What's wrong with me?

Not trying to be judgemental, but there is nothing to worry about not having a girlfriend. Numerous people don't have girlfriends. I don't have a girlfriend.
It's okay my man.

Although, it'd be good if you could elaborate more, and we'd be able to help you more.
Why is it that you don't want to live?

 

How old are you? How bad is your porn addiction? Why don't you want to live?

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all have some kind of anxiety, and don't worry: it's totally tamable

 

The advantage you have going for you right now is you're starting to find playing games and watching movies boring. That's good. Most people continue that addiction until their time expires.
What you need is interests, passions, this is what's gonna rid you of social anxiety. Confidence comes from believing in yourself. You can only do that if you're doing something you can really apply yourself to. I was like you too but then I found something I was good at and stuck with it. Now I have no fear of anything.

 

When you feel tired and bored you don't need rest, you need shit that you're excited about.

 

Take up a musical instrument homie, if I didn't start playing music as a teenager I surely would have killed myself by now.

 

If you dont feel like you want to live you should visit a site like https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

A good therapist can help you out. With that said some of your symptoms may be a side effect of too much PMO and maybe other addictions you may have. Visit yourbrainonporn.com for info on the topic. Hang in there. Life is worth living.

 

Damn Hugh Jackman really going down hill these days

 

Understand that you are the person, an individual. Everything depends on you. You can cry, and you can act.
Try to change yourself. Have fear of girls? Beat it! Take numbers, speak, go out, date! We live only once, make at least little steps.
It's cool when you feel that you achieved something, when breakthrough comes.
Moreover, try to find hobby, something that distracts you from PMO, bad thoughts, and so on.
And of course try to get acquainted with some1. Loneliness is not the way out. Your parents would be happy to see you happy. Put them on your place.
Best regards.

 

You are giving the answer yourself.
Your thoughts have to be changed, I know it's not so easy as it seems, but... There's no simply other way out. I used to have some stuff like this too b4 due 2 PMO, but right now I understood, why should I destroy myself? Really, try to judge yourself from the neutral position and not to think too much at all. Thinking is a good thing, but not overthinking of course. Step by step everything can be done.

 

That's awesome! I also have a strong circle of childhood friends, and that's a very good thing. I imagine you feel comfortable around them, it may be a good space for healing your mind and feeling love.

I can relate to that, and I improved a lot in those aspects. Do you know what helped me? Quitting porn and understanding the mind, how and why people behave the way they do. You see, some people are quiet (shy, anxious or just calm and peaceful), others talk a lot (big ego, need for attention). When someone ignores you (if they really do, sometimes they just don't hear you), they may do it because their ego is telling them that it is not rewarding to interact with a quiet and shy person, it won't bring attention to them; they might feel uncomfortable. They can't see past that, they're driven by their emotions/the stories their mind is telling them.

In other words, don't expect anything from people, don't let other's behavior influence your well-being. It's like when you greet someone 'good morning' and they don't reply: the problem is on them.

Thoughts are just thoughts, we decide if we want to follow them or not. Keep in mind that all of that are just stories your monkey-mind is telling you, not reality.

Are you emotionless? Or just having bad emotions? Afterall, you're alive! You know, nowadays little things bring me joy, like the birds chanting on the morning, the sun on my skin, the smell of coffee or tea, greeting someone, having a good time with friends... we can find happiness everywhere, it's all about our state of mind. Meditation and buddhist philosophy helped me a lot, so I recommend it to you.

I watched this 2 days ago, just remembered, may be of some use to you: