself unmotivated and weak against urges.
     
    Hros, Oct 16, 2019
    Hros, Oct 16, 2019
    #3
    Julius Caesar and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Oct 16, 2019 #4
    Carbon Icon

    Carbon Icon Fapstronaut

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    You don't know how to be sober.

    Think about it. How have you been dealing with life's challenges?
    What do you do when you experience - stress, pain, fear, self doubt, rejection, uncomfortable emotions, painful memories, failures...
    You turn to PMO for comfort

    Why?

    Because you don't know how to live soberly.

    If you can find a way to deal with all of the pain, fears, resentments, etc that you have been holding onto for years. If you can find some way to process that shit and move on with your life. If you can find a healthy way to deal with stress, fear, emotions, etc If you can acknowledge and process that shit instead of running from it -

    then you will not need to use PMO to deal with it. The urges will fade. Sobriety will become a possibility for you.
     
    Carbon Icon, Oct 16, 2019
    Carbon Icon, Oct 16, 2019
    #4
    icebreaker polarstern and Julius Caesar like this.
  5. Oct 17, 2019 #5
    Julius Caesar

    Julius Caesar Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! I will make escaping such thoughts early a priority for me.

    Thanks! I will learn how to process those emotions in sobriety.
     
    Julius Caesar, Oct 17, 2019
    Julius Caesar, Oct 17, 2019
    #5

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