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Disgusting cuckold thoughts

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Zer01991, Oct 17, 2019.

  1. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    Been addicted to porn for the last ten years or so. But this "fantasy" is something I didn't always have. I got cheated on, several times. And It's the worst feeling in the world. And I'm a very jealous man, so idk why I'm turned on when I have these thoughts. It's gotta be the fucking porn. I've even watched cuckold porn several times throughout my addiction. But I've never acted it out, nor will I allow myself to get that far. I'm disgusted by the fact that thoughts of my woman sucking another man off or fucking him passes my mind, and I'm even more disgusted by the fact that it turns me on. I want it to end. I don't want these thoughts. That last thing I want to be is a fucking cuckold. Any advice from anyone recovering from this or having already recovered is greatly appreciated. I know it's rooted in the sub conscious, so it won't be easy. But I will defeat it by any means possible.
     
  2. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    If you are a very jealous man, cuckold porn is facilitating the shock factor that is giving you an huge dopamine kick when you watch. It's kind of like how racists are known to watch interacial porn, or how straight guys escalate to gay porn, because it doesnt line up with their core beliefs and provides enough shock or novelty to stimulate your down regulated dopamine receptors. From an evolutionary standpoint, a cuckold fetish makes absolutely zero sense, in a caveman world all it means is you're a low status male who will end up raising the child of the higher status male that your woman chose over you. Quit porn, and your cuckold fetish will either reduce dramatically or disappear all together
     
  3. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    That's how I'm seeing it too dude. I'll do everything I can to drop it. It's interrupting intimacy with my girl, and our sex life greatly, with the porn addiction added on top. I'd NEVER ask her to perform cuckold shit. Ever. The thing that gets me the most is, is the Dopamine is there, but I don't ever get an erection from the thoughts. I'll get turned on but then angry and frustrated about it. And then just obsessively think about it.
     
  4. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    This is proof it's not a real desire, your frustration is a result of your rational mind being at odds with what your reward circuitry craves, which leaves you internally conflicted and off balance. I had the same thing with hocd, I escalated to gay porn because normal porn wasn't exciting enough any more, but I'm not gay, so I ended up with severe depression and anxiety over my sexuality because my inner desires and outer actions didnt align at all, they were opposites. This is a messed up addiction man
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2019
    PeterNF.01 and Zer01991 like this.
  5. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    It really is dude. The thing is I never saw a problem with it until I got with the girl I'm with now..but, then again I haven't cared for anyone like I did with her. Ive had these thoughts with girlfriends for a while now. But I'm just no realizing it's something I need to fix. I want to fully enjoy sex with my girl. Fully. It might take a while but won't lose ever again.
     
  6. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    A full reboot does take a while, but if you commit to hard mode you should start to see the frequency and intensity of these fantasies start to drop dramatically. I was an addict for over 10 years and escalated to cuckold and gay porn towards the end of my addiction, my full reboot took about 100 days ish until I felt I was back to normal, but my porn induced fetishes started to noticeably subside during the 2nd week, and now they repulse me, zero appeal or noticable dopamine release even if I intentionally think about them, you'll get there bro. Sounds like your girl is a keeper if you feel that way about her, so work on turning yourself into a keeper and build a happy life for yourself. You got this man
     
  7. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    She
    She is man. She's worth every single second of struggling that I'm currently facing. At first I thought you know "maybe I'm just not sexually attracted to her" but..I've been this way with every girl I've been with since I was 21. She's actually the first girl I've been with where I've been able to climax. Multiple times. Those feelings are there. I just gotta sift through this bullshit and make it on the other side. I can do this.
     
    FX-05 likes this.
  8. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    You've got a great attitude man I'm sure you're gonna do it. How you getting on?
     
    Zer01991 likes this.
  9. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    I've been on and off today bro. Sex drive is all over the place. But anytime a thought pops up I immediately think of something else or try do keep myself busy, even if it's just in the back of my head. Emotions are everywhere right now. One minute I wanna jump my girls bones the next minute my sex drive completely vanishes. But I've kept myself around other people at work to avoid impulses.
     
  10. You got this man, if we were all as determined as you this forum would be empty pretty quickly. It might take a few years to heal 100% but if you keep at it like this no question you will heal.
     
    Zer01991 likes this.
  11. Zer01991

    Zer01991 Fapstronaut

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    It's hard, no doubt about it. But even when I don't feel like it, I stay away from the defeatist attitude as much as possible. Especially now. Thanks man. I appreciate your words very much. Everyone I've talked to so far here is so supportive and kind and I love it so much.
     
  12. I also used porn for years and years to the point of watching a lot of cuck/bisexual/transgendered person stuff. Mainly Cuck and bi MMF. I never had cuck fantasies until the last several years. And it got to the point where i fantasized about seeing another man with my wife cucking me. It got to the point that of i knew my wife would go for it, and i had a guy i could trust then i wouldve done it. I know its all porn induced and even as im writing this its making me fabtasize about it still. Im off pmo for 5 weeks and the porn addiction is practically gone but a lot of my taboo / fetish desires are still lingering, although slowly fading. Im sure in due time the thoughts will subside. Im not sure if they will 100% dissapear though.
     
  13. baZo

    baZo Fapstronaut

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    (some might notice I sorta spam this around in a few threads on this subject, working wonders for me)
    Good luck have fun :)
     
  14. Yeah, had this once with my wife...glad we didn't go through with it! My fantasy was:

    Double Vaginal Penetration

    I always wanted to try this with another man on my wife, it became obsessive. It's the p0rn talking though!
     
    +TenPercent likes this.

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